Search Results for "redshirt | redshirting"

  1. Toddler What is the start of this slippery slope of seeking unfair advantage for your kids? Is it when you redshirt them so they are a full year older than the rest of the kindergarten...(more) 3-12-2019 9:11pm (29 replies)
    Class?
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    • extended time 3-12-2019 9:12pm
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      • This post has been deleted. 3-12-2019 9:15pm
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    • It is when you BREAK THE LAW 3-12-2019 9:13pm
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      • Do you not understand the slippery slope concept? 3-12-2019 9:14pm
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        • Yes. I am a lawyer. It doesn’t apply here talking about redshirting. If you do something dishonest of illegal that is a line. Your personal moral code shouldn’t allow this to be...(more) 3-12-2019 9:16pm
          blurryZ
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        • faking a LD is no slippery slope. They lied and bribed. Different than making a contribution in hopes of return, though that's immoral as well, just not illegal. 3-12-2019 9:17pm
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          • Faking an LD is wrong. Bribery is wrong. Redshirting your kid isn’t wrong. 3-12-2019 9:18pm
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      • SLIPPERY SLOPE 3-12-2019 9:16pm
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        • Redshirting isn’t illegal or dishonest. That term doesn’t apply here. At all. 3-12-2019 9:17pm
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          • She's not talking about a slippery slope of dishonesty. She's talking about giving your kid an edge. 3-12-2019 9:19pm
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          • Redshirting is about advantage for many parents 3-12-2019 9:19pm
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          • Op: redshirting is seeking an unfair advantage. It’s not illegal, but it IS unfair. 3-12-2019 9:19pm
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    • Maybe it’s when they start travel sports in 2nd grade making sports such a. Huge time commitment and expense that only the rich can truly compete. 3-12-2019 9:14pm
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    • I don't think redshirting and what those people did to get their kids into college are exactly in the same category. 3-12-2019 9:14pm
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      • It’s not the same level. But there has to be a first step towards this view that your child should get all of the advantages money can buy. 3-12-2019 9:16pm
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        • Cheating on a test is something different. You don't see that? 3-12-2019 9:18pm
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          • np: everyone sees the line that was crossed. OP is talking about the 1st step taken 3-12-2019 9:20pm
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        • yeah that's probably the mindset that starts it off. 3-12-2019 9:19pm
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    • Yes they all start there 3-12-2019 9:18pm
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    • or when you move to the white..I mean right neighborhood to get your kids in a "good school". 3-12-2019 9:18pm
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      • Goood point! 3-12-2019 9:21pm
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      • sorry but a doctor who signs off on a ld means it is not legally fake and I agree the process is currently abused 3-12-2019 9:22pm
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    • Good point 3-12-2019 9:20pm
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    • I'd say it's more like helping kids do their homework so that they never get anything wrong? 3-12-2019 9:20pm
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      • Yes, and don’t forget the science fair projects! 3-12-2019 9:22pm
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    • We kept our dd back in 2011, bc her preK said she couldn’t go to K without speech therapy 3-12-2019 9:27pm
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    • red shirt is different. 3-12-2019 9:28pm
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  2. Toddler Do you know anyone who has regretted Redshirting their dc? 3-11-2019 9:50pm (31 replies)
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    • No. 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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    • No. I know people who wish they had redshirted 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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      • this is us. I SO wish we had redshirted dd 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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        • why? 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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          • because dd is very young for her age and she has mild dyslexia and would have done so much better if she could have had an additional year to get some of these reading/language...(more) 3-11-2019 9:54pm
            issues a bit stronger. She would have felt like a more confident student.
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        • She won’t be 5 forever. They grow and mature 3-11-2019 9:54pm
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          • dd is 10- She would be far more confident if she was a 4th grrader 3-11-2019 9:55pm
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          • I wish I did this for ds. Adhd and anxiety and he’s a junior in college. 3-11-2019 9:56pm
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        • np me too. she is in 8th grade now 3-11-2019 10:46pm
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    • All the Star Fleet parents for sure. 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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      • well, duh. Those guys are always the first to bite the dust! 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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    • I know one person who wishes she HAD redshirted, but no one who has regretted doing it 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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    • It's not allowed here 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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    • This post has been disliked 3 times. showThey’re the people who will tell you their 4th grader is so bored and the asshole teacher won’t bend over backwards to provide enrichment 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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      • I don't know anyone like this 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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        • It’s your 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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      • What are you talking about? 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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        • you too 3-11-2019 9:54pm
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          • you sleepy old nonsensical toad 3-11-2019 9:57pm
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    • I don’t regret it at all. Dd is a college freshman now. 3-11-2019 9:55pm
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      • did she go to college at 19? was it ok for her to be older than her friends? 3-11-2019 9:56pm
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        • Np Better to go at 19 than 17 3-11-2019 9:57pm
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        • She went at 18. Turned 19 one month in. She really wasn’t that much older than her friends. 3-11-2019 9:57pm
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        • Np. You realize that so many kids go to college at 19. Ethernet gap years and redshirting and different cutoffs in different states it’s not a big deal 3-11-2019 9:58pm
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        • Do you think other kids really pay attention to tbis or care? They don’t. 3-11-2019 10:03pm
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        • I bet 1/4 of her friends are older than she is. Np 3-11-2019 10:06pm
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    • Yes,one it was a set of twins and the stronger one was angry for a long time. The other one was really too old, summer bday in a place with a 12/31 cutoff, the age difference was...(more) 3-11-2019 10:01pm
      too much
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      • So they held both back, for one twin, and the higher functioning twin did not like it? 3-11-2019 10:02pm
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      • Angry? In kindergarten? Kids don’t even realize this. 3-11-2019 10:08pm
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    • Yes. He was not an early reader but when he caught up he caught up fast and should have been with his age group. 3-11-2019 10:46pm
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  3. Toddler What do you, personally, think about redshirting kids with summer birthdays (cut off here is August 1. So holding a June birthday back to start K at 6. 3-11-2019 9:39pm (83 replies)
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    • I’m all for it 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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    • it's been done for so long that i just don't have any feelings about it at all. some parents hold kids back for various reasons. 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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    • I dont support it unless the child has challenges 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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    • I don't fucking care, but dont lie about why you do it. 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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      • People don’t lie. 3-11-2019 9:42pm
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        • Sure they do, they say late birthday, but it's about giving them an edge. 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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          • Everyone wants their dc to be an outlier ! 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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          • It really isn’t but whatever. 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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            • I'm ok with her saying that. i didn't do it so he'd be taller, smarter, and better at sports. i did it so he'd feel normal! 3-11-2019 9:46pm
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          • but does it really give them an edge? I've heard the younger kids get "pushed" more and develop more grit in the long run 3-11-2019 9:45pm
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            • that doesn't even make sense 3-11-2019 9:46pm
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              • someone recently told me this. that redshirting gives the older kids an "edge' in the beginning, but in the long run, the younger students tend to do better 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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                • again, NO sense. you're usually talking about a 6-8 month age difference! 3-11-2019 9:48pm
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                  • that's the difference people redshirt for too, so must make some difference 3-11-2019 9:48pm
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            • yes, teachers use their birthdates and push the younger ones LOLOL 3-11-2019 9:46pm
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              • NO, by being younger, they are pushed along by the older kids. they have rise to the occasion 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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              • This post has been deleted. 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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                • i can't even catch what you write, you delete so fast 3-11-2019 9:48pm
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                  • calm down, i reposeted in the right spot 3-11-2019 9:49pm
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          • OH FFS OF COURSE THAT'S WHY MOST DO IT! it's why I DID IT! but not to have an EDGE over your child. i 3-11-2019 9:45pm
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          • i don't know. when my sept. b'day son was in prek, the teacher said, you could hold him back, most parents do with boys, but he's ready. so off to school he went. he was more than...(more) 3-11-2019 9:46pm
            ready.
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            • I know many people who said that and actually their kid wasn’t ready. I am sure yours was but it is partially a guess. 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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              • i'm agreeing with that. he was/is my third kid. he was ready. but he was among the youngest of boys, because it was typical to hold them back. i have absoltuely no issue. it's...(more) 3-11-2019 9:48pm
                what parents did here at that time, and i assume are still doing.
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                • ^^ ie, i don't think parents do it to give their kids an edge, they do it because they don't feel their kids, almost always boys, are ready. we all know boys mature slower than...(more) 3-11-2019 9:49pm
                  girls.
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          • Course it is. Unless your child is special needs, I think it’s kind of pathetic. 3-11-2019 10:00pm
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            • NP-how is it possible, that you have children and you are an adult and you cannot possible see why people may do this? oh, and calling them pathetic is pretty awful 3-11-2019 10:01pm
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              • I see that people are vain. 3-11-2019 10:03pm
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                • This doesn't even make sense! you are just throwing odd words together, hoping something will be coherent 3-11-2019 10:04pm
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                  • Parents hold their kids back so that they will appear much smarter against kids 10-12 months younger than their redshirted children. It is so endemic in my elementary school as to...(more) 3-11-2019 10:06pm
                    be offensive to me and I view it as cheating.
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                    • LOL you're such a small-minded sad sack. You're not even a good troll, you sound uneducated, uninformed and probably a person who blames the world for all her problems. 3-11-2019 10:08pm
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                      • Nope. Just a Euro transplant who can’t understand why children can’t just be in their correct Year at school. 3-11-2019 10:10pm
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                        • Even worse! Dumb Euro trash who can't fit in where she lives now. GO BACK TO EUROPE, MORON 3-11-2019 10:12pm
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                        • omg why are you even commenting? you have no place, keep your sad little opinions to yourself, NO one wants to hear them 3-11-2019 10:14pm
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                    • it's so funny that you think this is really true. you sound like an old person who thinks holding a newborn baby will spoil them 3-11-2019 10:09pm
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      • The. You do fucking care. 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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        • I don't care if you're honest about why you red shit. 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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          • THSt isn’t why I did it. I don’t tell anyone why. It isn’t their business. 3-11-2019 9:45pm
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            • Super. As I said, I dont care about redshirting. I care about dishonest people. 3-11-2019 9:46pm
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              • you judge regardless of the reason so... 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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              • Maybe people are being honest and you just don’t belive tberm? Because you somehow think their decision about their child is about a threat to your child academically. Which is....(more) 3-11-2019 9:48pm
                crazyz
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                • she's going to judge regardless of reason 3-11-2019 9:49pm
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                  • She is a miserable person. 3-11-2019 9:50pm
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                    • i have no doubt she has beaten me to a pulp on this subject, over the years 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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                      • Notice how 10 years ago ybm was very anti red shirting and now they don’t care 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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                        • oh, they still are. i held mine back almost 10 years ago and the GRIEF! omg the GRIEF i got was horrifying! 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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                          • Oh same. My dd was redshirted by the school! They wouldn’t take her. Then I redshirted my son and he is still the shortest in the class and still can’t read in 1st because turns...(more) 3-11-2019 9:55pm
                            oh he is dyslexic. If I hadn’t redshirted him he would probably be held back a year. And I didn’t redshirt him because he is small either.
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                      • You are truly insane. I might have pummeled you over that. 3-11-2019 9:54pm
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                        • Excuse me? Try making sense next time 3-11-2019 10:00pm
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                • Im speaking hypothetically. I really dont care about red shirting. Make your own mind up about your child, it's not of my business. It doesnt affect me or my family. 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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    • Every kid is different. Do what’s best for that kid. 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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    • Don’t care about it 3-11-2019 9:40pm
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    • Do what is best for your kid. That is your job. Redshirting is really common where I live and no one gets worked up about it. 3-11-2019 9:41pm
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    • If it's right for your kid, do it. I did it and i'd do it again 10000x. he's end of July with 9/1 cutoff, so he's not much older than many of his friends with fall bdays 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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    • I find it odd that there is a boy in dss class that is 11 mo older than him but they’ll all catch up eventually 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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      • my son's best friend thoughout ms/hs was a year older than he, same grade. it's just what happens now. 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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        • ^^ and has been happening for years. 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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      • I do t see why that isn’t odd or what the rest of your sentence means. 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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        • it's judgmental and she's not smart 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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      • but that could happen even without this 3-11-2019 9:44pm
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      • That’s a normal spread in any classroom. How is that odd 3-11-2019 9:46pm
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      • I find it ODD that you are pretending to be ok with this but you're a secret rager at those who do 3-11-2019 9:48pm
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    • I know someone who redshirted an April birthday. it's fine 3-11-2019 9:43pm
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    • I didn’t feel the need to do that. 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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    • I sent my late December birthday boy on to kindergarten at 4, following the cut-off. That wasn’t unusual where we were. Then we moved to a place where everyone holds back. It’s...(more) 3-11-2019 9:47pm
      weird that kids in his grade are 15-16 months older than him.
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      • how is he doing now? 3-11-2019 9:49pm
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        • Sorry had to step away. He’s ok , luckily he’s really tall and very socially smart. Academics are ok. If he were a 17 year old junior not just turned 16, he might have a higher...(more) 3-11-2019 10:13pm
          GPA :-) but it’s ok.
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    • prep school kids are held 2 years 3-11-2019 9:47pm
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      • now ay 3-11-2019 9:49pm
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      • Really? 3-11-2019 9:49pm
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        • yes. repeating 9th grade as they enter high school 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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          • ^^ so entering college as 19 year olds 3-11-2019 9:51pm
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          • why? 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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            • sports and maturity. the bar gets pushed higher. its the same as K. if everyone is holding, you want to too 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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          • Yep. I went to boarding school. More than half the boys in my grade did this. Less common for girls 3-11-2019 9:52pm
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            • what is the reason though? especially in 9th grade? 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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              • what happened then is a lot of them stayed at day schools through 9th grade and applied for 10th and school maybe didn’t think they were ready so had them repeat 9th. I know it’s...(more) 3-11-2019 9:55pm
                still common today
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            • they did this years ago?? 3-11-2019 9:53pm
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              • Yes. I graduated in 85. Still done today 3-11-2019 9:55pm
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      • Privates in my city redshirt routinely May birthdays at least. Kindergarten has changed and age for K hasn’t. 3-11-2019 9:50pm
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    • I, personally, think we need to go back to kindergarten being kindergarten so we can send kids at age 5. 3-11-2019 10:08pm
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    • Holding a child back pre-emptively without giving them a chance to succeed is lame. And all those overage kids are feeding the “kindergarten is the new first grade “ creep. 3-12-2019 8:06pm
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  4. Toddler DS is young for his grade and there are SO MANY kids a full year older than he is in his grade due to redshirting...and of course of the 'troublemakers' in the grade about 85% of...(more) 2-4-2019 9:58pm (32 replies)
    them are these redshirted kids...I really think it's because they are 'too old' for the grade that they have a sassy attitude and confidence beyond the kids who are supposed to be in the grade....I really wish they didn't allow it.
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    • What is the cutoff to be considered redshirted? 2-4-2019 9:59pm
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      • in our district it's 12/31...so I guess that is part of it...people don't want to send their kids to K at 4 ...so everyone from Sept onward holds back...but the kindergarten is...(more) 2-4-2019 10:00pm
        designed for the 1/2-12/31 age span...unilike for example the NYC privates where K is designed for 6 yr olds (and the privates all boast how well everyone reads in their K classes)
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        • What grade is he in? Could some of the kids have started school in other places and moved there? Where I am, the cutoff is 9/1. All of my kids have Nov/Dec bdays, so they all...(more) 2-4-2019 10:02pm
          started K when they were almost 6.
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          • Ditto 2-4-2019 10:03pm
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          • Same here. 2-4-2019 10:04pm
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          • yes this is the case for a FEW but the majority have been here since K...and you know, I realize that we would have other kids who say, are in the grade below because THEY were...(more) 2-4-2019 10:06pm
            held back but perhaps if those kids were the YOUNGEST in the grade, they would be more inclined to no be so obnoxious - sometimes a little intimidation by older kids can be a good thing and teach you to behave
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    • I agree and it’s creeping earlier and earlier 2-4-2019 9:59pm
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    • This was our experience & we’re going to redshirt ds for middle school. The maturity difference are even more significant at this age. 2-4-2019 10:00pm
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      • My ds missed cutoff by one day so is almost a full year ahead of some kids in his class..just the way it happens sometimes. Even if you don’t deliberately redshirt I mean 2-4-2019 10:04pm
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      • So you’re going to hold back your 6th grader? 2-4-2019 10:04pm
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        • He’ll repeat at another school where 80% of the boys are redshirted (private) 2-4-2019 10:06pm
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          • I think that’s crazy, but that’s just me. 2-4-2019 10:07pm
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      • I SO wish we could...DS is in 10th grade now and he would not have wanted to switch schools...but it's little things that constantly bother me...today he told me he wanted to ask...(more) 2-4-2019 10:04pm
        his science teacher a question but 3 kids (ALL WHO SHOULD BE IN 11th GRADE) were being assholes and the teacher exploded at the whole class and was really mad, so class ended and DS was afraid to go ask his question because the teacher was so mad. It's constantly shit like this - and when people say 'it evens out and they catch up"...they really don't...I can't see it happening til he is 22 or 23.
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        • That teacher needs to get it under control and not punish the whole class because of a couple of jerks. 2-4-2019 10:05pm
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          • my ds has been with these kids since K...they are a horrible bunch...and MOST should be in the grade above...back in elementary school, they brought one teacher to tears...she...(more) 2-4-2019 10:07pm
            told a friend of mine that those boys were the worst kids she's ever had to teach in her entire career
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            • But they could be bad kids and that has nothing to do with being redshirted. 2-4-2019 10:08pm
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            • That's a parenting problem, not that they were redshirted. 2-4-2019 10:09pm
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        • Sounds like your dis might be less assertive than the others, nothing to do with age. 2-4-2019 10:06pm
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        • That is bs in that grade. Horrible teacher is the issue here 2-4-2019 10:07pm
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          • I've met him and my older DS had him...it's the kids in this case...just a horrible cohort ...I actually think the school needs to do a better job of making sure they aren't in...(more) 2-4-2019 10:09pm
            the same classes
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    • I see that too. ds's two closest friends are both redshirted. one is more than a year older than him. both are going to turn 9 in 2nd grade. oof. 2-4-2019 10:02pm
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      • What?? That is nuts. My 9 yo is in 4th grade! 2-4-2019 10:09pm
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    • My ds was redshirted and not a troublemaker. 2-4-2019 10:06pm
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    • i curious how you know all their birthdays? 2-4-2019 10:08pm
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      • been with them since K...birthday parties...and then bar mitzvahs in middle school...everyone knows who is redshirted 2-4-2019 10:10pm
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    • Yes! My son is 12/27. We moved to Westchester where everyone holds back their fall-December kids. He’s a junior, and loads of kids turned 17 before he turned 16. He’s doing ok but...(more) 2-4-2019 10:08pm
      The teachers expectations are skewed by the average age which is much older than his age.
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      • ?? At that age it should not matter 2-4-2019 10:09pm
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        • Being up to 15-16 months younger? It matters. 2-4-2019 10:11pm
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        • OP: it absolutely does...I posted above...they NEVER 'catch up'....in middle school these kids are shaving and develop deep voices, then have their drivers license in 10th...(more) 2-4-2019 10:12pm
          grade...the kids who are 18 mos younger just always feel a step behind
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          • and there is a HUGE difference in savvy/maturity between a kid who is 15 1/2 and 17. 2-4-2019 10:13pm
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    • That could be true in some cases, but I assure you it’s not the case for my extremely immature (physically and mentally) ds. I cannot even imagine him being a year ahead of where...(more) 2-4-2019 10:12pm
      He is now.
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  5. Toddler Redshirting moms, we were right all along....(more) 11-30-2018 2:04pm (63 replies)
    • I didn’t redshirt but my dd repeater K. Best decision ever. 11-30-2018 2:04pm
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    • I aimed to have all three dcs in the spring and I got lucky. 11-30-2018 2:05pm
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    • No shit Sherlock. 11-30-2018 2:05pm
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    • Perfect storm. NYC DOE discourages summer boys doing an extra year of K to save money. 11-30-2018 2:06pm
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      • Regents diploma for all movement. 11-30-2018 2:07pm
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        • Teachers get frustrated under the pressure of it all and push for meds. 11-30-2018 2:07pm
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          • ADHD diagnosis goes up. Pharma happy. DOE happy to save money. 11-30-2018 2:08pm
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            • a million traumatized families affected when all that was required was an extra year in preK or K. 11-30-2018 2:09pm
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              • Also the move to create mega schools. Merge smaller community schools into one giant district. 11-30-2018 2:12pm
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                • Even in the burbs this became a problem. All to cut DOE budgets. 11-30-2018 2:13pm
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                  • If our suburban district spent any more money on the schools they would have to gild the front door 11-30-2018 2:17pm
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                    • The wealthy burbs obviously bucked this trend. They have high tax base and resisted the mega school trends. 11-30-2018 2:18pm
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                      • Any burb where housing starts at 1 million. 11-30-2018 2:18pm
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                        • In the 80s it was like this for the middle class too. Not just those that could afford a 1 million dollar starter house. 11-30-2018 2:19pm
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            • This is such a stupid comment. First, who is paying for an extra year of school? There will be a further achievement gap when the UMC boys repeat or get to delay K, vs their...(more) 11-30-2018 2:12pm
              peers who dont have this luxury
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              • Before the movement to cut school budgets it was common for burbs and exburbs residents to advocate for small community schools for elementary and middle school. 11-30-2018 2:14pm
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                • I wasnt responding to the mega district comment 11-30-2018 2:14pm
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                • In these small community schools it was more common to give an extra K year (called pre 1st) to kids who needed the extra year to mature/grow. 11-30-2018 2:15pm
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          • Teachers shouldn't be making diagnosis or recommending meds 11-30-2018 2:19pm
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      • This is not a problem that can be solved with a pat soundbite 11-30-2018 2:10pm
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    • June birthday and waited until 6. Teacher says "older and smarter". Thank God I didn't listen to the naysayers. 11-30-2018 2:07pm
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      • Teachers were put under tremendous political pressure to not advocate for repeating preK/K 11-30-2018 2:10pm
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        • which teachers are you talking about 11-30-2018 2:11pm
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          • Preschool directors/teachers and public schools. 11-30-2018 2:11pm
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            • in ny? 11-30-2018 2:12pm
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              • Yes, the preschool directors have relationships politically with the school districts. Unless you are going to private for K they are under pressure to not advocate for...(more) 11-30-2018 2:17pm
                "redshirting"
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      • So your first grader is smarter than a kindergartener? 11-30-2018 2:11pm
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    • So you can't see how redshirting could have created this situation? 11-30-2018 2:11pm
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      • Or, starting a 4 year old in school? 11-30-2018 2:12pm
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        • No, starting a 6 yo 11-30-2018 2:15pm
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          • I understand the concept of redshirting. My point is 4 year olds dont belong in full day kindergarten 11-30-2018 2:16pm
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            • In districts with Sept. 1 as a cutoff, they really aren't. And in this study that was the date. 11-30-2018 2:17pm
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            • hardly any other states allow this. only ny with its wacky cutoff. 11-30-2018 2:30pm
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      • No. The academic requirements for K has changed but the kids have not. Ask any K teacher that has been in it for a while. 11-30-2018 2:20pm
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        • And that all aligns with Regents diploma for all movement. 11-30-2018 2:21pm
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          • Which is not a bad thing to aim for but it requires an investment of money to the DOE not cutting DOW budgets. Bandaiding the tension with Adderal and/or dumping healthy kids in...(more) 11-30-2018 2:22pm
            Special Education to relieve the pressure was not a great "solution"
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            • DOW ends up paying more for special education anyway (OT/PT/Speech/Smaller classroom/Teacher Aids) 11-30-2018 2:23pm
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              • And you have needlessly traumatized families and put kids on inappropriate school settings when all they needed was an extra year to mature in K. 11-30-2018 2:24pm
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                • OR they are perfectly mature and the teacher needs to take a look at what is appropriate for that age 11-30-2018 2:27pm
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                  • That too. They get burnt out and quit so we have an endless supply of new clueless teachers. 11-30-2018 2:28pm
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                    • I haven't seen that to be the case so much 11-30-2018 2:30pm
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                      • Where do you live? NYC pubilc or high income tristate burb? It matters 11-30-2018 2:34pm
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                        • Chicago public 11-30-2018 2:35pm
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              • Most kids with ADHD don't qualify for special ed. What we need to do is move away from basing the ADHD diagnosis on administration of the Vanderbilt 11-30-2018 2:26pm
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                • ADHD kids do qualify for special education. The teachers will push for a 1st grader to take stimulants though because they are under political pressure to do so. 11-30-2018 2:28pm
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                  • No they don't. Not unless they have an additional learning issue. I have a kid with ADHD. And teachers shouldn't be pushing for anything 11-30-2018 2:29pm
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                    • They complain about behavior. 11-30-2018 2:29pm
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                      • Until you put the 5yo on stimulants. 11-30-2018 2:30pm
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                        • Was your child forced on to stimulants? 11-30-2018 2:30pm
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                          • I lived all of it. 11-30-2018 2:31pm
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                            • We had a K teacher who advocated for my DC and promptly got a dressing down from admin. 11-30-2018 2:32pm
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                              • The teachers learn quick. My kid was the last one this teacher ever advocated for. 11-30-2018 2:33pm
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                            • Well, I did not have that experience and don't really know people who have. In fact, my child's teacher was reluctant to state she thought my child had an attention issue and...(more) 11-30-2018 2:34pm
                              waited for me to bring it up
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                        • Cheap solution for all. They are discouraged from advocating for children. 11-30-2018 2:31pm
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                          • How do you advocate for a child whose only issue is being younger and less mature than peers? 11-30-2018 2:37pm
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        • But it's the difference in maturity between the younger and older kids that creates concern. 11-30-2018 2:21pm
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    • Someone will always be the youngest. This article is about Sept. 1 cutoff, so all those kids are 5 when they start. 11-30-2018 2:30pm
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    • This is a matter of properly training teachers and avoiding purely subjective diagnostic matrices, not validation of redshirting. 12-1-2018 1:47pm
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    • It's a matter of rush-to-judgment subjectivity based diagnosis plus common core standards not aligned with appropriate for age developmental expectations. That doesn't mean...(more) 12-1-2018 1:48pm
      everyone should pre-emptively hold their kids back, it means we should fix those things.
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    • Mom to Christmas bday boy in a Dec. 31 cutoff location. Started on time, no regrets. He's still 12, just finished applying for high school as an honors student. If anything,...(more) 12-1-2018 1:50pm
      his LD was noticed and addressed sooner because we started school in his assigned year rather than holding him back.
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    • THE SOLUTION IS NOT TO HOLD YOUR KID BACK AND CREATE A PROBLEM FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S KID. THE SOLUTION IS TO TRAIN TEACHERS TO WORK WITH A MORE APPROPRIATE DEVELOPMENTAL RANGE. UGH....(more) 12-1-2018 1:59pm
      YOU WOMEN ARE SO SELFISH.
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  6. Toddler Does everyone in the Boston suburbs redshirt August boys? 10-16-2018 7:42am (5 replies)
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    • probably. they do in the CT burbs 10-16-2018 7:42am
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      • We are moving there and I may make my 2nd trader repeat 2nd grade. He already struggles academically. 10-16-2018 7:44am
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        • probably a good idea 10-16-2018 7:46am
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          • definitely a good idea (NP in CT) 10-16-2018 8:06am
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    • they should if they don't 10-16-2018 8:14am
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  7. Toddler Redshirting for sports seems like a non-issue these days bc if you are serious about sports, your travel team is more important than your high school team Travel teams are...(more) 9-14-2018 2:30pm (17 replies)
    organized by birth year so you play in your age group regardless of what grade you are in.
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    • Not true at all 9-14-2018 2:30pm
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      • np: which part? 9-14-2018 2:31pm
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        • np: The grade you are in matters, because if they don't think you are ready to play in college they will not take you. A good number of kids do post graduate year at boarding...(more) 9-14-2018 2:35pm
          school or in juniors before going to college for that reason.
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    • my dd plays volleyball and this is true for that. club is way more competetive than school. 9-14-2018 2:30pm
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    • I disagree, if you want to get recruited to play in college it is definitely beneficial to be older, bigger, stronger. 9-14-2018 2:32pm
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      • ^^^more for boys than girls as most girls are done growing long before they finish high school 9-14-2018 2:32pm
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    • It delays college by a year. 9-14-2018 2:33pm
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    • Football has travel teams? 9-14-2018 2:34pm
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    • tell that to my neighborhood bus stop full of 6.5 year old boys starting K 9-14-2018 2:34pm
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    • Many do it for academics 9-14-2018 2:35pm
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      • Iím actually considering having my young current 8th grader go to our public high school for 9th and then repeat 9th in a private school. 9-14-2018 2:37pm
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        • lol 9-14-2018 2:37pm
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        • Why? 9-14-2018 2:38pm
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          • This post has been deleted. 9-14-2018 2:40pm
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            • She may hit her stride this year or next, my (young) DD did much better in HS than in middle school. 9-14-2018 2:41pm
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          • NP: she is struggling socially making friends. She could also do better at academics though sheís doing ok. Not sure weíll do that or just send her straight to private high...(more) 9-14-2018 2:41pm
            school.
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        • People do this for boarding schools, but I have not seen it for day schools. 9-14-2018 2:38pm
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  8. Toddler The origin of the term redshirt was likely from Warren Alfson of the University of Nebraska who, in 1937, asked to practice but not play and wore a Nebraska red shirt without a...(more) 9-14-2018 1:58pm (6 replies)
    number. In a redshirt year, student athletes may attend classes at the college or university, practice with an athletic team, and ďsuit upĒ (wear a team uniform) for play Ė but they may not compete in games. Using this mechanism, a student athlete has at most five academic years to use the four years of eligibility, thus becoming what is termed a fifth-year senior.
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    • thank you! 9-14-2018 2:00pm
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      • are you not capable of googling? 9-14-2018 2:00pm
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    • cool back story 9-14-2018 2:01pm
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  9. Toddler Why do people care about red shirting? I have 2 girls with June/July birthdays, did not redshirt them, and it doesn't bother me that there are some older kids in the class. 9-14-2018 1:53pm (38 replies)
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    • who knows, my june boy was red-shirted by the NYC private - all "summer" birthdays were - back to May even. 9-14-2018 1:54pm
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      • np: and my july ds switched to private school in 6th grade and is getting straight As... 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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      • that's not true at all schools. some more accepting of summer b-days than others. 9-14-2018 1:57pm
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    • they are worried little Benjamin won't make the high school baseball team and then get a college scholarship and play shortstop for the Yankees b/c there are bigger kids 9-14-2018 1:54pm
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    • In my district it started to affect sports teams, so they needed to restructure the teams based on birth year and not grade. 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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      • Np: that sounds smart actually. Travel teams are done that way. 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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        • Now ours are too and it does make sense (although my DS isn't on a team with a few friends bc they are older) but they had not done that in the past until this redshirting trend 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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          • It does not make sense for high school sports, fairly easy to do for younger kids. 9-14-2018 2:01pm
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    • Aren't there always going to be dc a year apart? The youngest and the oldest in the class? 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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      • it's more like 2 years by the end of the year for a kid with a birthday right before the cut off 9-14-2018 1:57pm
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        • So my dd school cut off is Sept 1, wouldn't oldest be born Sept 2 and youngest Aug 31st? 9-14-2018 1:59pm
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          • That is if everyone follows the cutoff which many people do not, plus people move and so the actual age range in the classroom is around 18 months usually. 9-14-2018 2:01pm
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            • Np: most people follow the cutoff. There are a few outliers and thatís how itís always been. 9-14-2018 2:03pm
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              • That depends on where you live. 9-14-2018 2:04pm
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                • Honestly Iíve never added it up for my kids. I donít really care what the numbers are since it doesnít affect me or them. I figure the parents have reasons and the school approved...(more) 9-14-2018 2:06pm
                  It.
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            • Interesting, that hasn't really been my experience, there are one or two outside the range, but they tend to be young, not old. A few dc who transferred from places with a later...(more) 9-14-2018 2:04pm
              cut off so they (in my 11th grader's class) turn 16 this month or next.
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              • ^^^I would think it would be boring to start senior year at age 18. 9-14-2018 2:05pm
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                • It really depends on how hard your school is. 9-14-2018 2:06pm
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                  • It's hard, but I don't think the older dc are any smarter than the younger ones. 9-14-2018 2:07pm
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                    • But if it is hard they are not likely to be bored. 9-14-2018 2:10pm
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                      • It's not the academic challenge, that's the same at any age, it's the rules. I've seen kids who missed the prom because they broke rules or didn't get the permission forms in ...(more) 9-14-2018 2:12pm
                        time. It's being treated like kids, they did fine in college.
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                        • There are plenty of younger kids breaking the rules, I don't think it is a function of age. 9-14-2018 2:16pm
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                          • Maybe it's individual dc, I have two in college and one in HS, ime, it's the older dc who question authority the most. 9-14-2018 2:17pm
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                            • I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. 9-14-2018 2:21pm
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                • My dd turned 18 a month after school started Sr year. She wasnít bored. She had challenging courses. 9-14-2018 2:07pm
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    • I donít care at all. My kids never played school sports and were always good students. The ages of their classmates did not matter to me. 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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      • op--ita. and I feel my kids have an advantage being the youngest. They learn more, its like being in a more advanced class to be younger, whereas the red shirt kids must be...(more) 9-14-2018 1:56pm
        bored
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        • I think it depends on the kid and a lot less advantage seeking is going on than the handwringing indicates 9-14-2018 1:57pm
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    • I can see people caring a little in K or 1st b/c I do think there are big developmental differences then, but at 17 I have no idea why anyone would give one shit. 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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      • Kids do because it is clear how can drive etc, and for boys it matters for sports as they grow through HS. 9-14-2018 2:03pm
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        • what? 9-14-2018 2:04pm
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          • If you are the youngest (like my DD is) you will be the last one to get to drive, while you are a senior already. Most kids have had a license for a while now. 9-14-2018 2:05pm
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            • someone has to be last. Someone has to be first. 9-14-2018 2:06pm
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              • Right, but neither is ideal IMO. And i have one youngest and one among the oldest, neither is great. 9-14-2018 2:09pm
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                • My dd is among the youngest too and I really can't say it's affected anything. She's 13. 9-14-2018 2:10pm
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                  • Mine is 16 and senior now. I do think it is easier for girls to be the youngest because they tend to be more mature to begin with. 9-14-2018 2:17pm
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    • Because some people are looking for an edge and some are resentful 9-14-2018 2:07pm
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    • Because they are afraid their kids can't make it if they are not among the older group. 9-14-2018 2:23pm
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  10. Toddler The stupid suburban redshirting pisses me off. Why is your HS Junior 17 already!?! not fair 9-14-2018 1:45pm (47 replies)
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    • Because of the cut off 9-14-2018 1:45pm
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    • um- that's normal 9-14-2018 1:46pm
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      • np: really? noramlly kids enter hs at age 19? 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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        • ^^ sorry i meant enter college 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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          • Some kids do, and actually most colleges start in August so she would be 18 still. 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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        • there are 365 days in a year, children's birthday's are normally distributed throughout the year, so why is this unusual to you? 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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    • How would this affect you 9-14-2018 1:46pm
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      • not the angry OP but it does affect things like how mature teachers expect the kids to be. it's hard enough with a 1-year age gap but when you have a 1st grade class with a 1.5-2...(more) 9-14-2018 1:47pm
        year age gap it's a huge different
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        • If kids in the same district donít necessarily have thta. Different cutoffs 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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          • i know that -- but re reshirting this is an issue 9-14-2018 1:49pm
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            • what is red shirting? 9-14-2018 1:50pm
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              • When you start your child in K so they will be the oldest in the grade--so they are already or turning 6 yrs old. Parental choice 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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                • what is it called red shirt? 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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                  • It's a sports term 9-14-2018 1:53pm
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                    • But it means something entirely different in sports, you actually go to college but not play the first year. 9-14-2018 1:54pm
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                      • well, then I'm not sure. I thought it was connected to that 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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                        • you=dummy 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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                          • go fucking look it up dick 9-14-2018 1:59pm
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            • It is not redshirting for most districts! 9-14-2018 1:51pm
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              • I'm not saying it is. I am tlking about actual redshirting when it does occur 9-14-2018 1:53pm
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        • where I am a 17yo junior is normal based on cutoff..where on earth are you and op from if this is so unusual? 9-14-2018 1:49pm
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          • i'm responding re how redshirting would affect others, not the OP who cannot undertand varying cutofss lol. 9-14-2018 1:50pm
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            • what is red shirt? why do you call it that? 9-14-2018 1:51pm
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              • sports term for players who sit on the bench for a year...so they can...I'm not sure...something about sports! 9-14-2018 1:53pm
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                • Keep their eligibility to play another year. They do however go to classes that year. 9-14-2018 1:55pm
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                  • why Red Shirt? 9-14-2018 1:56pm
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                    • They wear a red shirt over the jersey signifying they are not eligible to play in the games. 9-14-2018 1:57pm
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    • One of my friends held her premie back. Another;s son had to repeat kindergarten, but you didn't know that. 9-14-2018 1:46pm
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      • I'm pretty sure OP is referring to the trend of all those parents who read the Outliers and want their kids to be the oldest in their grades. Nobody questions it when it medical...(more) 9-14-2018 1:50pm
        or professionally recommended.
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      • that's not redshirting 9-14-2018 1:51pm
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    • not fair for who? kidn of not fair to still be in high school when you are 18 1/2 years old or 19 9-14-2018 1:46pm
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    • It is not necessarily red shirting. Our district's cut off is Aug. 1, so there are always 6yos starting kindergarten, even if they were not red shirted. Different states have...(more) 9-14-2018 1:46pm
      different rules.
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    • Are you dumb. More than half this country has aug and sept 1 cutoffs. Many kids turn 17 junior year 9-14-2018 1:46pm
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    • I have a dec bday kid in nyc and sad he is so young but the issue is the late nyc cutoff in this case 9-14-2018 1:47pm
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      • This. Ot many areas have such late cutoffs. NY is nit the norm 9-14-2018 1:47pm
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    • The cutoff is Sept. 1 in a lot of places, including mine. So if she has an early Sept. birthday, she wasn't redshirted. 9-14-2018 1:47pm
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    • I think we should have a country wide cut of of September 1 9-14-2018 1:47pm
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      • i think it should be a local decision 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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        • It is, but OP has a problem with it. 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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    • I was 17 halfway through my junior year, as were most of my friends 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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    • when is your town's cut off because what you are saying makes no sense 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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    • Redshirting happens everywhere but at my dcs' schools the cutoff is 9/1 so there would certainly already be 17 yos even w/o redshirting 9-14-2018 1:48pm
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    • Because their cutoff is 9/1? Most common cutoff in this country btw. 9-14-2018 1:51pm
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    • I'm the OP of that post and my dd wasn't redshirted. Her birthday was 9/11. The cut off for our school district is 8/31 so she is in the appropriate grade for her age. Thanks...(more) 9-14-2018 1:52pm
      though
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    • DELETE THIS POST YOU ARE SHOWI 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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      • ^NG YOUR IGNORANCE! 9-14-2018 1:52pm
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  11. Toddler WWYD: DS is 7.5 yo (October birthday). In NYC, he is a rising 3rd grader. Sending him to sleepaway camp in the South next summer (where his sister already goes). Most schools...(more) 7-26-2018 10:45am (8 replies)
    in the south have an earlier cut off (June 1, Sept 1, October 1, etc.), so DS would have been rising 2nd grader if we lived there. Most kids at this camp come from the south. In this situation would you put your son in a bunk with a) kids in his grade (he would be the youngest, w/all kids older than him, or b) kids his age (but all would be a grade behind him)? DS goes to public in NYC, so no redshirting expereince; there are kids in his grade older than him and some younger.
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    • Grade. Itís about what he can handle 7-26-2018 10:46am
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      • You mean, since he is handling 3rd grade this year, he should be able to handle the older kids? 7-26-2018 10:47am
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        • Yes 7-26-2018 10:48am
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          • ^ and I say this because we have to DD born in October/ Nov but not in NYC, I would want the opposite 7-26-2018 10:49am
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            • Interesting. So for your daughter, you would rather her be with the younger girls for sleep away camp? 7-26-2018 10:51am
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              • She would be with the girls she is normally with, some may be younger 7-26-2018 11:03am
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    • Send him with his age. Grade doesn't matter since they won't be doing schoolwork. Ds has camp friends from out of state and they're his age but not his grade 7-26-2018 10:51am
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      • This. And for sports bad to be the youngest. 7-26-2018 10:52am
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  12. Toddler Ok I generally dont care about redshirting but I recently found out that this kid who wins basically everything is TWO years older than most of the kids in the grade. Not...(more) 5-26-2018 12:36pm (33 replies)
    redshirting literally in the wrong grade. How is this allowed in publkc?
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    • It's fucking bullshit 5-26-2018 12:36pm
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    • What do you propose as an alternative? 5-26-2018 12:36pm
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      • you go in the grade for your age. 5-26-2018 12:37pm
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        • What if you are the oldest in the grade (someone has to be the oldest) and then you have valid issues requiring you to be held back? 5-26-2018 12:37pm
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          • a kid who wins every award probablynisnt that kid. 5-26-2018 12:38pm
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            • OP didn't say what type of awards, and this is probably years later. 5-26-2018 12:39pm
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              • oh FFS stip making excuses 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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                • It's not my kid but what awards is this kid winning? 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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              • OP here. all awards like academic arts sports. I'm sure shes a smart and talented kid but dont tell me that being too years older isnt contributing 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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                • A girl? Oh boy. 5-26-2018 12:41pm
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                  • yes it's a girl 5-26-2018 12:41pm
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          • I know a kid like that but he isnt winning all the awards 5-26-2018 12:38pm
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    • I know so many 6-7yos entering K in NYC now, private 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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      • Fwiw most of the time Rita the school, not the parent, who says the kid has to do this. April and May bday boys when the official cutoff is sept 1. 5-26-2018 12:53pm
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    • was there some type of illness in preschool yrs? 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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      • nope 5-26-2018 12:40pm
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        • so how old and what grade? 5-26-2018 12:41pm
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          • turned 16 in 9th. 5-26-2018 12:42pm
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            • that's not 2 years ahead though, plenty turn 19 in senior year 5-26-2018 12:43pm
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              • sure it is. we are in NY cutoffs Dec. it's two years older than many of the kids 5-26-2018 12:44pm
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                • NYC? because you can't redshirt 5-26-2018 12:46pm
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              • Not in public 5-26-2018 12:44pm
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              • How is this 2 years ahead if the kid is 19 as a senior, aren't most in public 18? 5-26-2018 12:49pm
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                • many turn 17 senior year 5-26-2018 12:51pm
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                  • not that many 5-26-2018 12:56pm
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                    • the cutoffs are dec 1. plenty of kids start 12th ar Age 16 here 5-26-2018 12:59pm
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                • Less than half 5-26-2018 12:51pm
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            • What academic awards are given in 9th grade? 5-26-2018 12:44pm
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              • science olympiad math olympiad foreign language competitions junior honor society artists awards all county etc etc etc 5-26-2018 12:45pm
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            • So she will be 19 as a high school senior?!? Watch out make teachers! 5-26-2018 12:46pm
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    • wins what? sports stuff? 5-26-2018 12:42pm
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      • see above. everything 5-26-2018 12:43pm
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  13. Toddler Do most people redshirt kindergarten because their dc isnít academically ready or more for confidence/behavior issues? 5-24-2018 5:11pm (11 replies)
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    • All of the above + sports 5-24-2018 5:11pm
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    • Ive heard, small for age. not ready. immature. sports. 5-24-2018 5:13pm
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      • ^^^ and the general "gift of a year" 5-24-2018 5:14pm
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    • My ds has an August bday. I redshirted him because of social-emotional issues. Academically, he was "right on track" according to school. But he also ended up getting diagnosed...(more) 5-24-2018 5:14pm
      with ADHD. He's always been one step behind even after being redshirted, but I think the extra year did buy him some time.
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    • For many itís only about not wanting to be youngest 5-24-2018 5:14pm
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    • They say #2, but they are worried about #1, and want to be the best in the class. 5-24-2018 5:15pm
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    • My friends who did the latter (confidence, not misbehavior) are kicking themselves, since their super-bright daughter is bored. 5-24-2018 5:16pm
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    • I have 2 Dec dds. the first needed the year for emotional/behavioral reasons. my second dd I kept back because I kept her sister back 5-24-2018 5:17pm
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      • that seems extremely wrong for the younger one. 5-24-2018 5:21pm
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    • for my son it would have behavior/maturity, but we never did it. He's been doing school work a year beyond his grade level to stay challenged instead (still immature, behavior...(more) 5-24-2018 5:18pm
      issues lessen each year)
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    • I may redshirt my 6th grade son. Heís doing fine but moving to private school where all the boys in his grade were red shirted and will be at least a year older. 5-24-2018 5:20pm
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  14. Toddler This post has been disliked 5 times. showIím sick of the redshirting/repeating grades for athletics. My son got flattened in a varsity HS game this weekend, and it turns out the other kid is 20. Itís ridiculous to have...(more) 4-17-2018 11:16am (23 replies)
    20 year old men playing against 15 year old boys.
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    • stop trolling, mister 4-17-2018 11:17am
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      • This isnít trolling 4-17-2018 11:22am
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    • I am so sick of redshirted kids 4-17-2018 11:18am
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    • A 20 yo in high school has other issues. His parents did not hold him back solely for sports . 4-17-2018 11:18am
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      • Thatís not true - my nephew graduated at 20. Had been started late in K, repeated 9th grade in boarding school, all for hockey 4-17-2018 11:20am
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        • In his case, not in all cases 4-17-2018 11:20am
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        • Boarding school is another animal, OP is presumably talking about run of the mill HS. 4-17-2018 11:21am
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        • This is no true for most redshirted kids. My dd repeated K and does not play any sports. 4-17-2018 11:21am
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          • There are absolutely legitimate reasons to hold a kid back for another year, but doing it solely for an advantage in sports is bullshit 4-17-2018 11:23am
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            • And Iím saying a 20 yo in high school likely has other reasons. Not just sports. 4-17-2018 11:28am
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    • This post has been disliked 3 times. showSounds like your mommaís boy should study nursing 4-17-2018 11:18am
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      • Or maybe if a kid isnít good enough to play at a high level at 15, 16, parents shouldnít encourage them to hang out in HS until theyíre just bigger than everyone? 4-17-2018 11:21am
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        • Most 15yos are on JV teams, they do not play against 20yos. Which sport is OP talking about? 4-17-2018 11:22am
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          • OP: I have a 15 yo sophomore lacrosse player. His team is a mix of sophomores, juniors and seniors 4-17-2018 11:25am
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            • In lax size is not such a big deal. Most middies and attack players are not huge. They just have to outrun the d-pole giants. 4-17-2018 11:27am
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              • Thatís true, but thereís absolutely a difference between the physical development of boys at 15, 17 and 20. Itís a real difference. 4-17-2018 11:29am
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                • Sure but so what? Some boys are fully grown by 16, we have a couple who are well over 6 feet and 200 lbs as sophomores. I agree with the other poster than 20yo in HS must have...(more) 4-17-2018 11:31am
                  been redshirted for other reasons, because that's two redshirts.
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                  • Okay, but whereís the limit? Can kids play Hs sports until theyíre 21? 4-17-2018 11:36am
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                    • I donít really care if they do but we arenít a sports crazy family. 4-17-2018 11:43am
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    • Damn. Good point. Nothing you can do about it though. This has always been around 4-17-2018 11:19am
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    • 20yo in HS is beyond redshirting. 4-17-2018 11:20am
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      • This. 4-17-2018 11:22am
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        • My DS was redshirted (by his private school not by us really) and still will be 18 when he graduates. 4-17-2018 11:23am
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  15. Toddler Do you think it would be better to redshirt a boy in 6th grade or 9th (with a change of school)? 3-10-2018 6:31pm (56 replies)
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    • depends on your reasons. academic or athletic? 3-10-2018 6:31pm
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      • More maturity but obviously it would help academically & with sports 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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        • O. No fucking way 3-10-2018 6:33pm
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        • >> and doing it in 9th means he could get ahead vs repeating material 3-10-2018 6:33pm
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        • Whatís the real downside or bad outcome of staying in existing grade? 3-10-2018 6:33pm
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          • He'll be average. 3-10-2018 6:34pm
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            • Canít have that, I guess....(more) 3-10-2018 6:35pm
              What if heís average?
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            • Average is fine. 3-10-2018 6:35pm
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            • He be average if you red shirt him. Then heel be old and average 3-10-2018 6:35pm
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            • Heís actually above average now 3-10-2018 6:36pm
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              • Then why in Godís name would you have him repeat 3-10-2018 6:37pm
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                • Bc almost everyone else was redshirted and heís struggling socially a bit 3-10-2018 6:38pm
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                  • >> plus I see no reason to ship him off to college at 17 3-10-2018 6:38pm
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                    • I think youíre really not dealing with solid ground and youíre letting worries dictate a process that should be more logic driven. 3-10-2018 6:39pm
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                    • Wonít he be 18? Like right before he goes? 3-10-2018 6:44pm
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                    • do a gap year between high school and college then, 3-10-2018 6:55pm
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                    • gap year. don't put him down a grade at this point. humiliating. 3-11-2018 1:56pm
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              • the only reason I'd do it is immaturity being a behavior issue, like disrupting class and getting in trouble at school 3-10-2018 6:38pm
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          • Heís a summer birthday & almost every boy at the schools weíre looking at are 1 year or more older. And heís a ďyoungĒ kid. Does well in school but seems a bit out of place with...(more) 3-10-2018 6:35pm
            the older boys who are getting into girls, etc.
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            • mines immature too. why should everyone be the same? 3-10-2018 6:41pm
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              • Because heís lonely and I want him to have school friends he can relate to 3-10-2018 6:42pm
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                • What does HE want? 3-10-2018 6:43pm
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                  • Iím not sure he knows. 3-10-2018 6:44pm
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            • Would he be down with this plan? 3-10-2018 6:42pm
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              • Probably but weíd have to spin it a bitó eg tell him itís for sports 3-10-2018 6:43pm
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                • I donít know about this. I really wonder if thereís a backfiring potential here. Itís kind of a vote of ďno confidenceĒ 3-10-2018 6:45pm
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                  • ita. find him friends outside of school or just change schools. my small immature kid has other small immature kid friends at his school 3-10-2018 6:46pm
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                    • Or just settle for ďthis is a bump in the road, but I believe in my kidĒ attitude 3-10-2018 6:47pm
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                  • Well he lays a sport thatís by age group now & he knows heís good. He also knows that most kids in his age group are a grade younger so he will be at a disadvantage for high...(more) 3-10-2018 6:46pm
                    school
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                    • Disadvantages are what help us learn, if youíre willing to take the long view. 3-10-2018 6:47pm
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                      • I agree except for sports where being physically mismatched can be a real problem (especially as kids mature at different rates) 3-10-2018 6:49pm
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                        • Shouldnít the kid be matching into a different sport, then? Kid first, sport second? I mean assuming youíre not going all Malcolm gladwell canadian hockey on us? 3-10-2018 6:52pm
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                          • No Iím just saying the sports argument will resonate with him because he sees it. Then I donít need to tell him heís (relatively) immature! 3-10-2018 6:54pm
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                            • How old is he? If he is in 5th grade he will be stuck playing by age group even if you redshirt him for school. Also do you really think he will be good enough for this to matter? 3-11-2018 1:59pm
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            • omg I had a December birthday (graduated HS at 17 1/2) and I was fine. who are these snowflake kids who can't handle having a summer birthday? 3-11-2018 1:57pm
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    • 9th 3-10-2018 6:31pm
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    • depends on the boy 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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    • 9th at Buckley, 9th at Exeter is the way to go 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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      • So repeat the ninth grade at those schools? 3-10-2018 6:34pm
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    • Redshirted boys in middle schools truly stand out. I donít care much about the topic in general but I notice it a lot (work in ms) 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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    • Neither unless there was a really good reason. 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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    • 6th 3-10-2018 6:32pm
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    • 9th. 3-10-2018 6:36pm
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    • I can't see a benefit to holding an older child over, unless there were significant academic delays. I teach junior high school language arts and we really consider whether...(more) 3-10-2018 6:36pm
      holding a child over will make the difference. It rarely is a good idea.
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      • Boarding schools do this all of the time (repeating of a grade). 3-10-2018 6:39pm
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        • That's obviously their right. I'm saying that as a 7th and 8th grade teacher, there would need to be a truly compelling reason to do so. 3-10-2018 6:41pm
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          • Are you in a public or private school? 3-10-2018 6:41pm
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            • Public school. 3-10-2018 6:42pm
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              • Ime, most private school boys are redshirted from the get go. Some wonít even accept summer birthday boys. 3-10-2018 6:43pm
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          • True. And, if it is a public school, there are going to be policies around this. 3-10-2018 6:42pm
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        • But they don't start in 6th grade so I don't see how that is relevant to OP. 3-11-2018 1:58pm
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    • I think redshirting is a bad move in almost all situations. Most issues that cause kids difficulty in school aren't resolved by just holding them back, you have to fix their...(more) 3-11-2018 1:55pm
      school setting and supports. And if they're done right in the first place, or quickly when problems arise, then holding back isn't necessary.
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    • If it's necessary academically - 6th. If for any other reason, don't do it IMO 3-11-2018 1:56pm
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    • If you redshirt him either year you are sending him the message loud and clear that you donít think heís good enough to handle the next grade. If thatís really you above saying he...(more) 3-11-2018 2:15pm
      Is currently above average, redshirting him would be a huge mistake. All research states that the only time repeating a grade benefits a student is K or 1st grade. After that the cons outweigh the pros. And theyíre talking about kids who actually need academic help. There are no studies on kids who are fine academically bc youíd have to be insane to hold a kid back who is academically fine. Some kids struggle socially. You canít and shouldnít fix everything.
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  16. Toddler Regarding redshirting your kid for K, it's so funny that the people who say it isn't necessary or that it is ridiculous 1) didn't redshirt their kids and didn't have an issue...(more) 2-22-2018 12:18pm (47 replies)
    with their decision. Meanwhile I know plenty of people who didn't redshirt and wish they had and don't know anyone who redshirted and wish they hadn't.
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    • but where does it stop? if no one is willing to have the youngest kid 2-22-2018 12:18pm
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      • The schools could stop it anytime. 2-22-2018 12:19pm
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        • they really should. i know some kids who needed it and some who really truly didn't but parents didnt' want their kid to be the youngest just b/c 2-22-2018 12:19pm
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        • Some districts don't allow and would put kid in 1st automatically 2-22-2018 12:20pm
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      • Only wealthy people can redshirt. It's one more way to add to systemic inequality 2-22-2018 12:19pm
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      • I know plenty of people who have the 'youngest kid' ...but those kids happen to be very mature for their age and very smart for their age so they still fit in even though they are...(more) 2-22-2018 12:19pm
        the youngest
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    • I do know someone who wishes they hadn't, because the kid is very smart and bored, but he is still small and will likely always be as neither parent is particularly tall. 2-22-2018 12:19pm
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      • that's true...if the ONLY reason you are redshirting is because your kid is genetically small then that's just dumb because if they are genetically small, holding them back one...(more) 2-22-2018 12:22pm
        year means they are still going to be small...maybe it won't be as obvious in K, but by 4th or 5th grade, they will be the smallest once again
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    • We redshirted sort of. Dd has to repeat K. Sheís a senior and no regrets. People that are adamantly against view these kids as competion but my dd is not competeing with their...(more) 2-22-2018 12:20pm
      children. We did what was best for her.
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      • i think if a kid TRULY needs it, NO ONE has an issue with it. it's "i want my boy to be the tallest" that's an issue 2-22-2018 12:22pm
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        • I think those cases are extremely rare but YBM likes to focus on them. I donít know anyone that held their kid back for this reason. All of them did it for academics and to...(more) 2-22-2018 12:23pm
          help their struggling child.
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          • they really aren't that rare, at least not in my nj burb. 2-22-2018 12:23pm
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            • ^ no one wanted their august boy to be the youngest with an october cutoff. and then it was june boys. and then may boys. i kid you not. 2-22-2018 12:24pm
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              • Iím not in a competitive town so maybe thatís the difference. Sports are determined by age, not grade. 2-22-2018 12:25pm
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                • some of ours, for outside clubs. but if you're in 9th grade, you're on the freshman team so you could have a kid entering at 13 and turning 14 shortly, or a kid who was redshirted...(more) 2-22-2018 12:26pm
                  who is already over a year older.
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                  • Our high school teams are JV and varsity. No freshman teams. 2-22-2018 12:27pm
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                    • we have that too. still gives the older kids an advantage 2-22-2018 12:29pm
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                      • I guess. Iím not a sports parent so I donít follow it too closely. 2-22-2018 12:30pm
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                        • think about it, a 19 yr old senior vs a 17 yr old senior 2-22-2018 12:32pm
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                          • ^ although actually i't smore apparent in 9/10th 2-22-2018 12:33pm
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                            • yep...posted below...by high school, the younger non-redshirted kids are all running track because they quit their team sport years ago 2-22-2018 12:35pm
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                              • ^a lot comes down to the actual date you were born...my dc has late may bday...because baseball cut-off date is April 30, he was much more successful in his age group for...(more) 2-22-2018 12:37pm
                                baseball than he would have been if he had been born April 29.
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                • see in our town, sports were determined by grade up til 3 years ago...I helped out with little league on year and EVERY kid in the A league (better players) was a redshirted boy...(more) 2-22-2018 12:27pm
                  except 3 - out of 24 players)
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                • Not when you get to HS 2-22-2018 12:29pm
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                  • and by the time that happens most of the non-redshirted boys have given up playing the sports they like because they couldn't compete with the kids who were a year older. My DS...(more) 2-22-2018 12:33pm
                    is on 2 varsity teams (non-redshirted but early bday) and half the kids on the team were redshirted for K....it absolutely does have an effect
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              • In NYC zoned (unpopular) public, I was on a tour and a woman wanted to hold back her Oct boy. I have a late dec girl and stared at her in disbelief. 2-22-2018 12:25pm
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                • Or: my dd is an Oct bday. 2-22-2018 12:26pm
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          • I have seen it in many cases where it's not at all apparent their child would struggle, they just don't want them to be youngest 2-22-2018 12:28pm
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            • It's usually about parental anxiety. 2-22-2018 12:43pm
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    • My Dd had an issue, was right at cutoff and we held her back. Still the right decision many years later and we really wrestled with it 2-22-2018 12:20pm
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    • I did NOT redshirt and she had to repeat 2nd grade it was such a disaster (October birthday) 2-22-2018 12:20pm
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    • we didn't redshirt and were debating and i'm very happy wth my decision. there was something off that we couldn't identify but redshirting would not have helped, poor ds needs a...(more) 2-22-2018 12:21pm
      hell of a lot more than just going back 1 grade. In fact, it would be worse, he would be the oldest but still struggling.
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    • Guess what? If you preemptively held your child back, you have no way of knowing whether they would have done better or worse if they'd been given a chance to start school on...(more) 2-22-2018 12:21pm
      time.
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      • if you held your child back though you still know that they are doing OK...and that is infinitely better than starting them on time and then having them repeat a grade...because...(more) 2-22-2018 12:26pm
        that REALLY sucks for a kid unless you can switch schools...I know a few kids who repeated grades but they switched schools to do it. My dc should have repeated but because he had a good group of friends we felt it was more important for him to stay in his current grade and get extra supports...supports he probably wouldn't need if he were a grade below
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        • Not every child who is held back does as well as they would have if they were with their age-peers/got schooling and supports earlier. 2-22-2018 12:41pm
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          • in our burb, holding back is so common that almost 25% of the boys are redshirted making it so common that non-redshirted boy are at a huge disadvantage...and getting 'supports'...(more) 2-22-2018 12:46pm
            at school are nearly impossible..you have to fight tooth and nail for them
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    • I had a kid who was the youngest. We had to go ahead with it. Turns out it was terrible. So we switched schools and held back. Very glad we did it. Not sure if it should be...(more) 2-22-2018 12:24pm
      OK for K though. Give the kid a chance to try and fail. Some other kids with similar birthdate as mine are doing well.
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    • i agree. we didn't redshirt and we probably should have. 2-22-2018 12:26pm
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    • We did not redshirt because DD started in NYC public school (late fall birthday). Was one of the youngest but not the youngest until she moved to private in middle school where...(more) 2-22-2018 12:26pm
      she was THE youngest. It was rough for a couple years in middle school. Now thriving in high school.
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    • My DS was the youngest in his entire school. It ended up not being ok for him because he was behind his age in several academic areas (and ot wasn't helping). We switched him to...(more) 2-22-2018 12:32pm
      a school where he is the middle of the age and it has made a huge difference. Sometimes it is about the kid, not the date.
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      • but part of that is BECAUSE the academic expectations are geared toward the middle of the grade age-wise....the bar gets raised for K for example when the kids entering are 6...(more) 2-22-2018 12:34pm
        instead of 4
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        • No. This was an NYC public. No one was redshirted. DS is just really behind in some areas - way ahead in others 2-22-2018 12:43pm
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    • DF has 2 DS both are the youngest in their classes. Both have social issues and one has academic issues. They were adamant about not red shirting and went nuts when the school...(more) 2-22-2018 12:36pm
      isggested one boy repeat 1st grade. I'm not sure why she is dying on this hill
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      • Some people want to make a point of not going with conventional wisdom 2-22-2018 12:39pm
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    • Dd was the youngest. Started K at age 4. Plus she was tiny so she looked like she was about 3. We spoke to her prek teacher before we moved her into k. The first few years she...(more) 2-22-2018 12:42pm
      wasnt as emotionally developed as some of the other kids, and she started college at 17. But academically it was fine. The emotional maturity evened out eventually
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      • This. I have a Christmas boy with a 12/31 cutoff. A little bumpy in the earliest years, but doing fine as an adolescent and youngest in grade. 2-22-2018 12:45pm
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        • Should add, he has a learning disability that would definitely have had delayed identification and intervention if he had been redshirted. 2-22-2018 12:46pm
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  17. Toddler I know this is old, but this is totally my DS (aug bday with Dec 31 cut off but still youngest in class because most people redshirt...(more) 10-13-2017 6:56pm (6 replies)
    • I can't with teachers diagnosing ADHD. Maybe you're just a boring teacher with no patience for squirmy kids?? 10-13-2017 7:00pm
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      • my dc isn't squirmy (he's in 9th grade now) but I SO regret not holding him back - he is always a grade behind and really struggles to get Bs. He'd be so much better off one...(more) 10-13-2017 7:03pm
        grade behind.....he just seems to have ADHD (inattentive only) - he's just never had a problem socially and loves his small group of equally immature friends (the other youngest boys in the grade) so switching him would trade one problem for another
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        • HUH??? Why on earth did you not do that YEARS ago? 10-13-2017 7:09pm
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          • because every year the teachers told me he was "fine" ...it wasn't til he started MS that I realized how badly he really needed 1 more year in elementary...but you can't hold a...(more) 10-13-2017 7:14pm
            kid back at that age who has his whole social circle set up...
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      • What grade is he in? Put him back a grade now so he can mature. 10-13-2017 7:04pm
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        • he's in 9th...he can't repeat and go back to middle school and lose all his friends ....that ship sailed back in K when I asked if he should repeat K....I had NO idea then HOW...(more) 10-13-2017 7:06pm
          many boys in the class were a full year older than him (nearly every boy who was born Sept-Dec)
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  18. Toddler If your kid was on the younger side for kindergarten, do you regret not redshirting? 9-19-2017 7:21pm (26 replies)
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    • No. 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • My dd was and we ended up having her repeat K at the recommendation of the school. We should have just redshirted her but it all worked out in the end. She's graduating this year. 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • Yes but only because I knew he should have been redshirted and I was pressured by dh not to. 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • Absolutely not. 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • No, she was beyond ready, 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • no, not at all. he was my 3rd kid, more than ready for K. the only time i even noticed was when he graduated hs and started college at 17. 9-19-2017 7:22pm
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    • a little, she always struggled in school. 9-19-2017 7:23pm
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    • You know when your kid needs to be redshirted. It's very clear. It's not about being young or small. It's about developmental issues. 9-19-2017 7:23pm
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      • This. 9-19-2017 7:23pm
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      • Amen 9-19-2017 7:24pm
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      • Like what? There are two boys in my dd's pre k class this year who already did pre k last year and they seem completely normal to me. 9-19-2017 7:24pm
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      • then why was every single boy redshirted when my oldest daughter was in school? i never had an issue with it, but it did seem like boys born after august were held back. there...(more) 9-19-2017 7:24pm
        were never any boys younger than she was (late july b'day)
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      • But then you have the parents who do it for SPORTS! stupid 9-19-2017 7:25pm
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        • I don't get this. Sports in my town go by age until you play school sports. And anyone that wants to go to college and play sports gets ready it's from their travel leagues not...(more) 9-19-2017 7:27pm
          the school team.
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          • Not all teams. Many go by grade. 9-19-2017 7:29pm
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        • no, teams go by birth year. It doesn't affec tsports 9-19-2017 7:32pm
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          • in every city, state and country? 9-19-2017 7:36pm
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    • both my DC are almost the youngest in their class. one, I have some misgivings about. 9-19-2017 7:23pm
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    • nope. for either 9-19-2017 7:23pm
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    • No 9-19-2017 7:24pm
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    • Not allowed. NYC. DD was beyond ready academically and socially....until middle school. Starting middle school at 10 with kids who were kept back and 13 was rough 9-19-2017 7:24pm
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      • How were the kids kept back if it's not allowed? 9-19-2017 7:26pm
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        • switch from private school or come from another country or state 9-19-2017 7:27pm
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        • ^^^its not allowed in NYC. But a principal can make exceptions...Also kids from private or another state or country come into NYC 9-19-2017 7:28pm
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    • I have a 17yo college freshman. She is fine. In K-3 she was less mature and that caused some problems though. 9-19-2017 7:34pm
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    • Mine was a late July b-day with an Aug 25th cutoff. I sent him at 5, but he has been behind for several years. We moved this year and I had him repeat 3rd grade. So glad we had...(more) 9-19-2017 7:38pm
      the opportunity.
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  19. Toddler When I was a kid parents wanted kids skipped. Now they want redshirting. What changed? 8-30-2017 11:40pm (28 replies)
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    • I was skipped and so was dh. Parents both wanted us with older/smarter kids. 8-30-2017 11:41pm
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      • Np, but the consequence to that is that you're immature hanging out with older kids, difficult socially 8-30-2017 11:42pm
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    • Everyone lives longer, so what's the hurry. 8-30-2017 11:42pm
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    • back then they didn't worry about the social aspect much. now they worry their kid needs to be more "ready." also, K is academic, a generation ago it was playtime 8-30-2017 11:42pm
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    • I started K at age 4. My dss started K at age 6. 8-30-2017 11:43pm
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      • What was K like for you vs your dss? 8-30-2017 11:43pm
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        • Arts and crafts.. we put on a play (I was Goldilocks). I think I learned to write my name, alphabet, numbers. My dss did more academic work. 8-30-2017 11:44pm
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          • np. K now is what 1st grade was when I was a kid. I'm 33. 8-30-2017 11:46pm
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      • me too bc we didn't have preschool and my parents just needed to go somewhere 8-30-2017 11:48pm
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    • i think there's general agreement that the skipping thing put young kids in socially bad places in school. i remember in college there was a 14yo kid in my class. he enjoyed none...(more) 8-30-2017 11:43pm
      of the social aspects of college, which are important, i think. it's an experience for 18-22yos
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      • well 14 is extreme, I would bet the 17 yos turning 18 soon did just fine. 8-30-2017 11:47pm
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        • the 17yos starting freshman year were fine. that's what an nyc public school fall birthday kid would be starting college. 17 turning 18. but i think it is better to be 18 starting...(more) 8-30-2017 11:50pm
          college.
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          • -- and that's not skipping ahead. that's just the result of the nyc public school cutoff 8-30-2017 11:51pm
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          • by that age, the differences depend on personality and life experience, not a few months extra of being alive... imo 8-30-2017 11:51pm
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    • Educators realized that kids mature at different ages 8-30-2017 11:43pm
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    • When I was a kid we had a grade between K and 1 and everyone wanted that extra year. Now, it's unheard of. 8-30-2017 11:44pm
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      • pre-firsters 8-30-2017 11:45pm
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        • Never heard of this. When was this? 8-30-2017 11:46pm
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          • 80s 8-30-2017 11:47pm
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            • I entered K in '77. 8-30-2017 11:47pm
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        • You must be from Pennsylvania 8-30-2017 11:51pm
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    • I think we are finally getting to the middle. Redshirting was very 2011 8-30-2017 11:45pm
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    • Tying federal funding changed benchmarks and now what is expected is not developmentally appropriate. 8-30-2017 11:46pm
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    • Dunno but there was a study done a while back that showed that redshirting doesn't help with future sucess.. 8-30-2017 11:47pm
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      • That's politically inspired BS talk. It saves money in tax dollars. 8-30-2017 11:48pm
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        • np I remember the article, but a neuroscientist. plus now there is push for universal prek. they should just go back to the old style K and let 4 yos go. 8-30-2017 11:50pm
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    • it's like gaming the system when redshirting; like your kid will be more advanced than peers. 8-30-2017 11:47pm
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      • this, things have gotten more competitive and there is focus on being the best, or at least seeming that way 8-30-2017 11:49pm
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  20. Toddler We are un-redshirting our child, who we held back at the advice of his preschool teachers. He was 3 weeks from the cutoff. It was a good decision initially but he...(more) 8-18-2017 5:14pm (25 replies)
    is far ahead of his peers academically. Hope we're doing the right thing. He's changing schools so the transition should be less stressful socially. But he will go from being one of the oldest kids (thought definitely not the oldest) to one of the youngest. When he was young, it was good that he had the extra time to mature. So I don't regret it. I just wish kindergarten had been more less desk-bound back then.
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    • Sounds like you'll never be satisfied 8-18-2017 5:15pm
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      • Sounds to me like she is making decisions on what his actual needs are. 8-18-2017 5:17pm
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    • I don't understand how you can move him ahead 8-18-2017 5:16pm
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      • school and teachers ... not me alone 8-18-2017 5:16pm
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        • but he is now skipping a grade? 8-18-2017 5:18pm
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          • Yes. He's going from 5th to 7th. 8-18-2017 5:18pm
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            • I don't understand this at all. How can he leap ahead like this? 8-18-2017 5:19pm
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              • He was already accelerated in math and science. Teachers said he was ready to accelerate in LA and SS too. His best friends are all older. He asked for it, and after we talked...(more) 8-18-2017 5:20pm
                with his teachers/school staff for their input, they supported the advancement.
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                • I think this is a fake post to rile up the masses but if not then I hope it all works out 8-18-2017 5:22pm
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                  • it's not fake. and why would it rile up the masses. Do you really think this applies to most families? 8-18-2017 5:25pm
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                • is this public or private? 8-18-2017 5:22pm
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            • wow- big jump. from elementary to middle school. 8-18-2017 5:19pm
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              • I agree. He has been taking math and science with middle schoolers, though. So he is pretty comfortable. 8-18-2017 5:22pm
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                • sounds like it's fine as long as everyone agrees. you can always re-adjust 8-18-2017 5:23pm
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                  • yes but I'm nervous about it. just something new and not what we were expecting. It affects a lot. There are logistics changes and I'll be paying college tuitions closer together...(more) 8-18-2017 5:26pm
                    too as my older is going to 9th.
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                    • if your son really wants to do this and feels he would fit better there, it will be fine. Its better to do it sooner rather than later. 8-18-2017 5:27pm
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                      • he is over the moon and super excited about starting school. It is the right choice for him -- but dh and I are freaking out a bit. 8-18-2017 5:29pm
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                        • good luck- i hope it goes really well. 8-18-2017 5:31pm
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            • whoa 8-18-2017 5:19pm
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            • but he'll be missing so much content 8-18-2017 5:20pm
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              • I have that concern too but less because he already was ahead in math and science. And he is a huge history/non-fiction reader and writer, so I think he'll be OK on the social...(more) 8-18-2017 5:24pm
                studies and writing. We did get the 6th grade history textbook and had him go through it and take the year-end exam, and he did well on it.
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                • nyc? 8-18-2017 5:29pm
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                  • no. our school cutoff is Sept. 1, and redshirting is extremely common where we live. 8-18-2017 5:30pm
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  21. Toddler Redshirting is just so child specific that it's not worth arguing about. My ds is small for his age with a late summer birthday. He was mature but not particularly social. He've...(more) 7-31-2017 11:34am (21 replies)
    is very bright. We sent him with his year. He probably wasn't the most social kid around until around 3rd grade, but it was the right thing for him. He also has friends who are about a year older (but in his grade). They are also in the right place. Holding back was right for them. They all hang out together, even at a year apart. Do what's right for your kid.
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    • Yeah we know that but it's so much fun arguing about it 7-31-2017 11:36am
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    • it is personal.. my brother and i were born on the same day jsut making the 12/31 cut off -- we both went to K at 4 -- my mother said i was ready but my bro was not -- but NYC...(more) 7-31-2017 11:36am
      didn't give you a choice in the 60s -- but he ended up doing fine.
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      • My brother has same bday, 12/30 and didn't do fine until high school when he just caught up with himself. But prior, a mess. Every kid is different. 7-31-2017 11:37am
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    • this, 100% 7-31-2017 11:36am
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    • It's not that easy, that's why we argue about it, because it's a gamble. Will the kid be better or not??? 7-31-2017 11:37am
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      • You go with what makes sense for that time, facing K. 7-31-2017 11:37am
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      • It is that easy. Focus on YOUR kid, and do what's right for him or her. What everyone else does is their business. I PROMISE (and I have three kids in school) that if you send...(more) 7-31-2017 11:39am
        your young dc, s/he will not be in a kindergarten class FILLED with 6 year olds. it just doesn't happen.
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        • YOUR kid affects others in the class. 7-31-2017 11:39am
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          • Of course. Every kid impacts the whole class. Including the February birthday kid with ADHD, the mean girl born in March, and a December kid. You must know this. 7-31-2017 11:43am
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        • Anecdotally, I have heard people who feel forced to redshirt for this very reason. Especially boys 7-31-2017 11:45am
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    • Possibly, but I get so annoyed with one of the moms constantly bragging about how her son gets perfect grades. He's a year older than the other kids and is probably bored. 7-31-2017 11:37am
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      • And other things, the starring role in the play, the starting position on sports 7-31-2017 11:38am
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        • most likely. the kid is huge! 7-31-2017 11:39am
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      • Doesn't mean it's not where he's meant to be. 7-31-2017 11:39am
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    • To me the argument should be over whether there is an objective determination vs parental choice. 7-31-2017 11:39am
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      • ding ding ding! 7-31-2017 11:42am
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      • You would have to do comprehensive K readiness assessment. Some places still do it but it is very expensive and money for education does not grow on trees. 7-31-2017 11:44am
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        • So charge the parents if they want to wait. All kids go if 5 before deadline unless parents get a wavier 7-31-2017 11:46am
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        • Only for those kids whose parents want to hold them back. And in many cases, there's an IEP already in place, so no need for a separate assessment. Indeed, I held my DD back...(more) 7-31-2017 11:48am
          based on her team's evaluation of readiness.
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      • disagree. You can read all of the papers written by academics in their Ivory Towers, or you can talk to people who are in the classroom or have been in schools for 30 years. I did...(more) 7-31-2017 11:48am
        a little of the former and a lot of the latter. To me, if you want to know how this ends up in the classroom, you talk to the people who live with it every day.
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    • ITA. We did a lot of research and talked with many educators and administrators about this before we made our decision. 7-31-2017 11:46am
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  22. Toddler 5.5 yo DS has October birthday; I sent him to K last fall, despite the parents of his 2 closest friends redshirting their sons. Last year, DS struggled a bit socially, but...(more) 7-31-2017 10:44am (64 replies)
    finally found footing and made some friends in his class. Academically and emotionally, he adjusted to school extremely very well. Well, the kid he is closest with is repeating K this year. So now DS's 3 closest friends, who he still loves to hang out with, are all a year behind him. UGH. I don't know what to do to help him.
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    • it's ok, your ds will continue to do great. We struggled with similar and now middle school, so happy we didn't hold back when others were. 7-31-2017 10:46am
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      • Thank you. When did your DS start to find his footing socially? DS has matured a lot in the past year. Really gained a lot of emotional control; but I'm not sure the other...(more) 7-31-2017 10:47am
        kids will see this or give him another chance.
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        • another chance for what? where did he fail that he needs another chance 7-31-2017 10:48am
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          • He went to preschool with a number of these kids. Small town. And he used to hit, cry, scream - but with OT, PT, and speech to help him communicate, he is a different kid....(more) 7-31-2017 10:51am
            There was a huge change from 4-5, but an even bigger change from 5 to now.
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            • ^^so when he was younger, some of the kids were uncomfortable around him. And I get why. But he is not that same kid. 7-31-2017 10:52am
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              • i have faith he'll be ok. best of luck. 7-31-2017 10:54am
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                • Thank you. I do too. Just a bit sad for him today, since I just found out that his friend is repeating K this morning. 7-31-2017 10:55am
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                  • i'd be glad that's not my kid 7-31-2017 10:56am
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                    • np: What an asshole thing to say to an OP. 7-31-2017 10:57am
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                      • i meant the repeating kid, asshole 7-31-2017 10:57am
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                        • ^ meaning HER kid is doing fine and i'd be happy about that. GFYS. 7-31-2017 10:58am
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        • friendships are so fluid at that age. he'll have new friends in his class this fall, and again next year in 2nd. some will last for years but most won't. and by 3rd, being a few...(more) 7-31-2017 10:51am
          months younger matters a lot less.
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          • Thank you! I appreciate some perspective. I don't feel like I have a great grasp about how friendships work among young boys. 7-31-2017 10:56am
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    • nothing. he'll be fine 7-31-2017 10:46am
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    • Does he need help? You said he found his footing 7-31-2017 10:47am
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      • He did. He is still a bit of a pessimist, saying kids don't like him. But when I speak to teachers/camp counselors they say he gets along great with others. I think its just...(more) 7-31-2017 10:49am
        that he doesn't really have a few tight buddies. Like the 3 kids who are in K this year - when DS hangs out with them, I know he feels good/accepted.
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        • he'll be fine as long as you don't impart your anxiety onto him 7-31-2017 10:51am
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          • Thx. I try to stay out of it. But it sucks when he sees his older sister having play dates, and he wants them as well. 7-31-2017 10:53am
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            • so ask for them! or meet the mom at the park! 7-31-2017 10:54am
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              • I do, but see above. Many of the kids think DS is weird/difficult based on their experiences with him when he was younger. Hoping things improve in two weeks, and he meets some...(more) 7-31-2017 10:58am
                new kids in his class.
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                • so they say no? 7-31-2017 10:58am
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                  • ^ maybe they are just busy! 7-31-2017 10:58am
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                    • Well, no one is rude and says "no my kid doesn't like your kid." Typical response is like the one I got this weekend, after DS asked for a play date w/a kid in his class that he...(more) 7-31-2017 11:02am
                      hasn't seen since June. "E has been exhausted when he gets home from camp so week day play dates are tough. We are away most weekends in August. Hope you guys are doing well!" But in September, or on a day when the kids dont' have school, I will get the exact same response. You get the same brush off from people 3-4x, you start to understand they are really communicating that they (or their DC) doesn't want the play date.
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                      • im sorry. but keep trying the other kids. how many k classes are there? will there be diff kids in the mix? 7-31-2017 11:03am
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                        • ^ NOT from his pre school? 7-31-2017 11:03am
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                        • There are 5 classes, and I did speak to principal about mixing things up for him in 1st grade. In K, they try to keep kids w/others from their preschools, to help w/transitions...(more) 7-31-2017 11:05am
                          to elementary school. So I do hope things will improve once school starts.
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                          • no reason they can't mix it up for him now 7-31-2017 11:05am
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                            • ^if you really want that, i'd push for it 7-31-2017 11:06am
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                              • ^ alhtough there are bound to be enough new kids, right? 7-31-2017 11:07am
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    • help him do what? he sounds fine. you sound messed up. 7-31-2017 10:47am
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      • She didn't mess up. She sent him to school when he was supposed to go. She didn't redshirt him 7-31-2017 10:48am
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        • im saying shes the one who sounds messed up emotionally. the kid sounds fine! 7-31-2017 10:49am
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        • Np: re-read 7-31-2017 10:49am
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    • why are you looking for trouble? 7-31-2017 10:49am
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    • I wish we had held back our October DS 7-31-2017 10:49am
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      • Holding back was the best thing I could have done for my ds 7-31-2017 10:59am
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        • ^ of course he started shaving in 4th grade, but we managed that with an electric razor 7-31-2017 10:59am
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          • Aw jealous 7-31-2017 11:00am
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            • yes, i'm jealous that your 10 yr old shaves 7-31-2017 11:03am
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              • You are jealous. It's weird. Young, runny kid? 7-31-2017 11:04am
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                • ^runty 7-31-2017 11:04am
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                  • lol yes sure if it makes you feel better. 7-31-2017 11:04am
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                    • Sure, sure. Yiu siubd so well adjusted yourself 7-31-2017 11:06am
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                      • go die somewhere, please. really. just make it quick. 7-31-2017 11:07am
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                        • Yes, you do sound normal @@ 7-31-2017 11:09am
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    • You don't need to do anything. He will be fine. 7-31-2017 10:50am
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      • ^and FWIW most 5 year old boys do not have anything like friends. They play with kids at school. Done. 7-31-2017 10:50am
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        • Good to know. My older DD had a bestie in preK and K, and is an extremely social kid. DS wants to have friends over the way she does. 7-31-2017 10:54am
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          • I HATE THE WORD BESTIE 7-31-2017 10:54am
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          • you're going to make this kid crazy 7-31-2017 10:55am
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          • You just invite kids from class over. Youa re makign this WAY too hard. 7-31-2017 10:59am
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            • And when the parents of the kids from class keep saying "so sorry, we are just SOOO busy"' - rinse and repeat - what do you do then? 7-31-2017 11:03am
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              • Let it go. They are only 5. It's not a big deal 7-31-2017 11:03am
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              • Maybe they are too busy. 7-31-2017 11:13am
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    • How does a 5yo with 3 close friends fit into the "struggles socially" definition? Do you just want him to be with those friends? TThis doesn't make sense. 7-31-2017 10:51am
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      • NP he'll make new friends. It's K. they have the memory capacity of a spatula 7-31-2017 10:52am
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    • You did the right thing. Your ds will find friends. Unless the other kids had specific issues, they will soon realize red shirting has no return long term 7-31-2017 10:56am
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      • Except studies prove kids who delayed k do better emotionally 7-31-2017 11:00am
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        • eVERYBODY IN THE RED SHIRT POOL! 7-31-2017 11:00am
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        • False 7-31-2017 11:09am
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    • You choose to send him - felt it was the right thing to do. I'm not sure what you are upset about. 7-31-2017 11:02am
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    • funny, in MN that wouldn't have been a choice for you. cut off date is sept 1 7-31-2017 11:03am
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      • In many areas it is not a choice. In this town around 50% of boys are red shirted. I wish there was just a clear deadline and everyone stuck to it. 7-31-2017 11:07am
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        • It doesn't matter. I have older kids. Trust me. 7-31-2017 11:07am
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  23. Toddler This post has been disliked 3 times. showOk the redshirting and college threads got me thinking - my kids are fall birthdays, so they are the youngest in the grade. This may be a VERY stupid Q but do you think it would...(more) 7-18-2017 11:31am (42 replies)
    be better for them to stay in the northeast/SUNY type school where it is more likely that there will be plenty of other 17 year olds starting college? I'm picturing them going to college in like Texas where the graduating seniors are 19 years old and then them being just so much younger.
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    • i dont think this would be a factor in my decision 7-18-2017 11:32am
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    • NY is full of redshirted dc 7-18-2017 11:32am
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      • No more so than in other states where they redshirt a kid born in May 7-18-2017 11:33am
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    • better weather in texas 7-18-2017 11:33am
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    • wtf? 7-18-2017 11:33am
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    • I think it is a legit question 7-18-2017 11:34am
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      • For a mommy. No to a 17-19 yo 7-18-2017 11:36am
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        • well I'm a mommy so I'm asking 7-18-2017 11:36am
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          • But you're not the one applying to college. 7-18-2017 11:37am
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    • Don't worry about that at all. 7-18-2017 11:34am
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    • Where did you get your data on Texas graduation ages? Your ass? 7-18-2017 11:35am
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      • yes, my ass provides much good data 7-18-2017 11:35am
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      • She is likely correct. 7-18-2017 11:35am
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      • NP My relatives are in Indiana. They changed the cutoffs to July to stop the rampant redshirting and people still did it. 7-18-2017 11:35am
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        • Only in fairly affluent areas do people do this. I doubt that is why they changed the cut off. More likely educators pushed for the change because curriculum has changed so much...(more) 7-18-2017 11:39am
          Since the intial cut off dates were imposed.
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      • Do you deny that there are very few 17 year old entering freshman other than those from NY and CT? 7-18-2017 11:36am
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        • Rest of the country has aug or sept cutoff dates. So 17 is pretty impossible. That doesn't mean 19 is typical. 7-18-2017 11:38am
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        • Guys, you're talking about 6-12 month age difference, by and large. Why do you supoose this will matter at that age and in college? Can ANYONE answer this? 7-18-2017 11:40am
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      • And this is why I keep coming back. You made me spit out my pretzel! 7-18-2017 12:19pm
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    • WHy would someone dislike this? Its not a CRAAAZY thought. I woudln't factor it into my decision but it isn't dislike worthy at all 7-18-2017 11:35am
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      • A lot of people feel mad rage they couldn't or wouldn't redshirt their dc when they know it would have been best for them. 7-18-2017 11:37am
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        • OP here. I don't have mad rage. My kids are doing well, I have no issues. The whole 17 year question got me thinking about it. Yes it would be weird if the kids were THAT much...(more) 7-18-2017 11:38am
          older.
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          • Not you, the people freaking out that you would even ask this. 7-18-2017 11:39am
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            • I would like anyone posting here to say why it would be a problem for an average 17,18,19 yo. 7-18-2017 11:41am
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          • Why is that a big deal? My kids will all be 18 August of college fresh year 7-18-2017 11:45am
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      • It is dislike worthy, IMO, which you'll understand when your kid is in college. Np. 7-18-2017 11:38am
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        • I have a college student but thanks 7-18-2017 11:39am
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          • Ok, a 7-18-2017 11:41am
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            • .so why is this a concern? Does your college kid have a difficult time mixing with kids older or younger? Mine doesn't. 7-18-2017 11:42am
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    • people at Rice and SMU come from all over the country 7-18-2017 11:35am
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    • Texas is out for us because of the concealed weapons on campus law. 7-18-2017 11:36am
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      • not at the private schools 7-18-2017 11:38am
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    • What is the problem that needs solving? I'm not sure I understand why a 17yo can't be classmate/friends with 18 yo 7-18-2017 11:37am
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    • My dd is starting college at an out of state school at 17. The only thing that will be a problem is when all her friends turn 21 a year ahead of her. 7-18-2017 11:39am
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      • That is really young. 7-18-2017 11:40am
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        • She's used to being the youngest. Started Kindergarten at 4. 7-18-2017 11:46am
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          • ditto, mom of 13yo below 7-18-2017 11:54am
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    • does.not.matter. 7-18-2017 11:41am
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      • How DARE you say this to a few bent out of shape moms who defend the problem but cannot for the life of them explain the problem. 7-18-2017 11:43am
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    • A 19 yo college freshman and a 17 yo HS junior might not be in synch. Two kids that just finished high school and are starting college will likely be in synch. 7-18-2017 11:44am
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    • I don't see the problem as dc has been the youngest throughout school years. Signed, mom of 13yo dd starting 9th grade in August (turns 14 in mid-November). FWIW, her dad started...(more) 7-18-2017 11:53am
      college at 17 and did just fine.
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  24. Toddler Redshirting DS question...(more) 7-18-2017 11:23am (11 replies)
    Redshirting question -- If DS is entering private K at 6 and a few years later we move to public, does public assume since you came from, for example, 2nd grade, you will be put into 3rd grade OR does public assume since you will be 9 in September you will be placed into 4th grade? DH insists public school absolutely goes by what was the last grade DS was in. I say it depends on how hard the parents push and convince -- it's possible DS can be in 2nd grade in private and then go to 4th grade in public. TIA for your thoughts!
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    • Your DH is correct. 7-18-2017 11:24am
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    • if ds finishes second grade and move to public he will be put in 3rd. don;t worry. we have a lot of this in my public...(more) 7-18-2017 11:24am
      (bronxville)
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      • ^it's so crazy pervasive here that I had to have my dc REPEAT bc she was so much younger than classmates! 7-18-2017 11:27am
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    • After 1st grade or so they go by grade completed 7-18-2017 11:24am
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    • No, public will put him in the next grade, not make him skip 7-18-2017 11:24am
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    • Your DH is right. Its nuts, there's this 10th grader in DS's class who is like a freaking MAN he's like 2 years older. Ludicrous. Came from a NYC private. 7-18-2017 11:25am
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      • Yeah my friend redshirted her March (!) birthday in private for K then switched him to public in 2nd. He's so much older. 7-18-2017 11:26am
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        • haha my friend redshirted her girl, she got her period before they even had scheduled the stupid puberty meeting. 7-18-2017 11:29am
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      • Lol 7-18-2017 11:28am
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    • They don't skip anyone anymore like they did years ago 7-18-2017 11:26am
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    • - no subject -...(more) 7-18-2017 11:29am
      Thanks everyone for your responses!
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  25. Toddler Regarding redshirting- I dislike it as a matter of course, but I didn't redshirt my late July boy (Aug 25 cutoff) and he isn't meeting any standards despite being pulled out...(more) 6-23-2017 3:10pm (53 replies)
    for extra reading help. We are moving and all his teachers agree that it's a great opportunity.
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    • this is the issue. for your individual child it might make sense to repeat that year. bc for him, this will impact his whole education up the line. 6-23-2017 3:10pm
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      • you should just recall K school readiness class. All kids start within the cut off and in March, the parents and the school make as assessment whether the kid is ready for 1st...(more) 6-23-2017 3:12pm
        grade.
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    • ^repeating 3rd grade btw and youngest in his class 6-23-2017 3:10pm
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      • i know a teacher who had her 1st grader repeat. it was clear that it was necessary, and the sooner you do it, the better off you all are 6-23-2017 3:11pm
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        • My ds is supposed to be going into 4th and we are keeping him back because we are switching schools 6-23-2017 3:11pm
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    • Lots of schools have a 12/1 cutoff, in which case, it would be silly to redshirt your son. 6-23-2017 3:11pm
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      • Right, but ours is late August. 6-23-2017 3:12pm
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        • Her point is that even if your cuttoff was later, your kid still wouldn't be meeting the standards. 6-23-2017 3:12pm
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          • Eh. This young there's a huge range of reading ability anyay 6-23-2017 3:13pm
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            • What does that have to do with redshirting this kid? 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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              • see below -she wishes she did redshirt him and is going to when they move 6-23-2017 3:15pm
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                • But if there's a huge range of reading ability, he could have been within that range even if she did. 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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          • op- other kids might be where he is too, or younger. He's the youngest. 6-23-2017 3:15pm
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            • Things have gotten insane. Last July is not a late birthday! 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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              • It is for a late August cutoff, like we have -op 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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        • but you said that you are moving - does your new town also have an August cutoff? 6-23-2017 3:13pm
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          • Yes- Sept 1st 6-23-2017 3:15pm
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    • I wish we could have kept my rising senior - November birthday - back 6-23-2017 3:12pm
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      • You can always take a gap year if he's not mature enough for college yet. 6-24-2017 1:24pm
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    • I work at a school in the reading resource room and 2/3s of the 1st graders who come to us for reading intervention are July, August, or September birthdays (cutoff is Sep. 30). I...(more) 6-23-2017 3:12pm
      think these parents should consider holding back another year, to be honest. They are just young and not ready for the first grade expectations, but they are starting to feel like the "dumb" kids.
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      • Well you can thank the ridiculous Common Core nonsense for this 6-23-2017 3:13pm
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        • op- we had issues pre-Common Core 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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        • it was like this before Common Core too. 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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          • no it wasn't. The requirements and standards in the younger years are far more rigorous than they are with the CC 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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            • at my school, it has been like this for years. I wish they would change the cutoff so you have to be 5 the day you start K 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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        • not really, they are just being compared to older kids. 6-23-2017 3:15pm
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          • no, that's not true. The standards are different 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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        • This, our K teachers told us that the common core standards for K were designed for the typical 6 yo. About a third of kids here enter K before their Sept.-Dec. 5th birthdays. 6-24-2017 1:26pm
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      • op- yes this is us. And the reading issue is creeping over into being able to problem solve in Math due to the reading involved. His teachers think it's a chance to "right the...(more) 6-23-2017 3:13pm
        ship"
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        • I agree with them. I really worry about my first graders who are still six starting 2nd grade in the fall, with so much more expected of them. 6-23-2017 3:15pm
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          • and yet. most are doing great in 3rd grade 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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            • some are, but most of the third graders who come for intervention are young for their grade too. 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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          • Eh, I posted below that my October ds has done great. He just finished elementary school at age 10 and got all 4s on his report card. 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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            • of course, some younger students do fine, and some older students struggle. But I believe if they are not ready, they are not ready. 6-23-2017 3:17pm
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              • I think that's true but I think many people think all kids should be held back, and I definitely don't think that's the case. 6-23-2017 3:18pm
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                • Op. That's my point. I feel the same and did t redshirt my son, and now we are holding him back in 3rd 6-23-2017 3:34pm
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                  • repeating in third is way more traumatic than earlier. 6-23-2017 3:38pm
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                    • Op. We are moving. Would not have done it otherwise 6-23-2017 4:06pm
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      • they catch up. I was an October birthday baby (december cut-off) who got reading intervention in 1st grade). I graduated valect. in 8th grade. 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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        • 8th grade valedictorian?? What an honor. 6-23-2017 3:26pm
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        • They don't all catch up. My dh and my brother are both oct bday. Neither ever felt confident in school and both struggled through graduation. Some kids need another year. 6-23-2017 3:31pm
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      • I live in CT with a 12/31 cuttoff. DS was late Oct. bday and we sent him and he's done great, in the top reading and math classes (his school groups kids). However, I've seen...(more) 6-23-2017 3:15pm
        Nov. and Dec. boys get held back, and it's usually in first grade, not K.
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      • Yet the vast majority catch up 6-23-2017 3:36pm
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    • We didn't redshirt and my dd had to repeat K (at the schools recommendation). She a high school senior now and thriving academically. She's always had to work hard to make good...(more) 6-23-2017 3:14pm
      grades but she loves school. I think if we had pushed her ahead she would have been frustrated and not as motivated to succeed.
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      • op- I see this happening with my ds, who is very easygoing by nature. I think if he has the chance to be in the lead it will help his confidence and success 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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        • It will. Changing schools is the perfect time to do it. We also changed dd's school and her friends were none the wiser to her repeating although it's never been a secret. 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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    • is redhsirting a relatively new phenomenon? I remember as a kid, that my friend's parents were trying to do the opposite. 6-23-2017 3:14pm
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      • op- it was much more common to push kids ahead but some would get held back. 6-23-2017 3:16pm
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    • It's stupid to call it "redshirting" when it's being done for a legit academic/developmental reason. FTR, I have one August kid (9/1 cutoff) who I didn't hold back and anothe...(more) 6-23-2017 3:25pm
      who I did hold back. Happy with both decisions -- #! is a rising 9th grader and #2 is a rising 5th grader. Both doing well.
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    • I have not heard anyone disparage someone for redshirting. 6-23-2017 3:28pm
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      • except for OP! 6-23-2017 3:38pm
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    • Your stance that you "dislike it as a matter of course" is annoying. So you disapprove as a matter of course when people make decisions for their dc, presumably with great...(more) 6-23-2017 3:35pm
      thought, and input from teachers. Then when your dc is struggling and having a negative experience b/c he's too young you consider it ok. If you hadn't been so judgemental maybe you would have spared your dc a school experience that will impact him for a long time to come.
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    • Here's the thing--if your child is struggling in this way, he probably would have had the same challenges if he'd been pre-emptively held back and started school late. (That's...(more) 6-24-2017 1:23pm
      what redshirting is, holding a child back pre-emptively on the assumption they'd fail if they started school on time according to the rules.)
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