I don't understand how someone my bf just up and left me after 5 years. Things were fine. He was stressed with work and wanted to get out of the city. We had plans to leave and he... (more)
Just up and left the city without me. I am so confused and crushed. Was it all fake? I thought we were OK. Little spats here and there. I don't get it.
posted June 26th, 2022 at 12:54pm in Toddler
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- Told you this morning: put his shit outside. change locks. 6-26-2022 12:55pm
- I know. Be nice. It just happened. It's a shock. I already did all that but am processing. 6-26-2022 12:55pm
- I'm sorry, but unfortunately it shows he's not adult enough to have a respectful relationship 6-26-2022 12:55pm
- oh, I am very sorry 6-26-2022 12:56pm
- there WERE signs. I'm not flaming, but there always are 6-26-2022 12:56pm +1 like
- wow, i'm so sorry. that's awful. 6-26-2022 12:56pm
- Wait, left for like a hike on Bear Mountain or moved away? 6-26-2022 12:56pm
- Moved. Took his valuables in a bag and quit his job and left. Just like that. 6-26-2022 12:57pm
- np he has some deep issues that don't have to do with you. 6-26-2022 12:57pm +3 likes
- WTF. I'm so sorry! Did he tell you he was going to do it, leave a note? I don't understand this either. Did you live together? 6-26-2022 12:58pm
- We lived together for 5 years. Always hated his job and NY. I guess I put pressure on him because he didn't want to work. He was kind of a loser but I did so much for him and he...(more) 6-26-2022 1:00pm kept promising to move me out of the city but did it without me. No note no notice. Nothing won't talk to me. Came home to him and his stuff gone.
- Honestly, I think you’re better off without him. You deserve better, much better. 6-26-2022 1:04pm
- I know but I feel so used and unloved. And feel so stupid. And guilty and regretful for pressuring him maybe he would have stayed. 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- np that's what you should work on 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- No, don’t regret that, this really is for the best. You can start over when you’re ready and find someone who is truly worthy of you. 6-26-2022 1:07pm
- At 50? 6-26-2022 1:07pm
- Yes! I found the love of my life at 45. 6-26-2022 1:09pm
- How??? 6-26-2022 1:10pm
- np stop looking for someone to fill a void, you need to work on yourself 6-26-2022 1:11pm
- Pp: I’m not OP 6-26-2022 1:12pm
- Some people are happier in a relationship. It’s not wrong to want that. She just needs to understand how to choose a healthy one. Therapy might help. 6-26-2022 1:12pm
- no, but you have to be in a solid place yourself so you aren't picking men who you need to fix up and hope they're grateful to you for doing that. so unhealthy 6-26-2022 1:13pm
- Of course. Again, therapy could help her get there. 6-26-2022 1:14pm
- yes, not looking to replace him 6-26-2022 1:15pm
- Of course. Again, therapy could help her get there. 6-26-2022 1:14pm
- no, but you have to be in a solid place yourself so you aren't picking men who you need to fix up and hope they're grateful to you for doing that. so unhealthy 6-26-2022 1:13pm
- He was an old friend. I had been divorced for 5 years. He was very recently divorced. We reconnected and fell in love. 6-26-2022 1:11pm +1 like
- np stop looking for someone to fill a void, you need to work on yourself 6-26-2022 1:11pm
- How??? 6-26-2022 1:10pm
- Yes! I found the love of my life at 45. 6-26-2022 1:09pm
- np a lot of you don't realize that you yourself play a role in why these relationships go down like this. she needs to fix herself first 6-26-2022 1:08pm
- ITA that she needs to learn from this experience. 6-26-2022 1:10pm +1 like
- At 50? 6-26-2022 1:07pm
- These feelings are all so understandable! 6-26-2022 1:07pm
- You wanted what you wanted. Clearly he wanted something different 6-26-2022 1:13pm
- I know but I feel so used and unloved. And feel so stupid. And guilty and regretful for pressuring him maybe he would have stayed. 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- Wow you dodged a bullet 6-26-2022 1:04pm
- np there's your answer. you are a fixer. he was a project that you thought you could fix, but all the while you knew he was a loser. NOT flaming you, this is a common pattern in...(more) 6-26-2022 1:05pm +2 likes
- Why in the world would you mourn a loser like this?? 6-26-2022 1:05pm
- It’s human nature! She cares about him. She’s allowed to. 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- yes but she needs to stop focusing on why HE did what he did and focus on why SHE did what SHE DID 6-26-2022 1:07pm
- It’s human nature! She cares about him. She’s allowed to. 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- You could have ended up needing to pay alimony like me and some other female fixers on this board. 6-26-2022 1:07pm +1 like
- Honestly, I think you’re better off without him. You deserve better, much better. 6-26-2022 1:04pm
- We lived together for 5 years. Always hated his job and NY. I guess I put pressure on him because he didn't want to work. He was kind of a loser but I did so much for him and he...(more) 6-26-2022 1:00pm
- Did he leave a note? Tell you why he was leaving? 6-26-2022 12:58pm
- No. The last thing g he said was he didn't feel good because I out too much heat on him. 6-26-2022 1:01pm
- He wanted an easy life with me supporting him. He got his dad to help him and he left. 6-26-2022 1:02pm
- I guess he just used me until he found someone else to support him. I feel awful. 6-26-2022 1:03pm
- One argument made him decide it was enough and he left. He didn't like responsibilty. 6-26-2022 1:05pm
- This will pass. Unexpected breakups are devastating.I know how you feel. It gets better. 6-26-2022 1:05pm +1 like
- np you need to take some of the responsibility here. you were trying to make him dependent on you and be grateful to you for fixing him. that's on you 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- I do. Trust me. I know I had low self esteem and settled. Never again. I just so stunned it was so abrupt and callous 6-26-2022 1:13pm
- Sounds like the real him wasn’t that nice a person. Hope your next guy has the common decency so rare these days 6-26-2022 1:14pm
- well, men with low self esteem also can't give you what you need 6-26-2022 1:14pm
- I do. Trust me. I know I had low self esteem and settled. Never again. I just so stunned it was so abrupt and callous 6-26-2022 1:13pm
- I guess he just used me until he found someone else to support him. I feel awful. 6-26-2022 1:03pm
- He wanted an easy life with me supporting him. He got his dad to help him and he left. 6-26-2022 1:02pm
- No. The last thing g he said was he didn't feel good because I out too much heat on him. 6-26-2022 1:01pm
- Moved. Took his valuables in a bag and quit his job and left. Just like that. 6-26-2022 12:57pm
- I’m so sorry. 6-26-2022 12:58pm
- That sucks. I was just thinking how unpredictable dh is. He lives in his own head and doesn’t talk about stuff and will randomly be mad at me 6-26-2022 1:01pm
- I am very sorry 6-26-2022 1:02pm
- Was he a loner? Did he have friends or family 6-26-2022 1:03pm
- Just family. His dad has been helping him and I think he took that opportunity to leave. He could have taken me with him. 6-26-2022 1:04pm -1 dislike
- he didn't want to be with you. that's the part you have to accept. np 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- Op: I guess not and it hurts. 6-26-2022 1:08pm
- yes, but you need to focus on why you thought you deserved so little in a man in the first place, and that's bc you yourself have low self esteem 6-26-2022 1:09pm
- Yes. You're right. Hinesy I was feeling like I could do better and was frustrated with him and he knew it. 6-26-2022 1:11pm
- yes, but you need to do some work on yourself to get to the place where you don't keep repeating this pattern 6-26-2022 1:12pm
- Yes. You're right. Hinesy I was feeling like I could do better and was frustrated with him and he knew it. 6-26-2022 1:11pm
- yes, but you need to focus on why you thought you deserved so little in a man in the first place, and that's bc you yourself have low self esteem 6-26-2022 1:09pm
- Op: I guess not and it hurts. 6-26-2022 1:08pm
- he didn't want to be with you. that's the part you have to accept. np 6-26-2022 1:06pm
- Just family. His dad has been helping him and I think he took that opportunity to leave. He could have taken me with him. 6-26-2022 1:04pm -1 dislike
- There seems to suggest you missed or ignored something significant 6-26-2022 1:12pm
- Op: He used me period. I noticed but he was so good at playing a loving boyfriend that I ignored the signs. 6-26-2022 1:14pm -1 dislike
- you let him use you. you HAVE to take some accountability here. this wasn't ALL on him np 6-26-2022 1:15pm
- I know. Still sucks. 6-26-2022 1:19pm
- you let him use you. you HAVE to take some accountability here. this wasn't ALL on him np 6-26-2022 1:15pm
- Op: He used me period. I noticed but he was so good at playing a loving boyfriend that I ignored the signs. 6-26-2022 1:14pm -1 dislike
- Dear friend, go put on a beautiful sundress and sit outside and toast yourself and your new beginning! Onward! 6-26-2022 1:39pm +1 like