Special Needs

  1. Special Needs We have made a big mistake sending our young ds w/ adhd to private school...it is not working out and the rigorous academics is causing stress...we don't know what to do 1 hr 16 min ago (27 replies)
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    • How old? 1 hr 15 min ago
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      • age 5 1 hr 14 min ago
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        • young for ADHD dx. Who evaluated him? 1 hr 12 min ago
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          • pschologist and dev. pediatrician 1 hr 11 min ago
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        • Rigorous academics?? 1 hr 11 min ago
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    • where do you live? 1 hr 15 min ago
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    • Back to public? 1 hr 15 min ago
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    • Is it specifically for adhd? 1 hr 14 min ago
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      • behavioral and sensory issues....they want us to hire aide full day. we can't afford it 1 hr 13 min ago
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        • Be glad they aren't pretending he's fine & taking your money. What's your public district? 1 hr 12 min ago
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          • we paid half year upfront and next half is due in two weeks :( 1 hr 11 min ago
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            • Don't pay it. Leave. 1 hr 10 min ago
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            • Kids it goodbye. This will be misery for you and him for years. My son is only now under control in 3rd grade. And that is with meds, and years of cbt therapy and social...(more) 1 hr 8 min ago
              skills groups
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        • Oh god. Btdt- back to public, stat 1 hr 11 min ago
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          • this. you can enter public mid-year with meme days' notice 6 min ago
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        • If he was in public wouldn't they provide support needed? 1 hr 9 min ago
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          • Only if he's significantly behind academically. 1 hr 5 min ago
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            • If he gets an IEP they must provide support 1 hr 3 min ago
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              • He only gets an IEP if he's academically behind by a certain amount. They'll wait until he gets that far behind, and OP loses time & its harder to help the kid at 7 than it is at...(more) 1 hr ago
                5
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                • Because he has been dc with ADHD I don't believe they wait 55 min ago
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    • The more you do now the better. Leave. Do private OT & speech, get whatever services you can in school. 1 hr 6 min ago
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    • Take him out and put in public school. A 5 year old should not have rigorous academics. With an adhd dx they will give him some accommodations, but I bet you will see many 5 year...(more) 22 min ago
      olds just like him.
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      • what do u mean u will see many 5 year olds like him? in public school? how come not in private? 17 min ago
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        • I thought OP was saying this was a very rigorous, academic private school. Therefore they select the kids who are "ahead". Public school has a wider variety of kids maturity...(more) 13 min ago
          levels. My DS is at a top college and could not read at all at 5 or sit still long, nor could many of his friends. They all did well in school. It is not developmentally appropriate to have rigorous academics for most 5 year olds.
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        • because private schools do not want kids like your ds 6 min ago
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          • ^nor do other private school parents. public schools take everyone 5 min ago
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  2. Special Needs DD just had a neuro-psych which we got because she is doing so well we wanted a fresh one. Made very clear to NP that we were not looking to get more accommodations but to show...(more) 2 hr 47 min ago (6 replies)
    what she's like today. So we get it and it is awful (the write up, not the scores). For example NP talked to some of DD's teachers who said many positive things but the one example she would pick would be negative. Pages and pages of this. DD says she laughed and had a great time with the NP.
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    • how old is dd? 2 hr 44 min ago
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      • 17. This is for college, so that they can see what she brings to the table (isn't just a score). DD is outgoing, great personality, motivated. Zero of that in report. Just what...(more) 2 hr 32 min ago
        she did wrong in tests, nothing she did right even though most of her scores are solidly average. But to get to that they have to read 15 pages of every wrong thing.
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        • Respectfully, two things...one, did you plan to submit the neuropsych report as part of the college application? To a mainstream college? And two, whenever we"ve done this,...(more) 1 hr 53 min ago
          including for accommodations for ACT, the report has been through several drafts. The NP has always highlighted what we wanted it to say....why can't you ask for a rewrite?
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          • ask them to change it--have a meeting! 1 hr 34 min ago
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            • Or...you don't even need a meeting. Call, reiterate that you want to highlight her strengths in this one. The np is very probably not used to that. 1 hr 20 min ago
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          • We will ask for re-write but this is so off what we talked to her about on several occasions. This is for special college programs where you apply directly to the special...(more) 40 min ago
            program and then the college. A handful of mainstream colleges have these programs. DD is mainstream socially but needs a lot of support academically for LDs.
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  3. Special Needs Doctor wants to start db on concerta and for some reason I'm sad and upset. 6 hr 4 min ago (15 replies)
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    • What's Concerta? 6 hr 3 min ago
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    • DB?? How old? 6 hr 3 min ago
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    • how old? 6 hr 2 min ago
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    • Why are you? 6 hr 2 min ago
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      • I'm scared it will change his personality I guess? 5 hr 55 min ago
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        • That is something to talk to the dr about. Every parent whose kid is prescribed meds is nervous. But it's usually about The Unknown. If you see a true personality change you need...(more) 5 hr 49 min ago
          to call the dr immediately. If you see the same personality only without the tormenting part - that's a good thing.
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          • Thank you. Would love a support network of other parents in NYC for ADHD. Does that exist? 5 hr 39 min ago
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            • If you're on FB, join Special Moms Network 5 hr 37 min ago
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              • Thanks! How do I tell him he is starting meds? 5 hr 27 min ago
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                • np, I told my son in very few words, something like, you know how school is really hard for you (or sitting or social interaction or whatever it is that is hard for him)?...(more) 4 hr 48 min ago
                  Tomorrow we are going to start you on a medicine that will probably make things a lot easier!" Keep it simple, answer his questions honestly, and don't answer questions he doesn't ask. He may not have your fears, or your sadness or your degree of being upset.
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        • np, I think this is a normal fear, medicine, especially daily medicine, is scary, and there is so much (sometimes uninfomed, sometimes not) rhetoric against "posioniong" your...(more) 4 hr 51 min ago
          child with medicine, and why haven't you tried this or that, dye free diet, gluten free diet, CBT, etc ad nauseum. But in most cases, the medicine is so helpful to your child's daily functioning and by extension yours, that most people end up kicking themselves that they didn't try it sooner. ****most people. of course there are stories...but you will very, very likely be part of "most people."
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        • you can stop it as easily as you start 3 hr 54 min ago
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    • I take vyvanse. I get it but if it helps DS, there is no reason to feel bad. 6 hr 2 min ago
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    • Know that stimulants meds go in and out of the body in less than a day. So if DS tries it and doesn't like it or you don't, just don't give it again. 2 hr 45 min ago
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  4. Special Needs If your DC has been counseled out of school, how did the school help you find a suitable placement? (11yo DS, ASD, Anxiety). 8 hr 25 min ago (3 replies)
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    • In Westchester, they send a packet with info to various programs. If a program accepts your dc, you are invited to visit. You don't have to accept the placement if you don't...(more) 6 hr 38 min ago
      think it's the correct fit for your child.
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      • private! Where? 4 hr 48 min ago
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        • Sorry, I'm not familiar with private programs only BOCES 3 hr 58 min ago
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  5. Special Needs Interesting overview of learning disability types. I guess disorders like adhd are not LD, but may include them...(more) 11 hr 41 min ago (1 reply)
    • LDS have very specific parameters 11 hr 40 min ago
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  6. Special Needs What qualifies a kid as twice exceptional? 11 hr 53 min ago (41 replies)
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    • just like it sounds 11 hr 52 min ago
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    • they test as gifted and they have a formal diagnosis that confirms the SN 11 hr 52 min ago
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      • ^ a SN (such as adhd, autism spectrum disorder etc) 11 hr 51 min ago
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    • Gifted IQ and a learning disability 11 hr 52 min ago
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    • exeptionally smart while being exceptionally disabled 11 hr 51 min ago
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      • :( 11 hr 50 min ago
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      • wait, so if my ds is a genius at math, but he has a bum leg, he is twice exceptional? 11 hr 50 min ago
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        • np: come on, now. 11 hr 50 min ago
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          • she said disabled 11 hr 49 min ago
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            • well, if the "bum leg" is a disability requiring support, perhaps. I don't see how a physical issue would cause issues in school, though. 11 hr 47 min ago
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              • if the pain prevented dc from concentrating, possibly. But I hope that isn't the case! 11 hr 46 min ago
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                • that might keep a kid from attending school? but it wouldn't cause any educational issues. There would be no reason that kid would have issues accessing appropriate classes. 11 hr 44 min ago
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                  • We're in crazy hypothetical land, but couldn't there be a situation where dc can't sit still for extended periods of time, so maybe he needs breaks allowed during tests? So that...(more) 11 hr 42 min ago
                    would be a 504 -- and 2e, if child is also gifted?
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                    • yes, it seems unlikely that the physical disability would cause issues with that 11 hr 34 min ago
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              • ^the point is that if a kid has a neurological issue and is also intellectually gifted, there are going to be challenges in educating that child. 11 hr 45 min ago
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              • physical disabilities are disabilities. wtf??? 11 hr 44 min ago
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                • yes, I understand that. But unless all the honors courses are offered in rooms only accessible via ladders or something, it's not an issue. 11 hr 44 min ago
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                  • and? what does that have to do with the label of twice exceptional? 11 hr 42 min ago
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                    • np: my only experience with this label is when it has been used by parents whose children are in the academic advanced / gifted school, but children get accommodations. When else...(more) 11 hr 37 min ago
                      would it come into play?
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                      • students with physical disabilities need accommodations as well 11 hr 36 min ago
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                        • sure. and if child is in gifted program and needs school accommodations, I'd think child would be 2e. 11 hr 35 min ago
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                        • yes, they do. and? 11 hr 29 min ago
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        • I'd say he's twice exceptional! But I don't think he fits the academic definition. 11 hr 49 min ago
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      • in my (limited) experience, it is not EXCEPTIONALLY disabled. This kids I've known are ADD or ADHD or have fine-motor issues, etc. 11 hr 50 min ago
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    • my above average iq kid w adhd and apraxia and sensory issues..and my other ds has a high enough IQ but is severely dyslexic 11 hr 46 min ago
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      • I believe iq needs to be in gifted range (2 std deviations above mean) 11 hr 44 min ago
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        • their verbal scores are but their overall get taken down by slow processing 11 hr 43 min ago
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          • Some people are just so desperate to get that "gifted" tag. Doesn't matter if the kid can't function in the world. 11 hr 38 min ago
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            • im not one of those people. They struggle so whether or not they are gifted is a non starter. 11 hr 20 min ago
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              • ^^however as their parent it is frustrating because people that don't know them only see the negative side of it (disruptive, requiring a lot of teacher intervention) and not how...(more) 11 hr 17 min ago
                gifted that they have the potential to be.
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    • my ds is 2e. he's brilliant but has ADHD and gets terrible grades :(. In the things he's interested in, he can do work several grade levels above but struggles to do basic...(more) 11 hr 41 min ago
      things in areas he's not interested in.
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    • Gifted IQ, Batshit crazy. 11 hr 40 min ago
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      • This is my sister. She's fucking brilliant. But she's also fucking insane. Pretty sure borderline. 11 hr 32 min ago
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    • This post has been disliked 6 times. showNothing. It's a term invented for parents of troubled kids so they feel better. "My son does poorly in school and acts up because he's SO BORED because he's so fucking...(more) 11 hr 39 min ago
      brilliant." BULLSHIT
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      • I am sorry for whatever challenges you deal with. 11 hr 36 min ago
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      • Perhaps you should not follow the special needs board 11 hr 34 min ago
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      • Way to like your own reply, dickweed. 11 hr 23 min ago
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      • you don't have a clue what you are talking about. 11 hr 16 min ago
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    • 2e is not limited to high IQ. It good be gifted in music, acting, politics, EQ, etc. Gifted in one area. 10 hr 30 min ago
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    • Being gift in one area and having a disability that limits the ability to perform in the gifted area(s). 9 hr 38 min ago
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  7. Special Needs This post has been deleted. 12 hr 40 min ago (1 reply)
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    • that's kind of bizarre. I think it's nice to go get a home-cooked dinner. 12 hr 39 min ago
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  8. Special Needs This post has been deleted. 12 hr 47 min ago (1 reply)
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    • I'd ignore as much as I could/ 12 hr 46 min ago
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  9. Special Needs DD is 4th grade (just turned 10) and has ADHD. She's always had problems regulating her emotions and it just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I try to keep her on trakc in...(more) 12 hr 54 min ago (20 replies)
    track in the AM w/ time - getting dressed, eating breakfast and I say, come on, go get dressed and she'll scream, "I HATE YOU" and "SHUT UP". I'm just so fucking over it. When do kids also get co-diagnosed w/ boarderline or bipolar? I mean, can this all be ADHD?
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    • Is this a new behavior? How do you react? The holy hammer of hell would come down in my house if my dc ever spoke to me like that. 12 hr 52 min ago
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      • Do you have a kid with ADHD? 12 hr 52 min ago
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        • Yes, two in fact. 12 hr 51 min ago
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          • Well, you are lucky that it doesn't impact your kids' emotions the way it does my dd. 12 hr 44 min ago
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          • I don't believe you 12 hr 39 min ago
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            • I do, and I apologize if my post sounded unsympathetic. My kids do go off and express frustration and anger, but I do punish them for directing hateful and disrespectful...(more) 12 hr 27 min ago
              language towards me.
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      • Your ADHD kid doesn't go off on you or lose it semi-regularly? 12 hr 49 min ago
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    • Add that to the 10 year old hormo a of a girl and youíre dealing with a lot 12 hr 51 min ago
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    • BTDT - If she's not in weekly CBT therapy - do it NOW. It helps tremendously. I'm assuming she's medicated. Lastly - do everything at night to prepare for the AM. Only wake her to...(more) 12 hr 50 min ago
      give her enough time to dress, brush, eat and go - avoids conflict
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      • Can you tell me more about CBT therapy? We can't do it right now - dd is in tutoring for dyslexia and we don't have the time/money to do both. But can you tell me more about CBT...(more) 12 hr 48 min ago
        so I can look into it for maybe summer?
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        • It's basically therapy that is goal oriented. You talk about issues and goals toward correcting them rather than just talking 12 hr 48 min ago
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          • Okay, thanks. We need it but cannot start for another year. 12 hr 44 min ago
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    • I would not be jumping to bipolar or bpd ... IME, kids with ADHD hate when you get on their case about doing things they should be doing. It makes them feel shitty because they...(more) 12 hr 40 min ago
      KNOW what they should be doing, they just can't. That's prob her impulse control saying those nasty things to you. How does she respond to reward/consequences for her morning routine?
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      • Thanks for chiming in. Right now, she cannot cannot get calm enough to come up with strategies for her morning routine. And she's terrible at predicting time, understanding time....(more) 12 hr 37 min ago
        So I've tried to get her to agree on a reward chart but she won't engage. I'll have to think about another reward system.
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        • That sounds very ADHD to me. She's overwhelmed. Maybe start smaller? Break the routine apart so she gets a reward for one small thing that you know she can do? Gl, I know it's...(more) 12 hr 33 min ago
          frustrating when it seems like they don't want to help themselves.
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          • Thanks. Okay, maybe breaking it down would help. Seems like a longer list might overwhelm but we've not tried breaking it down in smaller chunks. Thanks. Mondays are particularly...(more) 12 hr 30 min ago
            hard.
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            • I know, I get it :) It's really hard to figure a way out of the nagging/resentment/anger ADHD dynamic. 12 hr 20 min ago
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        • Have you tried a checklist? Brreak it down to a list, laminate so she can check off as she finishes each thing if she likes. Put i in the right order for her. 12 hr 19 min ago
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          • I think we are going to do this visualization thing w/ a reward. We've had checklists before but not for about a year or so. Always need to try new things. 12 hr 17 min ago
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    • She needs a firm consequence for speaking to you that way. Every time. Doesn't have to be large but has to be real -- e.g. 5 min of ipad time 11 hr 58 min ago
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  10. Special Needs 9yo has been a classic case of anxiety since a toddler. He did CBT which helped. When I took him to a psychiatrist last year to see about meds, she thought it was more about ADD...(more) 13 hr 32 min ago (35 replies)
    and that the anxiety was a side issue. He is able to maintain a B+ average, his teacher claims that he zones out sometimes at rug time but she thinks he is worrying more than a focus issue. He always then asks for a help after if he needs. Our main issue isn't so much in school but he holds it together during day and has bad tantrums sometimes at home. Any input? We go back to psych this week about possible meds but she was of the thinking it's more like ADD. My gut is anxiety, he asks me daily several times if his HW is pack, worries, stress eats.
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    • Rug time? Isn't he way too old for that? 13 hr 30 min ago
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      • not in his school, no, they meet at the rug when they do some instruction 13 hr 28 min ago
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        • What kind of school is this? 13 hr 27 min ago
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          • a public school, why? 13 hr 27 min ago
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        • Mine too. I don't think they necessarily call it rug time but they do sit on the rug for instruction 13 hr 19 min ago
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          • OP: yes, it's not really called rug time but I am describing when they go to the rug area to have a discussion etc. This isn't how it is all day. The classroom is large and has...(more) 13 hr 18 min ago
            different areas.
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    • Reg psych shouldn't diagnose ADHD. You need a neuropsych, double board certified in neurology and psych 13 hr 28 min ago
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      • Should I pay $5K though if it seems like anxiety to me? I was thinking of trying anxiety meds first? 13 hr 27 min ago
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        • Then you'll need a different child psych to diagnose and prescribe since the first one doesn't agree with you 13 hr 26 min ago
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          • She gave us a blood thinner which didn't do anything. I will have to look for someone else then. 13 hr 26 min ago
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            • Um wtf? 13 hr 25 min ago
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              • sorry, blood pressure meds, non stim drug that is sometimes used to treat ADHD. 13 hr 23 min ago
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                • Oh clonidine 13 hr 20 min ago
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                  • yes, it didn't do anything 13 hr 17 min ago
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      • A regular ped pyschIATRIST can. Not a psychologist. 12 hr 37 min ago
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        • What are you talking about? Of course, a psychologist can diagnose adhd!! 10 hr 37 min ago
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          • Cannot treat it legally. 9 hr 48 min ago
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            • This post has been deleted. 6 hr 53 min ago
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    • We went through this with my DS. His psychologist thought there was ADHD, so sent us to neuropsych. The test results were inconclusive, but she dx'd on the strength on the...(more) 13 hr 22 min ago
      psychologist's report. I felt uneasy with the dx, but ee went to a psychiatrist to test out ADHD meds, and it was a huge horrible failure. He's doing very well on an antidepressant now for his anxiety and ocd. Moral of the story: get it checked out by the pros, but don't discount your own judgement. You know him best.
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    • My dd started showing symptoms in 3rd grade - not surprising, runs in the family, esp. older sister. Our psych feels they are tightly woven together (the ADD and the anxiety) and...(more) 13 hr 20 min ago
      it's often tough to tell what behavior is a symptom of which disorder. But nevertheless, she strongly feels we will never get a handle on the ADD without first alleviating some of the anxiety. I agree with her. The anxiety finally seems a bit better on the right meds (freshman in hs!), which she only started over the summer.
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      • np sounds similar to my ds. diagnosed with GAD in 4th grade. but struggled in 7th and 8th and then got a diagnosis of ADD too. he's on vyvanse and paxil. seems to be getting...(more) 10 hr 32 min ago
        it together in 9th grade. switched schools too and hired a couple tutors
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    • Ime, teachers tend to be very wrong about this. I dont mean to disparage yours, she may be the rare insightful, well-informed one. I've had a few flat-out deny dd's textbook...(more) 13 hr 12 min ago
      behaviors. Anyway, I firmly believe most symptoms are an utter tangle. My dc: wandered away at rug time to straighten up the classroom! The guidance people thought she had OCD. No, not in the least. She's lose focus quickly during rug time, that would exacerbate the anxiety, and her impulse when that happened would alwats be "ok, I have to get away from this now". She was clever enough to hide the fact that she had no idea what the teacher had been saying for the last 5 minutes, by doing something that appear "helpful" even though it was not the time for that.
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      • Teacher is very experienced but I know that she is not a doctor. I guess we are going to have to see what meds work. We're not seeing the hyperactivity component but it's hard...(more) 13 hr 5 min ago
        to determine if it's ADD related or anxiety. We can't have these tantrums at home anymore, that is the main issue.
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        • Same here. No sign at school it's ADD because there was never any hyperactivity. Just "she needs to focus more and work harder". Which is why, like so many ADD girls, she was Dxd...(more) 12 hr 42 min ago
          Late. We had been begging teachers and guidance teacher to gell us what was wrong, for years. We never heard of ADHD without the H! Finally a very wise guidance person in freshman year of HS told us to let her ped know, as sometimes an underlying condition can be the cause. He obviously knew, but couldnt make a diagnosis. Anyway, the tantrums at home were just traumatizing to the entire family. Teachers only saw a polite, sweet, obedient student who didnt pay enough attention in class and appeared to be lazy. They said she was so insightful when called on, so why didnt she ever hand in her HW or finish her assignments in class?
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      • Np. True. My ds's teacher was flat out wrong, but I find it's very hard to change initial impressions. That goes for some psych professionals too. 12 hr 55 min ago
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    • What are the tantrums about? Is there any trigger or commonality? That could be telling. ADHD and anxiety can be very hard to tease apart, especially if he's having anxiety about...(more) 12 hr 57 min ago
      school performance.
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      • The tantrums could be a sibling teasing for example, so he is triggered by that, then tries to hit sibling or get physical, overly angry and then cries and can't get himself out...(more) 10 hr 57 min ago
        of it, gets even more anxious and ashamed. Then he will say "it was a hard day at school, the teacher puts a lot of pressure on me to do everything right and I feel nervous that I am going to fail". Meanwhile, he sits and does his HW, focuses and gets good grades. He is bottling in all of this anxiety. He has been anxious since he was a baby, but in preschool and younger years never exhibited any sort of ADD behaviors, always the model child. Strives for perfection and obsesses about it and has many nice friendships.
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    • I would find a different psych. Often anxiety looks like adhd 10 hr 32 min ago
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      • Going to, thank you. 10 hr 30 min ago
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        • Np: ITA about second opinion. It sounds like the anxiety is much more of a problem than any attention issue. Meanwhile, as a separate approach from meds, CBT is very effective...(more) 10 hr 22 min ago
          with anxiety and would also probably help with the attention issues as well (coping, organization skills, building tolerance etc). GL
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    • Hello us! Especially on the holding it together at school/losing it at home. We did the neuropsych route, "at risk variant for ADHD." But that doesn't really help much. 10 hr 23 min ago
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    • You need to see a different psychiatrist. These things can be hard to diagnose in one visit and you don't have confidence in this one. I agree with CBT -at least the therapist...(more) 3 hr 29 min ago
      will get a better idea of it is anxiety or adhd, though a psychiatrist or some M.D. will need to diagnose and treat if you want meds for anxiety or adhd.
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      • ^Since you are not looking for learning issues I would not spend thousands on a neuropsychologist at this time. 3 hr 28 min ago
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  11. Special Needs Any BTDT? My ADHD/HFA 9yo is a mess in groups. He does great at school in a self-contained classroom with 2x/week social skills. But any time we're in a big group -- like this...(more) 15 hr 25 min ago (13 replies)
    weekend's Cub Scout camping trip -- it is a shitshow. He tries to control the play, is generally immature and weird, other kids reject him (sometimes bully), and he gets aggressive back. And this is from probably the seeetest kid you've ever met. Besides just avoiding all group activities, how do you work on this in any meaningful way?
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    • we did social skills from age 5-8 and helped a lot. Can you google to look for groups in your area? Ours was run by a SN teacher in a CBT-type setting 15 hr 24 min ago
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      • ^^^ds is also in talk-therapy with a psychologist each week. Also CBT, also really hepful 15 hr 23 min ago
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      • Yes, as above, he's already gets social skills 2x/week with school psychologist and behaviorist (who are both wonderful) 15 hr 20 min ago
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    • group dynamic is hard, and if he's not closely supervised now might not be the time to release him into large activities without an adult who is skilled at supervising 15 hr 24 min ago
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      • My dh was there the whole time, but he said he felt like he was contstantly pulling him out and giving negative feedback and then feeling awful about it. I feel like we need...(more) 15 hr 20 min ago
        parent training on how to observe and intervene in these situations.
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        • that is a great idea, if it is available. sometimes it is all about the smaller things you can do to facilitate and help. 15 hr 19 min ago
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        • Re: your dh above. Can I suggest you talk to your behaviorist about constant negative feedback. It's counter productive. And men *your dh* are the slowest in getting this...(more) 15 hr 15 min ago
          through their skulls
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          • Dh was aware but said he didn't know how to "change the narrative" in the moment. I think we could all use help with that. 15 hr 2 min ago
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            • np - I posted below. It's going to be an uphill battle to change the narrative at a large group event when you are not in a position to change other's behavior, there's no...(more) 13 hr 48 min ago
              downtime, and kids have likely gotten less sleep than they need
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    • I approach this with DS by just staying away from loosely structured, larger group activities. I stopped putting him in situations where he was guaranteed to fail, and supported...(more) 14 hr 41 min ago
      Development of the skills that will help him do better, with social skills group. Is there a small class or activity he likes, where he can stay somewhat regulated, and feel good about himself? I would focus on that rather than keep trying at scouts, etc, until he's ready.
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      • This. It's a long way from a SC classroom to a cub scout camping trip which is longer, less structured, lacks trained staff, etc. OP, your dh was not in a position to remake the...(more) 13 hr 51 min ago
        situation so he was left with little to work with. Not only was this a large group, but a large group with social skills to navigate for every waking minute. Consider taking ds for just part of the trip next time.
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    • Op: Thank you for all the thoughts. I think we should replace Cub Scouts with a smaller group activity for now. Will have my dh read this too. 5 hr 18 min ago
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      • GL. But consider a happy medium- weekly meetings, part of camping trip only for now 3 hr 51 min ago
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  12. Special Needs This post has been deleted. 15 hr 29 min ago (0 replies)
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  13. Special Needs Is ECFS good with ADHD kids 22 hr 48 min ago (5 replies)
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    • no, i would say not. they are good with bright kids that can stay focused. ds had issues with focus, and it definitely would not have flown if you threw in the "h". 22 hr 46 min ago
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      • Where is he now? 22 hr 45 min ago
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        • still at ecfs 22 hr 43 min ago
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          • Still struggle! 22 hr 32 min ago
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            • he's doing fine at this point, but ethical doesn't deal well with hyperactive kids. 22 hr 29 min ago
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  14. Special Needs Best school for twice gifted kids Manhattan or Brooklyn? 23 hr 3 min ago (4 replies)
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    • wtf is twice gifted??? 22 hr 57 min ago
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    • This post has been disliked 4 times. showIt's not called twice gifted, moron. It's twice exceptional 20 hr 12 min ago
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    • Quad 15 hr 44 min ago
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    • Age? Spec Ed Issues? Agree with Quad. Some mainstream schools MIGHT be ok depending upon needs. 13 hr 35 min ago
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  15. Special Needs Thoughts on twice gifted schools in NYC? 23 hr 5 min ago (2 replies)
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    • wtf is a twice gifted school 23 hr 5 min ago
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      • Like autism plus high iq, but it's not called twice gifted its twice exceptional. 20 hr 13 min ago
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  16. Special Needs Awful night. 8 yo asd ds had a panic attack, kept saying he wants to kill himself 10-15-2017 8:09pm (19 replies)
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    • Oh my gosh. What set him off? 10-15-2017 8:09pm
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      • He's still wetting the bed/feels like a failure/dh barked at him about not eating dinner 10-15-2017 8:10pm
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        • Poor thing. Have you spoken to ped? 10-15-2017 8:11pm
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          • I was recommended to autism integrative care unit and we are still filling out profiles, forms. They recommended sleep study and psychologists. I need to move faster on getting...(more) 10-15-2017 8:13pm
            it done obviously :(
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            • Maybe he will feel a little better once a plan comes together. 10-15-2017 8:14pm
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              • He has a really complicated medical history and I've watched him nearly die on a handful of occasions. I think I'm in shock. I expect he will feel better tomorrow. Not sure how...(more) 10-15-2017 8:16pm
                I shake...
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                • thats sounds scary. 10-15-2017 8:20pm
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        • :( 10-15-2017 8:12pm
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        • My 8yo still wears a pull up. Does your ds know that it's regulated by a specific hormone? Anti diuretic hormone. His hasn't built up enough - it's on the older end of normal but...(more) 10-15-2017 8:18pm
          nothing to feel ashamed over - knowing the science helps my 8yo who is also sortof bummed out but I think he's pretty close
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          • Ah-thanks! He would really like to know that. He also takes melatonin for difficulty falling asleep and that may complicate too 10-15-2017 8:20pm
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    • aww, i'm so so sorry :( my ds has very bad anxiety and was saying these kinds of things when he was about 9-10. we put him on medicine, it's helped tremendously. is your ds on...(more) 10-15-2017 8:12pm
      anything?
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      • No! They suggested that was some far off extreme solution. I'm all for anything that will alleviate his pain. What does your son take? 10-15-2017 8:14pm
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        • We started ds on Fluoxetine (which is essentially Prozac) when we was around 8. He's 12 now. We've weaned him off a couple of times, but in the end, we had to go back to it and...(more) 10-15-2017 8:22pm
          that's ok.
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          • Thanks 10-15-2017 8:22pm
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            • Good luck. Sounds like the poor babe is struggling. Sending you hugs. 10-15-2017 8:25pm
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    • If in the tri-state area go see Shumyle Alam, MD, pediatric urologist. Wish that I got to him sooner....(more) 10-15-2017 10:15pm
      • What was Dr AlaM's approach? 10-15-2017 10:21pm
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        • First he teases out of it's behavioral or developmental. For my son it was better urinary hygiene. Go to the bathroom every three hours, cut out acidic drinks, no drinking after...(more) 10-15-2017 11:36pm
          8pm, kind of stuff. I had a neurotransmitter put in my back for my sacral nerve by CUMC. My mother had the same issues. So we are trying to aboid that route.
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    • So sorry! My 7 yo ds was in a similar state this past week. He has intrusive thoughts and told me he wanted to get a gun and shoot himself in the head to make them stop. I...(more) 10-15-2017 10:26pm
      tried to assure him that all will be ok and we're going to get him help. I ask him to tell me the thoughts so they're not so scary. We are meeting with his psych tomorrow. You and ds aren't alone was all I wanted to convey. Hope both our dc feel better soon.
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  17. Special Needs Anyone have an LD child in college or if you've looked at colleges? My LD senior in HS is applying but we have very little time to go see schools so I am trying to get a read on...(more) 10-15-2017 5:46pm (16 replies)
    colleges that have good support for LD students but are not LD colleges. DD very typical socially but needs the academic support. Any info I can get w/out traveling helpful (I'm getting medical treatment).
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    • There's a book that lists colleges with good support systems:...(more) 10-15-2017 5:48pm
      • Salt program at U of Arizona. also consider an independent college counselor who specializes in this 10-15-2017 5:51pm
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        • We me once with one who basically said her lowest price package is $2500 and we don't need that much support for applications, just where to apply. I didn't know if anyone here...(more) 10-15-2017 6:04pm
          had actually looked at schools. A few she mentioned in the intro meeting are in the middle of nowhere tiny schools that would require a weekend just to get there and back.
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    • What kind of LD does she have? I would look at the colleges acceptances for kids from LD schools like Gow, Forman, etc... what does she want to study? 10-15-2017 5:49pm
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      • She has language based issues - dyslexia. She doesn't know yet what she wants t major in, possibly psychology, education or a health related field. 10-15-2017 5:58pm
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        • I know a kid with dyslexia at Skidmore. Seems to be working out OK. Also, UVM has LD support, I believe. Not sure if it's their forte, but it's there. 10-15-2017 6:27pm
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    • i've heard from friends that Marist has excellent support 10-15-2017 5:54pm
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      • Do they have kids there? My DD is not a great student and I worry that Marist may be too...(more) 10-15-2017 6:00pm
        hard but it depends on how much help they offer.
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        • yes but he graduated.. he was a so-so student -- he was only willing to work onthings he was interested in 10-15-2017 6:09pm
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      • Marist has an actual program for dyslexic students. My ds goes to The Windward School. It might be worth a shot to call them. They are super tuned into supprt for students with...(more) 15 hr 21 min ago
        language based learning disabilities. They might be able to rattle off a list and then you can go look into. I know pone of the University of Colorado schools has a great program too. Not sure if its denver or boulder
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    • Check out American, Muhlenberg, Fairleigh Dickinson, also look at college acceptances on Marvelwood school website. 10-15-2017 8:03pm
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    • You need to determine how much support you think your dc will need. Some schools have special programs but every school has an office of student disabilities and kids get...(more) 10-15-2017 8:53pm
      accommodationstions and can have tutors and writing support at every college in the country. I have a sophomore in college who came from an LD school. My D.C.'s school does not have a seperate support program but DC has friends that are at a lot of those schools. American, uNiversity of Arizonia, Adelphi, Hpfstra, U of Vermont, Dean, LYnn, Farleigh Dickerson and blanking on the name rogjt now but there are 2 in westchester, Pace, U of Hartford I know kids at Bennington, Goucher, Ithaca, Sarah Lawrence, Syracuse, Drexel, RIT with LDs who are doing really well. My dc is at Emerson, he has testing accommodations and he goes to the writing center when he needs help with papers. some kids need schools that reach out to the kids through the support programs but if your kid has the study skills in place and is a strong advocate they can get the help anywhere.
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      • Thanks! I think we are looking for a school that keeps some track of kids through a support program. If any of your Das friends are in a school like that and are happy let me...(more) 15 hr 37 min ago
        know! My DD is socially very typical but goes to a very small SN school and is nervous about college, so wants a program to really support her but in a regular college or University -not too small and isolated.
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        • The only ones that are know are not happy is one kid at Pace and another kid at Landmark. But could just be that it's a poor fit for those kids 5 hr 33 min ago
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  18. Special Needs Puberty is kicking 13 year old DS butt. The past two months he has a horrible vocal tic. Are there any natural treatments or such to consider? 10-14-2017 8:09pm (3 replies)
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    • I don't think puberty produces tics. I would check with doctor. If taking meds, follow up with psych 10-15-2017 6:16am
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      • Yes it does. The hormonal surges can bring them out in a kid predisposed. Per our dr. 10-15-2017 5:14pm
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      • Np: I hate answers like this. If you have nothing to contribute to help, why even respons 10-15-2017 5:16pm
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  19. Special Needs Very low am with ds. I behaved like him, to him today and as if I didn't hate myself enough I do even more today. I wish I was dead. No, I wish someone somewhere would actually...(more) 10-14-2017 2:16pm (59 replies)
    fucking help us!!!! HELP!!!! How many years can this go on for! I am destroying his soul and he mine. It is so unhealthy in this house I am ready to send him somewhere so that at least he might have a chance at a normal future and a relationship with me. At this point he will hate me and never speak to me again when he can leave. If he can leave. He has not stopped screaming at the top of his lungs for months. Months. Never anywhere else, just at me, in the house. Or the car. I ask him to do homework, he screams. Ask him to eat dinner, he screams. Ask him to shower, he screams. Ask him to pick up dirty clothes all over the couch, he screams. If I say computer time is done, he really screams. Screams like someone is killing him. So today after he did this all am I screamed just like him. At the top of my lungs like I was being attacked. He of course started screaming even more and wouldn't stop. Then when he calmed down and later I said I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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    • Are you the single mom who posts fairly regularly? You need a break but if youíre who I think you are, Iím not sure how you will get one. 10-14-2017 2:18pm
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      • yes probably. this is my only outlet. our psych is useless, the system is useless, we have no family here, I have no support, I work and pay for everything alone. I have no...(more) 10-14-2017 2:21pm
        patience whatsoever. I am so emotionally fucked up and done I can't even imagine him making it in any way.
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        • I know itís hard to imagine trying a new therapist when youíre this low but I imagine there is someone out there who can help you. YOU need your own therapist. Regardless of what...(more) 10-14-2017 2:25pm
          your son is doing and whether you are making it worse or not (Iím not saying that you are - just repeating your fears) you need help coping. There has to be someone who can help you more than what youíre getting now.
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          • op-yes I know. I don't know why it's so hard to find someone. It's been years of different people trying to help and they are all so wishy washy and don't ever actually make a...(more) 10-14-2017 2:26pm
            plan and work towards goals and DO anything..just check in with meds, listen to me cry and tell them all the same shit...I'm so done.
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            • Np; do you have help for you? Family therapy? In home skills training? 10-14-2017 2:27pm
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              • not now. I have had to pay myself and what a bunch of useless people we have had...the last one was nice but his approach was a bit odd, better with younger kids and he really had...(more) 10-14-2017 2:52pm
                no plan of action or tangible things to work on...same thing, once a week would come over, try to coax ds to come out and talk and listen...give us some tips...so minuscule not enough to actually make a difference. I need someone who will really take charge and get deep into the actual day to day issues and someone who can work with him on self regulation and his emotional stuff...but first we need to be able to manage just the day to day and relate to each other without screaming
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    • op-I said I can't live like this with this behaviour. I know you have a hard time and need help but if you can manage to not do that everywhere else then you can also manage to...(more) 10-14-2017 2:20pm
      not do that at home to me. He said I do not sound or look like that! I don't sound like what you did. I said, you do, that's what its like. Imagine what the neighbours think. omg. I don't know what to do. Our relationship is just destroyed. And there is no-one else. I am alone with him and have no family and no help and no therapy and nothing has ever worked or stuck with long term. I am at the end. If he had a family I would just leave so he could have a chance. I hate myself so much, I have ruined him and vice versa. How can he be on such a strong medication to make him stop doing this yet he's worse?!!! ability 5mg since feb and he's worse. He doesn't rage and throw furniture but he's more anxious and has no self regulation whatsoever. I'm so scared.
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      • Iíve done that with dd before - imitating her behavior to show her what itís like. She, too, claims that what I did was more severe, less warranted, whatever - than her behavior....(more) 10-14-2017 2:29pm
        And she loves to tell me that Iím held to a higher standard bc I am 45 and she is 15. Hereís the thing - we are all human. And every one has their breaking point. You apologized to ds. He thinks you were worse than him. Thereís really no way to convince him. If you can manage to video him and show him, when heís calm, what his tantrums look like, then MAYBE that would give him insight. But he sounds too compromised to be able to see it. You have to figure out how to get to healthier place - you - so matter how low ds is - you are in a better place to deal with it. Part of getting there is acknowledging your bad behavior (youíve done it,) apologizing for it (youíve done it) and moving on. Right now you have to focus on the moving on. Does your current psych give you specific guidance on how to interact through out the day? You need that. How will the two of you handle breakfast? How do you handle getting out the door for school? For games? Whatever.
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        • thank you. I look back over how many years of me yelling at him after so much frustration and putting up with so much shit from him and I just think I have ruined him and made it...(more) 10-14-2017 2:35pm
          all so much worse. But then again how do you just sit here like a robot getting verbally abused for years? how do you just sit like a robot all alone day in and day out while watching and listening to this absolutely crazy behaviour
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          • np-you don't. You have to enlist help in the form of family therapy and skills training. No one is equipped to parent like this. You need as much help as he does. 10-14-2017 2:37pm
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      • Ask the dr. about going back on zoloft for anxiety. 10-15-2017 3:00pm
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    • He needs a therapeutic boarding school. You both need a break 10-14-2017 2:21pm
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    • I would absolutely look into boarding school or therapeutic boarding school. 10-14-2017 2:22pm
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      • how? with what money? I have been so stuck for so long I make absolute crap money. I have no help. I have barely ever been able to hold a job long because it's constant taking him...(more) 10-14-2017 2:25pm
        to the dr or taking him to therapy or staying home because the school calls constantly to come get him or he would refuse to go to school. never ending. literally ever and still is. I have to leave work and take him to his psych and I have to take him to his OT once a week in the middle of the day...on and on. the one good thing is he's going to school. he's failing completely, he can't remember to bring a binder or a pen to his desk but at least he's going.
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        • Np: does he have a social worker? If so, you can get respite care and a Pca to help you. Also it opens the door to more services. 10-14-2017 2:27pm
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          • He has a youth worker in his school class program, we have a psych at childrens mental health hospital where we have always gone, there was a social worker there he met with me...(more) 10-14-2017 2:30pm
            once to give me a list of places to call but nothing came of it...there has been cps person involved when he told them I shoved him (haha other way around) and they came and then their recommendation was that I CALL a parent teen mediation service and that team said it was a 3-6 month wait list. Nothing ever comes of anything unless you pay $150 an hour privately and I can't afford 3 different things each week of this, I am drowning. I don't know what to do
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            • Local social services department. Child mental health. 10-14-2017 2:31pm
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            • are you in nyc? 10-14-2017 2:36pm
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              • no 10-14-2017 2:50pm
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                • np: not in nyc. similar story here but dh and I could front the money for the therapeutic boarding school. it has been transformative. we have a new kid and a new family. we are...(more) 10-15-2017 10:39am
                  suing the dsitrict now and hope to get a very good settlement but no idea what'll happen. i LOATHE the idea that we can save our son only because we could front the tremendous money. I'm sharing this as I do know people are able to get this sort of services without fronting after going through the crap you are doing. No idea what state you are in. I'm not in NYS but there is a statewide autism listserve I'm on where I've seen people say they qualified for schools of this ilk while being on foodstamps and having no income to front for lawyers or anything. Granted their kids are not at the 'best' or 'cushiest' schools but they've done better. FWIW, in my state the state approved schools are 110+k/year but we found an out of state school that better fits us and is substantially less than that. GOOD LUCK!
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                  • That's so good to hear, it makes me so sad to think of having him go away. I feel so much guilt that it's all because of me that he acts like this. Or something I did. He's always...(more) 10-15-2017 12:48pm
                    Been a screamer though. Even as a baby and toddler. Would just scream bloody murder. I think even as a baby from 3 and under, I had such bad ppd and the stress of his father never being around and I had such bad patience even then. I must have screwed him up somehow :(
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        • The social worker at your school. 10-14-2017 2:30pm
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          • ^^surrender him to foster care. 10-14-2017 2:31pm
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            • no way. I may need a break but I can't do that to him. 10-14-2017 2:50pm
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    • new meds 10-14-2017 2:34pm
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      • so hard, he's been on so many over the years. always reacted poorly to stimulants and non stim even...kind of like how he is being now but worse...complete and utter losing it...(more) 10-14-2017 2:55pm
        going crazy behaviour, sometimes very aggressive, always crying and screaming and out of control. prozac and zoloft were ok but not great, and then he kind of lost the plot on both of them...acted/spoke like he was suicidal, very out of touch and aggressive and out of it. Always the screaming. what is that? screams when he is anxious or mad or upset or frustrated...even as a baby he was a screamer.
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        • NP maybe he needs a break from all the meds. maybe they've played havoc with his system. 10-14-2017 10:15pm
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          • Yes I wonder about that too. 10-15-2017 12:41pm
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    • I am so sorry for your situation. I can't imagine how you hang in. It seems new meds might help. I do not think it awful that you demonstrated his behavior. The next time he...(more) 10-14-2017 2:57pm
      screams in response to you, scream back at him. No, it won't help but it will release pent up frustration. I wish you could find a therapeutic boarding school for him. You need some space. How old is he?
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      • thanks. it did feel good kind of. but at the same time he started screaming again and I just wanted to either shake him or hug him. it was awful. I have conflicting emotions 24...(more) 10-14-2017 2:59pm
        hours a day with him. fuck you I hate how you are and omg you poor broken child I am so sorry you feel like this.
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        • Please remember you did not ruin him. I hope things get better. Somehow. 10-14-2017 3:02pm
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          • thank you. somehow. they must :( 10-14-2017 3:13pm
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    • You have the 13yo? I recognize you because my 11yo is similar. Can you get any respite services? 10-14-2017 6:41pm
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    • I moved from screaming to psycho and threatened to burn all of DS clothes in front of his school. I think psycho scared him straight. I feel awful about it, but I am at the end...(more) 10-14-2017 7:05pm
      of my rope. -np
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      • You need to get help. Seriously. Call a suicide hotline because your behavior is that level crazy. 10-14-2017 7:08pm
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      • does your state have an autism waiver or department of social services? or a good social worker at the school? there has to be some sort of public agency whose resources you can...(more) 10-15-2017 10:40am
        draw upon. please find the listserves and resources for your state and start calling them.
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    • Your relationship is not destroyed. You must, however, forgive yourself. Being compassionate first with YOU. It's reasonable compassion, not self-pity. You must treat yourself as...(more) 10-14-2017 7:10pm
      you would if another woman told you all her problems. So you can go on.
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      • You're human, you lost it. What mother (who actually mothers her children) hasn't? we all have. You're not broken, you're not horrible, you're not evil, You're human. You...(more) 10-14-2017 7:12pm
        you posted on here. You feel bad. A truly bad mother wouldn't give a fuck how he turned out. A truly bad mom would actually burn the clothes, not just threaten it. So first cut yourself a break. You need it.
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        • whatever happens you cannot give in to negative thinking. You are really doing an amazing job holding it all together. Hang in there, parenting is HARD work if you're doing it...(more) 10-14-2017 7:27pm
          right. Whenever I yell at my kids I always apologize and tell them my behavior is not their fault, I am working on my behavior so I can be a better mom. I tell them how much I love them. And I hug them. You can show him how you work through your negative feelings. XO
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    • You both need a break, go have some fun or something. 10-14-2017 7:13pm
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    • Has he been on meds like abilify or other mood or anti-psychotic meds - there are various ones used to help people regulate themselves and their rage and can be very effective. 10-14-2017 8:32pm
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      • Yes he's on abilify now. 5mg. Since February because his "tantrums" had become full on violent rages throwing things and really out of it losing it. However he was on Zoloft still...(more) 10-15-2017 12:44pm
        Then too. Took him off that and started abilify right away.
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        • Has the abilify helped at all? Also 5mg not very much depending on his height/weight. 10-15-2017 2:57pm
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          • Well he doesn't have the full on destructive rages at all. But he also stopped the Zoloft at the exact same time. So again I have no idea if the Zoloft was contributing or not....(more) 10-15-2017 8:06pm
            His anxiety is worse off the ssri though. He's always been defiant. Always had huge problems with self regulation. Hos psych who prescribed it says there's no point going up, that research shows there isn't much difference in 10mg and doesn't usually help. Part of his frostration comes from not being able to focus and his flailing and frustration with school.
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            • Is it possible the school is not the right one for him? Is he in SN school? 2 hr 38 min ago
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    • I say this with compassion - you are most of the problem. Doctors, therapists, schools - everyone is "useless." Maybe they knew something you don't. What you are doing isn't...(more) 10-14-2017 9:16pm
      working. Your child needs help that you can't give. You may be what he needs help with. If you love him, please stop blaming and rejecting everyone else. Put your ego aside and listen to others. Everyone else is not useless and stupid. You are letting your character issues destroy your child.
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      • A compassionate poster would use different phrasing. It's really hard being a single mother w/o the proper support. 10-14-2017 9:41pm
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      • As someone who has tens of, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars with "experts," that are supposed to know more than me and supposed to help and have produced very little...(more) 10-15-2017 6:27am
        progress, I understand OPs frustration. It does not sound like she is ignoring advice, it just sounds like the advice has not worked. I totally empathize.
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        • Op-thank you, this. 10-15-2017 12:33pm
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      • Op-they aren't useless per se and I do not say no to any help. I fight for it and beg for it, I have for years. Having to use free government help is not easy. They aren't...(more) 10-15-2017 12:31pm
        joyfully providing all this wonderful amazing instant support. And when I pay for it myself it's just never been very helpful. I pay $135 a week for him to go to an OT right now. I was paying $100 a week for a family therapist too until that ended, he does 10 sessions and then moves on. Literally nothing stuck.
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    • If not a therapeutic boarding school, would some kind of stay in psychiatric hospital or "partial hospitalization," program be available and/or covered by insurance? Where do you...(more) 10-15-2017 6:31am
      live? Any teaching hospitals close in the area? They may have such program and a social worker or intake person may be able to help sort out the insurance coverage? Are you eligible for Medicaid? Any support groups for families with SN kids in your area? Such groups may be affiliated with social service agencies, special ed schools, churches/synagouges, YMCA/JCC, hospitals. Such groups may be good sources of local referrals? What are the diagnoses right now?
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      • That's been discussed before but he does too well in every other area (not academically) ie socially he's good with friends now, he's fine with teachers and extracurricular...(more) 10-15-2017 12:39pm
        activities, he manages himself reasonably well. Maybe I will bring it up again.
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    • When my child reaches a point where behavior is so bad, I leave - either the room or even the house and I have told him I cannot be him when he behaves that way, I need a break....(more) 10-15-2017 6:32am
      Are you able to leave him alone, if needbe?
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      • Yes and I do all the time. That's what the last therapist said. Just leave the house when he does this. So basically I am out of the house 95% of the time. It's every interaction...(more) 10-15-2017 12:36pm
        with him. He defies everything I request or say. Even yesterday, he was out with friends all day, came home and a family member came to take him to a friends place as I was out and he just started screaming and tantrumming towards him. I had said he needed to shower before going out and even coming from someone else my request was met with defiance and screaming. Wth?!
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        • How about trying to pick your battles - don't worry about showering (if he is social, at some point he will care if he stinks), messy bedroom (just shut the door), respeciting you...(more) 10-15-2017 2:50pm
          is non-negotiable. Safety is non-negotiable. Perhaps even let the homework go?? If the academics really slip you may have a case for more support.
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    • Slap him 10-15-2017 12:34pm
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    • Request a "do-over." When I match my kids behavior I admit I am wrong and ask we can try and start "the day," or whatever over. Maybe find somethign you enjoy doing togehter and...(more) 10-15-2017 2:53pm
      "meeting him," at something he enjoys. Watching a TV show or movie together, playing a game (board or video) with him, as him to teach you about fantasy football (or some kind of interest he has), plan a trip together, bake or cook together, go for a run together.
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      • Yes. Totally agree. 10-15-2017 3:09pm
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    • Is he in a SN scholar need to be? If he is not is there after school homework help? He needs to not have to do work with you. Pick your battles. You need to be able to do some fun...(more) 10-15-2017 3:08pm
      things with him - if he likes the computer play some video games with him. Let him relax at home. Just try a different approach for a while. Don't fight about the shower or dinner. Let him know dinner is in the refrigerator. Try not to lose your cool. Give him incentives to study, keep things clean, etc. Find things to compliment him on.
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  20. Special Needs Suggestions for summer camp (day only) for a 10yo with Aspergers. Looking for social skill building and conversation pragmatically. 10-14-2017 1:17pm (10 replies)
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    • Where are you? 10-14-2017 1:17pm
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      • UWS but dc goes to Summit. Will travel for the right program. 10-14-2017 1:18pm
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    • JCC on the Hudson/Twelve Trails; also, Our Victory Day Camp 10-14-2017 2:56pm
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      • ^also, if you're on FB, join Special Moms Network 10-14-2017 2:58pm
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        • OP TY! 10-14-2017 3:00pm
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          • :-) 10-14-2017 3:08pm
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            • ^^also, Yomi and Eye to Eye 10-14-2017 5:21pm
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    • Camp excel 10-14-2017 3:37pm
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    • Harbor Haven 10-14-2017 5:23pm
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    • Most Y camps have inclusion programs (you have to ask, not usually advertised), and TechKids Unlimited was great. 10-15-2017 6:49pm
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  21. Special Needs Dd is 10, newly dxd with ADHD Inattentive. She sees the woman who dxd her once a week (though has only gone once, because of scheduling challenges that have been straightened...(more) 10-14-2017 10:07am (12 replies)
    out). My question for anyone with a kid with dx is -- what is your communication like with teachers? Dd has five teachers, and had a science test this week she had forgotten about. They have a homework notebook and it's their responsibility to write it down, and she didn't. Would you reach out to the teacher to ask to be kept in the loop about future tests? Dd needs to learn this herself, but she needs help in the process. I'm sort of at sea here, not sure how to help. Suggestions?
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    • My ds has a 504 for ADHD Inattentive and teachers do not refer to it ever. It's on me and ds, I've learned, but our school has a HW calendar and I'm on top of it, more than I want...(more) 10-14-2017 10:11am
      to be.
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      • op - Okay, I think that will be my situation. They don't have an online homework calendar that I know of, but I"ll obviously have to look into it. Does your ds see a therapist?...(more) 10-14-2017 10:14am
        Does it help with anything?
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        • My ds did a huge turn around in 7th grade. 5th and 6th were him in a fog, barely knew his middle name or what day it was. Maturity and hormones were a major help and he started...(more) 10-14-2017 10:17am
          caring in a way he didn't before so fought harder against his natural tendencies. He didn't see a therapist; I couldn't see a point in it for him. It's a hard time and I just tried to be his guide as best I could while trying to teach him to do for himself. I knew where he could and couldn't.
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        • I would meet with principal or guidance counselor for help in this if there's no online calendar, Unusual for middle school for teachers not to have online calendars. 10-14-2017 10:19am
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          • Np: My middle and high schools do not have online calendars. 10-14-2017 10:22am
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          • op - It's fifth grade, so not quite middle, but I will ask about it 10-14-2017 10:22am
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    • My dd was dx in 5th grade as well. She had two teachers at the time and they were very UNhelpful. Everything I asked that they do, they claimed they were already doing but I...(more) 10-14-2017 10:16am
      suspected that was not true (and got confirmation once she moved to 6th grade with teachers who actually provided support.) Assuming your ddís teachers are willing to accommodate, I would pose the support as something that you will start now with the hope of weaning off by the end of 5th grade. Think about all the options - does dd need to have her assignment book reviewed and initialed by the teacher every class period? Is there a student who could be a buddy to dd and make sure her assignments are written down? When I taught 5th grade we took 5 min in between lunch and recess and EVERYONE was to write the homework down at the same time. I checked in with the kids who werenít getting it done.
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      • ^Does your dd struggle with the length of the homework assignments? Sometimes you can modify those so that dd provides and example of each kind of problem/sentence without...(more) 10-14-2017 10:19am
        completing the ENTIRE assignment. If she has a 504 Plan, she can get extra time on tests.
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        • ^ALSO - you need to decide how much you are going to let dd fail. Once her assignments are in her agenda consistently, and you know she has a quiet place with time to complete the...(more) 10-14-2017 10:21am
          Homework assignments, you can back off and let her get done what she gets done. The key is to SUPPORT without you putting in more effort that she is. Itís tricky - especially if she takes meds bc, once the meds wear off, they are more tired/beligerent/unwilling to work on homework. Start early on with NOT letting it become a control issue between you and dd.
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        • op - Hm, that isn't much a problem for her - though she HATES having to 'log' her reading time (she's a great reader, it's just one of those things she 'forgets' to ...(more) 10-14-2017 10:22am
          is here, and then has to do when we come home)
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    • we are lucky, our teachers are very willing to help out. Ds has an assignement notebook, his teachers sign off that he wrote down what was on the board for homework, and I sign...(more) 10-14-2017 10:21am
      off that I saw it. Ds knows that if the assigenment book is left at school, he doesn't get any xbox time. so far it seems to be working
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    • op - This is all so helpful. thank you! 10-14-2017 10:39am
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  22. Special Needs Do young kids (2y-3y) with Speech Delay and/or ADHD get ABA services through Early Intervention? Or ABA is only given to kids with a diagnose of Autism? 10-13-2017 10:57pm (59 replies)
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    • The latter. 10-13-2017 10:58pm
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      • Aba is is used on all sorts of people 10-13-2017 11:00pm
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        • Early Intervention does not give ABA as a service unless a child has an autism diagnosis through the system. That is what OP asked. 10-13-2017 11:03pm
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          • ^So OP - if you are concerned about this, tell your EI service coordinator you want a psych eval. One of your current therapists can write the justification. 10-13-2017 11:04pm
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          • No, ABA is given in response to behaviors. Insurance must cover ABA if a child has an ASD dx in most states. 10-13-2017 11:05pm
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            • OP asked "through Early Intervention!" I am answering THAT QUESTION. There is a specific procedure for getting ABA through EI. 10-13-2017 11:07pm
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              • It variesby state. 10-13-2017 11:07pm
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                • OP if you can tell us where you are, we can give you better advice about EI 10-13-2017 11:08pm
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                • ^For ex my ds got ABA without an autism dx in NY state about 4 years ago under EI. He later had an autism dx but those were the CPSE years (after age 3) 10-13-2017 11:08pm
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                  • We are located in NYC. Thank you 10-13-2017 11:24pm
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              • op asked if you can get ABA with speech delay or adhd through EI 10-13-2017 11:08pm
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          • Np aba can be used for all kinds of kids. 10-13-2017 11:07pm
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    • yes and even younger 10-13-2017 10:58pm
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      • ABA for speech delays? 10-13-2017 11:03pm
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        • if he has speech delays he will get services 10-13-2017 11:05pm
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          • not necessarily, no 10-13-2017 11:05pm
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          • if delayed beyond a certain percentage, yes. but that's speech services, not ABA 10-13-2017 11:06pm
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          • If the speech delay is at least 33% he will, but it's much better to try to demonstrate delays in more than one area because then the threshold is 25% 10-13-2017 11:06pm
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    • No 2-3yo has an adhd dx 10-13-2017 10:58pm
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    • You have to have the kid evacuated but ei is not just for kids with autism 10-13-2017 10:59pm
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      • op is talking about ABA which is primarily for autism 10-13-2017 11:04pm
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        • Aba is used for a lot of things. Why comment about something when you are very informed? 10-13-2017 11:06pm
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          • np - it's not exclusive for autism but in the vast majority of cases that is what ABA is for 10-13-2017 11:07pm
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          • why don't you go ahead and tell us when ABA is used? 10-13-2017 11:09pm
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            • It can be used for any child who needs help learning, increasing or decreasing a behavior. It is also used on adults for a number of reasons. 10-13-2017 11:10pm
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              • Give any example in which a person w/o autsim gets ABA 10-13-2017 11:10pm
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                • It is used on people at work to help with certain behaviors such as to increase productivity, it is used to teach kids who don't have autism to increase or decrease a behavior. 10-13-2017 11:11pm
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                  • What do you think aba consists of exactly ?^ 10-13-2017 11:12pm
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                  • autism and related language disorders 10-13-2017 11:14pm
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                    • If you are teaching a behavior but the aba therapist does not teach speech 10-13-2017 11:20pm
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                      • language included 10-13-2017 11:23pm
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                        • If there is a language related behavior but aba is not about teaching language it is about teaching socially valuable behavior. An aba needs to work with a speech therapist...(more) 10-13-2017 11:25pm
                          if they will be constructing and program to aid in teach speech related behaviors.
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                          • language was always already included in the programs i worked on 10-13-2017 11:28pm
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                  • you are thinking of other behavior modification techniques. Not ABA 10-13-2017 11:16pm
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                    • That is what aba is and nothing else 10-13-2017 11:20pm
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          • Have only used ABA with autistic patients 10-13-2017 11:17pm
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            • It is used in other areas 10-13-2017 11:23pm
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    • My ds had a PDD diagnosis and got ABA but it was through our insurance, not EI 10-13-2017 11:03pm
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      • PDD is another code for autism --- PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental delay - not otherwise specified) got rolled in with the rest of autism in the new manuals. 10-13-2017 11:04pm
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    • ABA is given for behavioral delays, not speech. It is given for specific symptoms. There is no such thing as a 2-3 year old with an ADHD dx. 10-13-2017 11:03pm
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      • It is given to change behavior and that is all 10-13-2017 11:08pm
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        • It can absolutely be offered to help with pragmatic language 10-13-2017 11:09pm
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          • If you are teaching a behavior sure 10-13-2017 11:10pm
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            • it is used for all areas of language with autistic kids 10-13-2017 11:20pm
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              • It is used to teach behavior so it can work in conjunction with speech but aba therapist do not teach speech 10-13-2017 11:22pm
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                • sure they can, have worked with many on the same language goals 10-13-2017 11:25pm
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                  • Yes this can aid in teaching a specific behavior but speech therapist teach speech. Get informed 10-13-2017 11:26pm
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                    • Speech language pathologist also teach language. 10-13-2017 11:29pm
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                      • They are the only ones who teach it , they can seek out an aba to help create and implement a program to teach a specific mouth movement of get word use to increase. look it up...(more) 10-13-2017 11:32pm
                        please. You lack of knowledge is so sad.
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                        • educate your self 10-13-2017 11:35pm
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                        • ABA programs include receptive and expressive language behavior. Call it what you want 10-13-2017 11:43pm
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                        • SLP below: that's actually not true. BCBAs program for language. It's caused a lot of tension at times between the 2 professions. Ideally, an SLP is involved. And there are even...(more) 10-14-2017 10:42am
                          SLP-BCBAs now, which is what I'm working towards. But ABA does include a language component. It's better for a BCBA to work with an SLP, but some don't, for a variety of reasons.
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          • with Autistic kids/ adults. 10-13-2017 11:18pm
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    • This post has been deleted. 10-13-2017 11:23pm
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    • Thank you all very much. So a young kid (2-3y) cannot be diagnosed for ADHD/ADD? 10-13-2017 11:28pm
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      • Totally inappropriate dx at that age. 10-14-2017 10:09am
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    • I work for an EI agency in a verbal behavior program. I'm an SLP, working toward becoming a BCBA. My group does ABA for a variety of children. No diagnosis is required. It's more...(more) 10-14-2017 10:20am
      about the behaviors observed during the evaluation and overall concerns that determines placement in our group. So a child with speech delay, etc. can be placed in our verbal behavior/ABA group without an autism diagnosis, if the child would benefit from this approach
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  23. Special Needs If dc has homework and it takes forever because of adhd what do you do about earning screen time? say it's friday...he has homework, you can't just leave it all because he will...(more) 10-13-2017 7:05pm (10 replies)
    always find a way to delay it...but all his friends are playing games...and he could literally spend hours screaming and fussing and arguing and not getting anything or very little done. and during the week..I say no games, he fights me every day, if I go out or say ok when homework is done, he could spend an hour and get 3 questions done that should take 10 minutes, he still doesn't finish the work and still goes on computer. It's the worst thing in both our lives that fucking computer. teen ds.
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    • we have a similar situation. I do take off the brakes on Friday afternoon -- he's like us, they have had a long week, they dneed to decompress, I let him play. We do crack the...(more) 10-13-2017 7:07pm
      books Saturay morning even if other kids can wait till Sunday.
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      • op- would be fine with that...but same thing saturday am...arguing with me and doing everything but what I ask. the computer is the only thing I have to take away that he cares...(more) 10-13-2017 7:15pm
        about
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    • why does he have to do homework on a friday? 10-13-2017 7:07pm
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      • because it piles up all week and even if not he will have weekend homework. if we leave it he wont get it done. he is pretty busy with friends and things all weekend. 10-13-2017 7:11pm
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    • Stick to your guns. Can you help him break his work up in smaller portions so it doesn't look like a mountain of work? 10-13-2017 7:07pm
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      • yes we do...he's completely out of it with no focus at all these days. I want him to try another stimulant again but dr being weird about meds right now, and of course for the 3...(more) 10-13-2017 7:14pm
        rd year in a row he's' getting further and further behind
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        • What do you mean that the doc is being weird about meds? If your ds needs meds to complete his work, he should have them. 10-14-2017 3:02pm
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          • >not sure how old your ds is but if middle school or younger, what about a homework helper for a couple of hours each Saturday and Sunday so it takes you out of the battle? 10-14-2017 3:03pm
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    • mine is in 9th ....I let him do whatever he wants til about 7 pm...then from 7-10 he alternates between HW and fucking around...usualy finishes HW by 10:30 10-13-2017 7:09pm
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    • booster for HW 10-13-2017 7:10pm
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  24. Special Needs Anyone take dc off ability? was given after a period of time where he was really losing it and having rages where he would throw furniture around...but was in a situation in life...(more) 10-13-2017 6:50pm (14 replies)
    where he was so upset every day and having a really hard time and that is not the same anymore...it was supposed to be a short term fix but now dr not suggesting or agreeing to take him off of it...it's only 5mg..since about february.
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    • Is that a stimulant? 10-13-2017 6:52pm
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    • - no subject -...(more) 10-13-2017 6:52pm
      Age?
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    • My 17 yo ds has been on for about 5 years. We've tried to lower the dose and wean him off but he feels the effects immediate 10-13-2017 7:07pm
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      • ^immediately and the change in mood 10-13-2017 7:07pm
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        • op-and I don't see a huge change in him on it really...he definitely doesn't get to full on rage episodes at all anymore but he's still the same as before...he just stops before...(more) 10-13-2017 7:10pm
          he would normally have gone way over the top, but is acting worse in other ways too
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      • what does he take it for? this was kind of a last resort after quite a while of him having these major freak outs...he has no self regulation skills but even worse is me and my...(more) 10-13-2017 7:09pm
        lack of staying calm. I mean he has issues for sure but I think in other situations he's ok. He only does it in front/alone with me or exdh.
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        • He started on it for rages. He's been on every med imaginable but Abilify and Wellbutrin with Adderall have been working for about 3 years 10-13-2017 7:12pm
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          • ^anxiety, depression, OCD, ADD 10-13-2017 7:12pm
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          • same with my ds. wellbutrin working for me now actually too! He needs something for the inattentive side so badly too and most stimulants made him aggressive or sad or feel awful 10-13-2017 7:13pm
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    • My DD was on it for 4 years for self-regulation - rages, outbursts, etc. She called it her "ability" medicine, she said it gave her brain a moment to think before acting and it...(more) 10-15-2017 2:41pm
      helped a lot (didn't make everything perfect but better). We then asked for her to be weaned off it and she was. I regret it. She was better on it, and after a while was able to tolerate stimulant with the abilify and her grades went up.
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      • ^why do you want your DS off of it? It seems to be calming the rages. It does not make everything perfect. What are the other ways he is acting worse? They may not be things the...(more) 10-15-2017 2:47pm
        abilify can control, or if he has grown much since starting it he may need his dose raised a bit, but not necessary if it is controlling anger, rages. Weaning him off, if he rages again, and then putting him back on it is harder than leaving him on it if it is not causing bad side effects (my DD didn't have any).
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        • ^sorry this is so long, but my DD and some of her friends all went off all meds in high school on their own, so if your DS is compliant about taking them now I would follow the...(more) 10-15-2017 2:48pm
          doctor and see what can be done about the other issues, whether meds or therapy.
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  25. Special Needs So psych doesn't want to add or change ds meds (ability 5mg) because he's not refusing to go to school and he's doing pretty well socially. yet he's moodier than ever, totally...(more) 10-13-2017 6:08pm (2 replies)
    defiant, refuses to do any homework or reading or chores, is more forgetful and anxious than ever...at school (new school, SN class high school) he is getting maybe 10% work done if that, he doesn't listen or watch the teacher, he is completely spaced out, he is 99% unprepared for everything and needs constant reminders just to even have a pencil or pen, he never has his binders or books, he gets up constantly...mid term reports this week and he's failing or almost failing every academic subject. He has had very negative reactions with adhd meds in the past but instant release ritalin was ok and dexedrine was ok...but the let down was always awful...if we gave a booster in afternoon he would never sleep...but all those med trials were from 4th-6th grade and he was tiny then...dr said "well at least now he's actually going to school and he's making friends, he will retain a little bit of information from school" !!??!!! like I'm not expecting A'
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    • the low dose fast acting booster is good. 5mg ritalin 10-13-2017 6:17pm
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      • yes I think he took 5mg in am and then after lunch...then half that or less should be for the boost so that the let down isn't so awful. I mean seriously! he can't feel good about...(more) 10-13-2017 6:20pm
        flailing all day every day! getting F's and D's and everyone on his case...and he's in a SN class, I met with teacher again yesterday and he was nice but he also says well I don't want to punish him for something he can't control but at the same time I can't let it slide always, there has to be a consequence, he can't pass and keep moving ahead if he's doing nothing.
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