Toddler
- Toddler I'm still shaking from my interaction with my dh yesterday. I have so much hate in my heart for him. I wish he would move out yet I'm afraid of facing society as a divorcee
- what happened? and what society are you in that getting divorced would be an issue?
- Does it have to do with you or your dc?
- what happened? and what society are you in that getting divorced would be an issue?
- Toddler Is there any way to find out what police were doing on CPW in the nineties on saturday arresting someone?
- ^^ i mean, why they were arresting the individual? Is there like a blotter somewhere?
- yes
- can you share? tia.
- yes
- ^^ i mean, why they were arresting the individual? Is there like a blotter somewhere?
- Toddler Went to bed at 10, but dh came home at 1 and woke me up and now he's sound asleep and I can't sleep. Ugh
- Toddler Anyone here?
- ^^I need to talk something out and I don't know anyone who's awake.
- Hi
- i am what's up?
- Where'd you go? :(
- I caught DH lying about something. I was away with DC overnight. He had a woman in the apartment for a drink. I don't know her. He lied when I asked him about it, but then I...(more)
- ^^He said he should have told me about the visitor, but is otherwise unrepentant. I actually don't care about the visitor. I care about the lying.
- I'd tell the therapist and let him or her have a go at dh. That's a deal breaker for me. If he lied
- Something deeper wrong
- She said that their marriage was already in the crapper.
- so what?
- I was just saying that she already said that there IS something deeper wrong. This is just the latest thing.
- Right but a therapist will run with this and flush out shit for her hopefully that her dh would m it otherwise talk about
- OP: That's what I'm hoping, but she's going to ask me what I want, and frankly, I don't know. I want to keep it together for DC, but I hate being lied to.
- Right but a therapist will run with this and flush out shit for her hopefully that her dh would m it otherwise talk about
- I was just saying that she already said that there IS something deeper wrong. This is just the latest thing.
- so what?
- She said that their marriage was already in the crapper.
- On the one hand, I say to myself if you don't have trust you have nothing, and we don't trust each other. On the other hand, we have a kid. People endure worse.
- ^^OP, btw.
- Something deeper wrong
- How did you find out?
- Midlife crisis. Talk to him frankly. It's not about the woman but himself.
- ^^I need to talk something out and I don't know anyone who's awake.
- Toddler So there are no apps to tell who has been looking at your FB page, right?
- nope
- No. No Santa Clause either. Hate to be the one to break it to you.
- Fuck no
- LinkedIn tells you who was looking. Facebook doesn't.
- only a matter of ti
- time
- Toddler I'm pretty sure my friends new boyfriend is flirting with me and trying to get us into a threesome. Pretty sure. But she (and I) are definitely not into it in any way.
- Toddler DH here: my DW has clearly lost all interest in sex. Is this fixable, or am I just screwed?
- DW here and I have the same situation. Wish I had an answer for ya.
- Are you the one without interest? Or is your DH?
- DH. But after this long, I've kinda lost interest too, at least in him. Sad but true.
- Are you the one without interest? Or is your DH?
- sounds like you're not screwed
- Not getting laid isn't so bad. it is the disengaged "duty sex" that drives me to despair
- I am a dw who has a dh who wants constant sex. I have sex twice a week with him. he is not happy with that.
- DW here and I have the same situation. Wish I had an answer for ya.
- Toddler How would you discipline a child who said, "shut up" to his teachers?
- he can go to his room to write a letter of apology for teacher
- Toddler I have completely fallen in love with a fat woman. Unexpected.
- huh. I did fall for a chubby woman once, kind of surprised me.
- She is amazing. Beautiful. Funny. Can't get her out of my mind. Love every minute I spend with her.
- well I got together with my chubby woman and she dropped the weight and was incredibly fit...
- She is amazing. Beautiful. Funny. Can't get her out of my mind. Love every minute I spend with her.
- huh. I did fall for a chubby woman once, kind of surprised me.
- Toddler My friend has brothers named hans and franz
- lol
- Toddler For fucks sake. For fucks sake. Thats all...
- Toddler Is 'JAP' int the smae catagory as 'dirty Jew' or not as bad?
- Were you called a jap or something?
- actually I was called a dirty kike, which is much nastier to me
- Luckily you're not gay, or else you could be called a dirty kike dyke
- lol
- Luckily you're not gay, or else you could be called a dirty kike dyke
- actually I was called a dirty kike, which is much nastier to me
- I guess it's not quite as bad
- Def not as bad. Not great, although also "JAP" is often used by Jewish people who probably think it's OK.
- It's not.
- Def not as bad. Not great, although also "JAP" is often used by Jewish people who probably think it's OK.
- Were you called a jap or something?
- Toddler I'm sure I'm late to the party, but Kaidence? Ugh! There are, btw at least two kaden/kadences in every grade k-3 in the title one school I work in. Not to mention the Jayden's and
- Is that confirmed?
- Not confirmed
- not TITLE ONE!!!
- I doubt this is the real name, but also "Kaidence West" has too many "S" sounds. Not a very nice... cadence.
- Toddler Chronic, horrible procrastinator. WHY? Serious question.
- Figure it out tomorrow
- op BTDT ;)
- Fear of failure and denial of consequences
- op Thanks, can you elaborate on "denial of consequences"? It's not like I don't realize it holds me back. I generally come through in the clutch, but that's not always good...(more)
- I do best when under serious pressure- the anxiety jumpstarts my frontal lobe
- op I do too. But I am so tired of things hanging over my head. Now see it in DC which upsets me even more...
- then create a small list of tasks to tackle each day and set aside a time in the day to do them.
- ^^and ritilan can help :-)
- Thanks. Not interested in meds. Have done the list thing, and I seem pathologically gifted at avoiding what I should be doing. Kinda like now...
- ^^and ritilan can help :-)
- then create a small list of tasks to tackle each day and set aside a time in the day to do them.
- op I do too. But I am so tired of things hanging over my head. Now see it in DC which upsets me even more...
- Figure it out tomorrow
- Toddler Is JAP a derogatory term? IMO yes but what do other people think?
- Yes
- Of course
- I vaguely remember T-shirts in the 1990s, "Kill the JAP"
- OP sorry I mean Jewish American Princess not a Jap.
- me too
- np - Hey OP - fuck you
- wtf
- What did you mean by "not a Jap"?
- slur for japanese is Jap and not JAP. np
- Yes and the OP used a slur but doesn't seem to realize it.
- sigh, you are an idiot
- np--I don't think she's really even that stupid. She's looking for any excuse to fight
- lol, no she was differentiating that one is an acronym and other isn't. jeez
- sigh, you are an idiot
- Yes and the OP used a slur but doesn't seem to realize it.
- are you drunk? Do you think she'd just casually use a slur in the context of asking about another slur?
- I assume she meant Japanese. She didn't mean it to be rude. One is short for something one is an acronym. You seem to be just looking for a fight
- OP yes, I didn't mean to call anyone a "Jap", I would never do that, I was only clarifying which slur I meant. Not using it if that makes sense.
- It makes sense to everyone but that idiot
- OK because I was worried I offended a bunch of people, obviously calling a Japanese person that is wrong,
- nope, just one idiot
- OK because I was worried I offended a bunch of people, obviously calling a Japanese person that is wrong,
- Idiot here - In that case, I would say, in the future, I meant Jewish American Princess and not Japanese
- just go away
- ditto--just go
- How was it NOT obvious what they meant?
- Sigh. I know what was meant but the OP - either inadvertently or whatever - used a slur by saying "jap" instead of "japanese". That is all.
- No, you wanted to fight. You were trying to cause a pile on to OP. But you were being an ass
- Not at all. I wanted the OP, after my post, to say "Oops - sorry"
- she was talking ABOUT slurs- she wasnt using a slur against someone.
- Forget it. Mea culpa - OK?
- if you mean it, ok. Let people TALK- we cant shut them down and wag our fingers all the time and expect any progress
- Forget it. Mea culpa - OK?
- And you needed to tell her to fuck off to get that? What is wrong with you?
- she has nothing to apologize for
- she was talking ABOUT slurs- she wasnt using a slur against someone.
- Not at all. I wanted the OP, after my post, to say "Oops - sorry"
- If you knew what was meant why tell her to fuck off?
- Because she used a racial slur
- No, she didn't
- Because she used a racial slur
- ugh. she also used a slur then in her op in order to discuss it! You need to use terms to have open discussion. Theres no point at all with trying to silence people especially...(more)
- OP sorry I should have been more careful in the way I phrased it, I did not mean for it to come off that way to anyone because I would never call a Japanese person that. Like...(more)
- Don't apologize to her. She was looking for a fight.
- just want to point out that's not the oversensitive OR!
- Thank you. I realize now that you didn't mean it that way, but you can read that post differently and that's all I was reacting to. That's all. Thanks again.
- You're an ass
- lol, stop apologizing- I'm defending you :-) You are fine.
- Thank you :) it's sort of funny, I typed it out fast then stepped away from the computer for a sec and thought omg what drama have I started.
- ^I mean when I came back to the computer and saw it. I think it's past my bedtime if I can't think straight lol.
- you never know on YBM- this happens to me all the time
- Thank you :) it's sort of funny, I typed it out fast then stepped away from the computer for a sec and thought omg what drama have I started.
- Don't apologize to her. She was looking for a fight.
- OP sorry I should have been more careful in the way I phrased it, I did not mean for it to come off that way to anyone because I would never call a Japanese person that. Like...(more)
- No, you wanted to fight. You were trying to cause a pile on to OP. But you were being an ass
- Sigh. I know what was meant but the OP - either inadvertently or whatever - used a slur by saying "jap" instead of "japanese". That is all.
- attacking and chiding particularly in the context of an obvious misunderstanding doesnt help anyone.
- just go away
- It makes sense to everyone but that idiot
- OP yes, I didn't mean to call anyone a "Jap", I would never do that, I was only clarifying which slur I meant. Not using it if that makes sense.
- slur for japanese is Jap and not JAP. np
- What did you mean by "not a Jap"?
- wtf
- That's rather misogynistic
- OP sorry I mean Jewish American Princess not a Jap.
- oh yes
- yes, although Ive heard jewish people use this term liberally
- NP: I've mostly heard Jews use "Jap" and "Jappy"
- we're allowed to.
- it's meant the same way regardless of who uses it
- I never have
- Either meaning is derogatory.
- Toddler I had plans to visit my sister while we are on the east coast this summer. she got mad at me about 1 month ago and has not talked to me. shall i assume i am disinvited??? i can't...(more)
- Reach out with an email or phone call and try to smooth things over
- the wording would be....??? i feel so pissed that she has been so rude to me by not accepting my apology that i am not sure if i want to see her because she wil be rude to me. her...(more)
- Say 'hey there. Firming up summer plans. If you still are interested, I will come as planned. Otherwise, see you next trip'
- np: this seems good
- I have two sisters and we routinely are not speaking. Btdt
- op. so how do you handle it? it is so childish to me.
- We dont speak until we have to. Nobody discusses or apologizes. Myn sisters are really done with each other at this point
- op. so how do you handle it? it is so childish to me.
- I have two sisters and we routinely are not speaking. Btdt
- hmmm... and if she says 1. nothing 2. no 3. well, what do you think....how should i respond
- Nothing means you dont visit. No is no- you'll have an answer. What do you think is your call
- np: this seems good
- Say 'hey there. Firming up summer plans. If you still are interested, I will come as planned. Otherwise, see you next trip'
- the wording would be....??? i feel so pissed that she has been so rude to me by not accepting my apology that i am not sure if i want to see her because she wil be rude to me. her...(more)
- What was she mad about?
- is there a parent alive to mediate?
- Reach out with an email or phone call and try to smooth things over
- Toddler I need to divorce my dh--I'm a SAHM, though, and we owe probably $250k from his failed business. Where do I even begin?
- Bankruptcy and divorce
- I think you need a job and a consult with a lawyer.
- Why do you need to divorce him?
- we are SOOO different in our parenting styles, and, well, I can't stand being with him anymore. We've been through too much shit--can't recover
- np Are you the same one who's angry b/c your dh didn't put DC to bed on time?
- Yes--this goes very deep....
- So when he has them by himself for weekends/weeks on end you can ignore his style?
- np Are you the same one who's angry b/c your dh didn't put DC to bed on time?
- we are SOOO different in our parenting styles, and, well, I can't stand being with him anymore. We've been through too much shit--can't recover
- Get a job
- Toddler I am SO fucking pissed at my dh. We have such different personalities and parenting styles. Went out to a friend's house tonight to help her move some furniture. I got home at...(more)
- Can't you guys just have an official bedtime?
- We do! But dh told me it's not written down anywhere, so he can't enforce it
- Okay that's lame. Maybe he just doesn't care if they go to bed or not.
- well, write it on a piece of paer and tape it on th fridge
- We do! But dh told me it's not written down anywhere, so he can't enforce it
- that sucks but why can't you remind him each time he is alone with them at bed time? "Bob, I'm leaving so please feed them X at X and make sure they get to bed at X."
- He's a fucking moron if he can't figure this out when the OP is out of the house
- or: yes he is but so what, he might follow through and then Op won't be as stressed.
- He's a fucking moron if he can't figure this out when the OP is out of the house
- If your kids are 12 it should be clear to them what time bedtime is
- I went postal on them, for which I'm not proud, and told them this. My 10 yo told me she thought it was an adult's job to make sure they were in bed bc she doesn't keep track of...(more)
- 10 yos can CERTAINLY know and abide by time but send dh a text
- Seriously? Do you know 10 yo's (i have an 8 yo, too), who routinely watch the clock so they know when it's 'lights out'?
- Mine are 11 and they know at 9:30 its off to get ready for bed
- Do they check the clock, or do you tell them "It's 9:30; time to go upstairs and get ready for bed"
- They are pretty i d about getting themselves in to bed. When I go out dh watches tv downstairs while they are yo. They get tired and go to bed
- Do they check the clock, or do you tell them "It's 9:30; time to go upstairs and get ready for bed"
- Mine are 11 and they know at 9:30 its off to get ready for bed
- Seriously? Do you know 10 yo's (i have an 8 yo, too), who routinely watch the clock so they know when it's 'lights out'?
- no, what your kid is doing, is trying to get your dh in trouble. and so when you divorce, she will ;ater feel responsible for your breakup
- 10 yos can CERTAINLY know and abide by time but send dh a text
- I went postal on them, for which I'm not proud, and told them this. My 10 yo told me she thought it was an adult's job to make sure they were in bed bc she doesn't keep track of...(more)
- I am not on dh's side, but if you know that he is like this, write it down for him. Send him a text, or call him to check in. My dh has similar tendencies, but hates when I "nag"...(more)
- I guess I just HATE that I literally have to write shit down for a supposedly smart adult. He wants me to write 'a first draft' of ALL of the house rules. Who does this? Anyone...(more)
- honey, I will absolutely write down the household rules. But, if I wrtie them , the will not be a first draft. They will be THE RULES ( fwiw, writing rule is a great ool for...(more)
- My dh wants to go through them with me when done. He says he has veto power; we'll go through them, and any we agree to will become 'law'. I HATE him
- tell him to write the rules and you do the veto
- At the end of the conversation, that's what I told him. He then threw a barb at me, saying, "Well, it's going to take awhile. I'm pretty busy at work. Sounds like you're too b...(more)
- I would be insanely angry
- honey, I don;t come in and veto your rules and critique your work at YOUR job; you dont get to do it at mine.
- that actually made me LOL--thanks ;)
- At the end of the conversation, that's what I told him. He then threw a barb at me, saying, "Well, it's going to take awhile. I'm pretty busy at work. Sounds like you're too b...(more)
- Honey, I told you what ot say and do. Say it to him nicely, and explain that is is for his benefit and the benefit of a smooth running family. BTW, my guess is he is tooo lazy...(more)
- tell him to write the rules and you do the veto
- My dh wants to go through them with me when done. He says he has veto power; we'll go through them, and any we agree to will become 'law'. I HATE him
- that is passive aggressive and infuriating
- That's ridiculous. He is putting all the weight and responsibilities of being a parent (and adult) on you. I think you guys need therapy.
- That's what I told him; I said it's perfectly okay for him to tell the kids it's bedtime when I'm not home. He said, "We don't have a bedtime rule; if we do, I'd lik...(more)
- stop trying to change him and just give him a time when you are out. Men are like doggies. Give him the rule, keep it simple, praise for getting ti right. the end.
- I'm not trying to change him; he's trying to change me, imo. I'm not the type of person who writes everything down, the way he wants it. In his mind, if we don't have WRITTEN...(more)
- just write it down. it isn't that big a deal and you will be so mauch happier if the kids are in bed. if he doesn't do it, then you can really complain. "Im not the sort of...(more)
- I'm not trying to change him; he's trying to change me, imo. I'm not the type of person who writes everything down, the way he wants it. In his mind, if we don't have WRITTEN...(more)
- stop trying to change him and just give him a time when you are out. Men are like doggies. Give him the rule, keep it simple, praise for getting ti right. the end.
- That's what I told him; I said it's perfectly okay for him to tell the kids it's bedtime when I'm not home. He said, "We don't have a bedtime rule; if we do, I'd lik...(more)
- honey, I will absolutely write down the household rules. But, if I wrtie them , the will not be a first draft. They will be THE RULES ( fwiw, writing rule is a great ool for...(more)
- I guess I just HATE that I literally have to write shit down for a supposedly smart adult. He wants me to write 'a first draft' of ALL of the house rules. Who does this? Anyone...(more)
- Do they have school tomorrow? Not letting dh off the hook, but is it that big a deal if they stay up late in the summer?
- My dd's have camp in the morning. I was out at my friend's house last night helping her, too, and dh didn't put them to bed. This morning was a fucking nightmare
- Really not flaming here but you sound so angry about things that are honestly not that awful.
- I'm VERY angry--yes. I'm angry that for 12 years of parenting, he still can't truly make a decision about how to parent. Says that because I haven't made up the rules, he doesn...(more)
- Well that's obviously an issue. But try and separate the macro from the micro. GL.
- he has made decisons, but you don;t agree with them,, just set the rules and write them down.
- I'm VERY angry--yes. I'm angry that for 12 years of parenting, he still can't truly make a decision about how to parent. Says that because I haven't made up the rules, he doesn...(more)
- Really not flaming here but you sound so angry about things that are honestly not that awful.
- My dd's have camp in the morning. I was out at my friend's house last night helping her, too, and dh didn't put them to bed. This morning was a fucking nightmare
- Can't you guys just have an official bedtime?
- Toddler I am so exhausted today from trying to discipline my challenging child.
- I have so btdt. You have my sympathy.
- thanks. I have so had it today.
- My oldest is extremely difficult to parent. He's 11. We are moving into a better place, but it has been tough coming. It can be exhausting & confidence-shattering.
- it really is. one of the hardest things is when you feel like the attachment or connection is broken - like you feel like they don't love you.
- And I think it becomes hard to like them. I don't know about you but my ds used to just upend the whole household--took 75% of the energy. So difficult.
- ^^I'm headed to bed but I'm going to sticky just in case you want to chat or touch base later.
- thank you :-) I appreciate your responding
- ^my DH is often out of town so it's all on me. it's rough sometiems.
- thank you :-) I appreciate your responding
- ^^I'm headed to bed but I'm going to sticky just in case you want to chat or touch base later.
- And I think it becomes hard to like them. I don't know about you but my ds used to just upend the whole household--took 75% of the energy. So difficult.
- it really is. one of the hardest things is when you feel like the attachment or connection is broken - like you feel like they don't love you.
- My oldest is extremely difficult to parent. He's 11. We are moving into a better place, but it has been tough coming. It can be exhausting & confidence-shattering.
- thanks. I have so had it today.
- I have so btdt. You have my sympathy.
- Toddler What is your opinion of sororities? Did you join one? Would you encourage your dd to join one?
- Seems fun, I didnt join, I would let dd do whatever they wanted
- I probably would have joined one if I had gone to a traditional college. It would be an easy way for me to make friends
- I joined one, I would not encourage DD. I'm split, bc I thought it was such a stupid experience. However, I met a couple of really close friends (who also thought it was...(more)
- ^i really did not like how everyone's voices went up an octave during sorority happenings. it really makes me cringe to hear women speak with unnaturally high voices, now. why do...(more)
- good question!!
- ^i really did not like how everyone's voices went up an octave during sorority happenings. it really makes me cringe to hear women speak with unnaturally high voices, now. why do...(more)
- It totally depends on the school... when I was at UCLA, sororities were only for shallow party girls. Now I'm a prof at a university where the sororities are ON campus (no...(more)
- But they live in cramped auarters in dorms too
- from what I have seen, they have even less space in sororities... but I guess it depends
- ugh...female-only housing...there are always eating disorders going on.
- um...
- But they live in cramped auarters in dorms too
- it's my understanding that they're rife with orgies.
- I didn't join one, and wouldn't push my DDs either way. My oldest is in college and I never thought she would, but she's thinking about joining one. She goes to a school where...(more)
- np - UChicago by any chance?
- They are helpful in making a huge university feel less overwhelming. I was not into it and thought it was kinda dumb but i wouldn't trade it for the few awesome friends I made...(more)
- Toddler Have to leave for a 2 wk biz trip tmrw, and pulled out an overcoat that smells musty. should i just spray perfume on it? how do i freshen it up? have no time to take to cleaners.
- toss in dryer with damp washcloth and dryer sheet for 10 minutes
- Lightly spray with vinegar and toss in the dryer for a few minutes.
- Febreze
- ok, thanks, all. will try the dryer sheet first.
- why did someone like this post?
- Toddler Can You Please Help?...(more)
- No
- here you go...(more)
- this sounds like one of mine...(more)
- what an unoriginal idea for a book.
- np What an unoriginal idea for a flame.
- oh sorry. I should have mentioned eating glass.
- np What an unoriginal idea for a flame.
- i would rather eat glass than read your book.
- You posted same question last night - same exact phrasing, same website, except it was a book on "single moms." Can you please stop spamming this board? It's just gross.
- why does this seem like a Nigerian bank account scam to me
- Toddler I hate mornings
- Toddler Just bored and looked at photos of Kim Kardashian pregnant. She had a weird pregnancy body - her boobs and butt were bigger than her belly. It is hard to dress for that shape.
- her belly was plenty big.
- Yeah it was weird, I think it was caused by a combo of her swelling and plastic surgery
- There is one picture of her in that black and white dress where she little looked like a mule. And to think, she wasn't even 9 months pregnant when she delivered - people are...(more)
- I think it's the opposite, actually. I think she was further along than she was letting on.
- No don't think so...there were all these reports that she and the same due date as the Dutchess and the Palace said they were shutting Kate down with 6 weeks to go in her...(more)
- I think it's the opposite, actually. I think she was further along than she was letting on.
- Toddler I ran into a friend from college. she told my dh when she met him "your wife was the most girl we rushed in our sorority. she is pretty now, but was gorgeous in college" how...(more)
- ^^^most beautiful
- a compliment. get over yourself.
- adding the BUT changes everything- that compliment was barbed
- the most girl? so you were fat?
- mustve been Sigma Delta Tau. those EAT girls were big
- you and your friend sound ridiculous.
- As an insult.
- translated: you know how great your wife looks? she looked even more fabulous back in the day. What the fuck is wrong with you, are you this insecure?
- I would never EVER say something like thus because it is INSULTING
- Vba
- you were younger and prettier in college, like 90% of us. Deal.
- You old as fuck shouldn't you be somewhere doing yoga?
- It sounds to me like she was jealous of you in college and still holds a grudge, because that comment is BOUND to make you feel bad and she has to know it!
- op: she is beautiful now. tons of money. was pretty in college but a bit frumpy.
- i was prettier after college so whatever