Special Needs

  1. Special Needs I think I really over shared tonight with 2 df of mine. Granted, they are both people that I'm close with and they are loyal friends, I feel weird. I was talking a lot about my ds...(more) 9 hr 27 min ago (6 replies)
    Bc he has terrible anxiety and we've had to up his meds bc he is struggling so much socially. Makes me sad and I blabbed about it.
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    • if they are l;oyal and close friends you shouldn't feel bad. this is what friends are for. 9 hr 26 min ago
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      • I know. I don't think either one knew ds is on meds and I told them we had upped it bc he's having a rough time of it. Boo 9 hr 24 min ago
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        • you shouldn't have to bear the stress on your own. and your friends wouldn't want you to. good luck! 9 hr 24 min ago
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          • Yeah, I know. Thank you. I'm sure they're not thinking I'm a weirdo, it's me over thinking it. 9 hr 20 min ago
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    • Lol that is nothing. On here one time some lady said that her friend got drunk and said she is turned on by 12 yo boys. 9 hr 11 min ago
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      • Yikes. That's a little scary!! 2 hr 55 min ago
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  2. Special Needs Has anyone had success with gfcf diet and sensory issues and inattention? 9 hr 42 min ago (2 replies)
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    • we have. We did it under the guidance of a nutritionist and his dev ped. I would not do it on your own. I don't think it impacts every child, but it definitely helped ours,...(more) 1 hr 54 min ago
      especially with sleep.
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      • Ditto except our nutritionist and doctors were all google searches huge differences. 1 hr 52 min ago
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  3. Special Needs I have a question about how to deal with my nt ds. Ds's teacher told him that he needed to use a wipe after he finished Reese's pieces that he had for snack....(more) 13 hr 11 min ago (8 replies)
    Ds didn't use a wipe and tagged a girl with a nut allergy. Teacher sent home a note reprimanding ds. Ds, who is 7, claimed that he forgot to use the wipe before playing tag. He is forgetful so I believe it's possible. He is a liar so I am not sure. I explained how dangerous it is to expose a highly allergic child to nuts, did not let him use the iPad and had him write the teacher a note apologizing. Is that enough punishment?
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    • this is my issue and i say this as a parent of a child with a nut allergy. the schools are either nut free or they are not. this half way just endangers everyone. a 7 y/o can not...(more) 13 hr 8 min ago
      be expected to always remember to wipe. lapses will happen.
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      • ^and btw i don't think you needed to punish your DS. the talk was enough. the teacher/school should be admonished. if they are going to allow nuts in a classroom with a nut...(more) 13 hr 5 min ago
        allergy, they had better keep a closer eye on things and make sure the 7 y/o all wash their hands.
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    • Yes. If there are allergic kids I don't see why adults are permitting Reese's in the room, I can't see holding ds at 7 responsible 13 hr 8 min ago
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      • He was not in the classroom at the time. They were on a field trip. I think they were outside when this happened. 13 hr 6 min ago
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        • i'm the first OR. even worse. totally not on your DS. teacher should not have blamed DS. she should have been more diligent in supervising. 13 hr 4 min ago
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      • And I don't have a kid with a nut allergy. I just think this is irresponsible, and it is an adult issue 13 hr 5 min ago
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      • ITA - our kid does not have a nut allergy, but the entire school is nut-free. I think the school need to revisit their policy. It should not be incumbent upon a 7 year old (or...(more) 1 hr 52 min ago
        even a younger child) to protect kids with nut allergies. What if he did wipe, but not well enough? That is a disaster waiting to happen.
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    • I am so upset for your dc. Ita what the first or said and you should not have punished him. This was not his fault 9 hr 27 min ago
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  4. Special Needs Is adhd considered a learning disability? 14 hr 41 min ago (14 replies)
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    • it's considered a disability that impacts learning, but it is not considered an LD 14 hr 40 min ago
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    • not unless it is. its a psycholigical disorder 14 hr 38 min ago
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      • it's a neurological disorder, not a psychological disorder. 8 hr 44 min ago
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    • No. But there are often actual LDs present. We were sure dd had many. Virtually none, a very expensive test showed. No matter, still flunking trig 14 hr 38 min ago
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      • sometimes, we're just not good at something and that's ok. I sucked at math... however, it turns out I had dyscalculia... so I did have a ld. So ignore my prior statement 14 hr 34 min ago
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        • I suspect she has it too. Dh sure does. I "merely" suck at math but i can Solve for X! He cant. She was great in geometry, failed alg 1, failing trig. Her teacher even told me...(more) 14 hr 30 min ago
          "it's a terrible class, it's a year's worth of trig squeezed into a semester, and also, there really no reason a seriously non-math student should be forced to learn trig."
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      • So she just isn't smart? 14 hr 33 min ago
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        • np oh you again. buzz off. 14 hr 32 min ago
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          • np: ignore "douche" mom 14 hr 11 min ago
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        • Since i know youre still here... she's very smart in everything other than math. Have you got any more fake questions? 13 hr 31 min ago
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    • No it's not 14 hr 35 min ago
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    • no 14 hr 31 min ago
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    • our NP said no when ds got the diagnosis 14 hr 24 min ago
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      • ^and he ruled out any other LD's 14 hr 23 min ago
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  5. Special Needs Trigger Going to a well knowen psychic for a reading - anything I should or shouldn't say? Should I tell her what I am looking for or just let her read. Will she pick up on what i...(more) 15 hr 19 min ago (1 reply)
    ma nervous on?
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  6. Special Needs My adhd/ODD child went from happy and doing well to crying, irreatible, and getting notes sent home from school. Going to change his meds soon - hope that helps. But it's just...(more) 15 hr 20 min ago (4 replies)
    such a rough spot right now.
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    • I'm so sorry. The meds fuck with them in this way and I hate them for it. When do you go back to the dr to switch them? 15 hr 18 min ago
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      • We go back next week for med change. he's been on the same one for a year and half 13 hr 57 min ago
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    • 2nd grade? 15 hr 17 min ago
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  7. Special Needs Triennial evaluation for middle school NPS funded achool...(more) 16 hr 57 min ago (8 replies)
    My child goes to an MPS funded school DOE called to say that I needed to have a triennial evaluation. They said the DOE can conduct the neuropsych test. Does anybody have any experience with this and do I need to have a private evaluator and an attorney. To continue to secure funding for the NPS school.I would like to not have to pay another $5000 for neuropsych test and retain an attorney any suggestions. If I have already been funded is it safe to assume that I do not have to go this route?
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    • My lawyer told us to do our own if we could afford it. 16 hr 19 min ago
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    • I would definitely do my own. Once the DOE has its own findings, even if you go out and get your own, there is less ammunition. If you pay you can get it to say what you need. 16 hr 5 min ago
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      • Do you need an attorney also? 15 hr 49 min ago
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        • I think you can wait on the atty. I would get the NP that contains a strong justification, and see if they challenge it-you can get the atty later if necessary. 13 hr 16 min ago
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    • Call Adelphi U it will be a lot less. I had 2 really good evaluations done with them for just over 1K. Done by students but they wrote whatever I needed. 12 hr 11 min ago
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      • ^^that said I am not sure if we are going with a private eval again. Our DS is doing better but not well. I can't see how they can spin it to look like he is even close to being...(more) 11 hr 56 min ago
        on par with his piers. Also don't they look at reports and talk to the teachers? The letter we got from the school said not to be alarmed and this is all straight forward. As of today I have not even received a call from the DOE or a letter. I though DS was at his Triennial but I could be wrong.
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    • Depending on what your child's issues are you can probably do a psycho-ed exam which will save you some money. Ask your lawyer what tests you really need. My DD clearly does not...(more) 8 hr 36 min ago
      have asd or motor problems but is severely dyslexic so we no longer do the tests for things she doesn't have.
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    • Do you live in NJ? 8 hr 35 min ago
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  8. Special Needs Spin-off: So how do you deal with Mr. Hyde if he only appears at school, you and dc's psych never see anything but Dr. Jekyll, and school is poor at communicating what is...(more) 17 hr 12 min ago (10 replies)
    occurring in what circumstances?
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    • get them some checklists to complete at school, and get an observation done. 17 hr 11 min ago
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    • you have the psych do a school observation. 17 hr 11 min ago
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      • Been trying to get the school to cooperate with this for a bit. 17 hr 10 min ago
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        • what state? Can't you ask the BOE to come in? 17 hr 10 min ago
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        • is there a school psychologist or someone else who could help you advocate for it? 17 hr 9 min ago
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          • He had one two years ago, but there's a lot of water under the bridge/changes since then. It's getting them to do it AGAIN that seems to be the problem. 17 hr 7 min ago
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            • np: don't you have an annual review? 17 hr 6 min ago
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              • IEP meeting, not FBA. 16 hr 51 min ago
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    • Translate for me - He's bad at school and good at home? 16 hr 50 min ago
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  9. Special Needs I just found out our school has accelerated math and I didn't even know. Dc had a 4 on state test and doing really well but I guess they never mentioned it because they don't...(more) 17 hr 53 min ago (10 replies)
    wantto pressure him. By 8th grade accelerated math is at least 1 full year ahead and through to high school. I don't want to pressure dc either it's better to just stay the course right than risk dc getting upset, our school has a new program and they put dc in it and its working well. But I feel sort of sad won't get opportunity since this carries through for many years and too hard to catch up later.
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    • "Normal" math is pretty accelerated these days as is. 17 hr 52 min ago
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      • Really, all the subjects. My 4th grader's hw looks like stuff I had in middle or high school half the time. 17 hr 47 min ago
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      • the standards for accelerated are pretty low-85 average and 3 or 4 on state tests. They take algebra regents in 8th grade and wind up at least a year ahead (there are actually 2...(more) 17 hr 45 min ago
        accelerated tracks, one even more than the other).
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        • Forgetting the 4 on the test, does your son breeze through math and find it too easy? If so, ask if he can move up. However, he can catch up later. Lots of kids in our public...(more) 8 hr 30 min ago
          school catch up through a summer course.
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        • Is he special needs (this being the SN board)? Are there mitigating factors like anxiety? If so you can talk to the school but don't worry now. He really can catch up later. If he...(more) 8 hr 27 min ago
          clearly thinks math is too easy then sure talk to the school.
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    • my 2nd grader is in 3rd grade math. you really cant go back once you start to be a grade ahead. the trick is when they switch schools, then they have to go to the middle school...(more) 17 hr 45 min ago
      for math while in 5th grade.
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      • or a grade behind right? but the accelerated math only starting this year (this grade level). 17 hr 43 min ago
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      • in our competitive public lots of kids do drop back in high school because the fastest track leads to AP calc in junior year and a secong year of calc as seniors. At least half...(more) 7 hr 43 min ago
        drop back after freshman or sophomore year because they are not doing well. The other half breeze through.
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    • Why is this thread on SN? Just wondering. 17 hr 12 min ago
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      • assuming her son is SN but not a SN that affects academics? 8 hr 26 min ago
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  10. Special Needs Our psych is suggesting that dc go off stimulants or significantly limit stimulants and on anxiety med. He believes at this point dc's anxiety about his lack of focus is the...(more) 17 hr 55 min ago (7 replies)
    biggest problem, not his lack of focus which teachers report has improved even though his meds have fluctuated so much and at times he's been on almost nothing (teachers report they note no difference in attention regardless of what's been happening, that he loses focus at times but can be refocused). What anxiety meds are ok? We also went off intuniv due to side effects. I don't want to start on an antidepressant since he's not depressed.
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    • Straterra is a miracle drug for us. 17 hr 48 min ago
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      • Is it a stimulant? Dc cannot tolerate stimulants stops eating and sleeping. 17 hr 44 min ago
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        • np: it's a non-stim with its own set of side effects, including liver disfunction. It's considered an ADHD non-stim med. 14 hr 37 min ago
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      • np: I would not say miracle, but according to DC's psych, stimulants were increasing his anxiety. Not my kid, but I know another child taking Focalin and an SSRI effectively. Your...(more) 1 min ago
        child's Dr should also know the options.
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    • SSRIs are also clinically proven to be effective for anxiety. The word "anti-depressant" refers more to the old school meds. Zoloft & Prozac are both often prescribed for anxiety....(more) 14 hr 38 min ago
      Zoloft has been clinically studied for social anxiety.
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      • agree. but talk to your child's psych. My DD older but she takes a small dose of clonazepam if she gets too anxious when stim is wearing off...(more) 7 hr 45 min ago
        She might take it twice a week.
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    • My 10 yr DD is on Focalin and Zoloft for anxiety. You can use both drugs FWIW. 5 min ago
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  11. Special Needs New IEP Meeting in new state tomorrow morning. I am usually poised and on my game at the meeting, but nervous as hell before and after. Any tips? 19 hr 13 min ago (3 replies)
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    • you're his/her advocate. just put that out there and they will understand everything that follows 19 hr 12 min ago
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    • You are awesome, you are a rare supermom advocating where it counts and you are making a lifelong difference for your dc -- way to go!!!! 19 hr 11 min ago
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    • Assume they are on your side - advocate for your DC but come off as "we're all in this together" - it goes a long way. 18 hr 41 min ago
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  12. Special Needs Do most kids experience lack of appetite on ritalin. My dc, almost 10 is really thin and a very picky eater. The school year so far has been awful, so much more work, and...(more) 19 hr 31 min ago (15 replies)
    attention span has gone from bad to worse.. We have tried various alternatives but now think meds are the next step. He just can't afford to lose any weight.
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    • only the hours he is on it. takes focalin xr with breakfast (eats a good breakfast) doesn't eat much at lunch, eats a good dinner. great appetite on non school days and vacations...(more) 19 hr 30 min ago
      so I think it works out.
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      • this, plus a highly caloric bedtime snack. 19 hr 28 min ago
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        • ITA, I don't worry about calories with him, as long as there is protein he can pretty much eat what he wants that's not junk. 19 hr 26 min ago
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    • It sort of evens out after the first couple of months maybe. My dd did lose a few lbs. I try to get in a high protein breakfast and dinner. She generally doesn't eat lunch...(more) 19 hr 29 min ago
      anymore.
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    • We have seen no change in appetite with my 8yo. I did meet w/his teachers though prior and asked that they monitor his water drinking in the classroom as well as classroom snack. 19 hr 7 min ago
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      • OP: Thanks. What about with time release? Dr. is recommending 5ml in am then another 5 in afternoon. If that goes well then time release. I should have mentioned that ds is also...(more) 18 hr 55 min ago
        on spectrum and very sensitive to medication.
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        • He's on metadate CD taken just in the morning. 18 hr 49 min ago
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        • np: how long has he been on it? Any anxiety with it? Have you seen improvements with the focus? My DC is similar! 18 hr 40 min ago
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      • why water drinking? 18 hr 2 min ago
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        • The doctor warned that he may not want to drink water either and if he doesn't eat combined with being dehydrated, it would cause increased irritability/mood swing. 17 hr 57 min ago
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    • Focalin XR had no impact on my DC's appetite 18 hr 41 min ago
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    • My son has less of an appetite but it's not gone. 17 hr 54 min ago
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    • My 9 yo is skinny as a rail and takes Ritalin LA. Doesn't have much of an appetite to begin with, the Ritalin just makes it a little worse, but he doesn't eat much when he's not...(more) 15 hr 45 min ago
      on it either.
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    • Smoothies have really helped us. You can pack lots of protein (rolled oats, pb, or protein powder) in along with the fruit and veggies (always spinach for us) and it doesn't feel...(more) 15 hr 44 min ago
      like a meal so it is easier to stomach on Ritalin
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  13. Special Needs Ds's new therapist is well meaning and I think she will help ds, which is what counts. However, therapist makes me feel like he is very impaired. Part of this is my own...(more) 20 hr 2 min ago (2 replies)
    craziness so I am looking for a therapist who takes insurance to help me. Cannot afford another out of network therapist because of all of ds's therapies. I am not posting to find an in network therapist, rather, just venting and looking for support.
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    • If you think new therapist is potentially good, you have to let go of the feeling that the therapist makes you feel as if ds is more impaired. Maybe he is more impaired than you...(more) 19 hr 58 min ago
      are prepared to accept. Maybe not. It's about what can be good for your child.
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      • op, i know you are correct. I am just going through a tough time. 19 hr 41 min ago
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  14. Special Needs Looking for a good EI floor time Therapist in Queens...(more) 20 hr 15 min ago (14 replies)
    Hi, my son was diagnosed with Autism, very mild, but Autism. Developmental pediatrician recommended floor time therapy for him.
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    • my ds also had mild asd, and aba was recommnded and was fantastic! 20 hr 14 min ago
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      • that is good! but it does not work for my son......(more) 20 hr 5 min ago
        He initiates playing, looks for attention to play with other adults but has short attention span, gets bored easily of routine activities (i feel repetition is not for him), and is somewhat self directed.
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    • - no subject -...(more) 20 hr 14 min ago
      We live in Queens. If someone knows of a good therapist that works with this approach please let me know. It is for the afternoons/ evenings.
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    • i dont understand-if its through Ei why arent they proving you with therapists??? 20 hr 12 min ago
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      • - no subject -...(more) 20 hr 10 min ago
        They are looking for it but they take so long. we tried already with a couple of ABA therapist who said have experience in floor time but It did not work well.
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    • our old floor time person was great. Lauren Tobing-Puente....(more) 20 hr 4 min ago
      www.drtobingpuente.com
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      • ^^I just read your other post above. Lauren is certified in floor time and was trained originally in ABA. She worked at Rebecca, which is how i found her. She's great and so...(more) 20 hr 3 min ago
        smart.
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        • ^^but she's very much floor time. she does understand ABA, which can be useful. she helped us a lot and also helped coordinate our therapies and she was a great transition person...(more) 20 hr 2 min ago
          for us when our kid left CPSE and went to a private sn school. Lauren was sort of what stayed the same, which was great for that first autumn of change.
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          • I just checked the web page. She looks perfect for my child....(more) 19 hr 55 min ago
            But I am not sure I can get her. We live in Queens. She may be working in Manhattan. Any way I just called her and left a voice mail.
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            • she lives in queens and I do too. she might work in manhattan but she also works in queens. totally call her. 19 hr 54 min ago
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      • Np: I think it's so excellent you shared an actual name with OP! 16 hr 33 min ago
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    • I doesn't have a to be a certified Floor time therapist....(more) 19 hr 51 min ago
      Some teachers have it. It is about to let the child lead the activity at the beginning to connect with him, them redirect him, and expand his attention span, his play skills and his social skills.
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    • call Liz at rebecca school. She can put you in touch with all of the staff, since they are all trained in floortime. 212-810-4120 18 hr 33 min ago
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      • Thank you!!!...(more) 17 hr 25 min ago
        I just called her. She is willing to help to see if there is any staff member that can take the case. :)
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  15. Special Needs Feels like we're the only not well-off family at our SN private (funded)...(more) 20 hr 53 min ago (44 replies)
    So badly want to be active in community, etc-- but paying for sitters so we can go to these things, and tickets and various funds, etc. is hurting. Especially after paying an attorney to get in to begin with. Maybe we missed the fine print about needing to be rich to go here? Wondering how others have dealt with this. It's incredibly embarassing.
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    • private is code for keep your wallet out at all times, how did you not know this? 20 hr 53 min ago
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      • it sounds like it's an NPS though, which is a funded school, a bit different than regular private 20 hr 46 min ago
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    • Is the school helping your dc? I'd focus on that and forget the rest. 20 hr 53 min ago
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    • I hear you. It kind of makes me crazy that all these funded SN schools have such wealthy families, but that's my own issue and I know I'll be flamed. 20 hr 51 min ago
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      • np: it seems very wrong, they must be selecting wealthy families because of fundraising, what about the middle class that apply? 20 hr 45 min ago
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        • I just think the whole system in the city is fucked. The SN funded/unfundeds have simply become shadow schools to the TT privates. The parents can spend money on top NP reports,...(more) 20 hr 43 min ago
          get them "tweaked" to fit certain schools . . . Meanwhile the kids who REALLY need help are dumped into D75 classrooms. Even when I was in the system with my $5k NP report, I thought the whole thing was really messed up. We moved to the burbs instead.
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          • I really believe that if a school is accepting public funds like NPS, they should at least dedicate some spots to low/middle income 20 hr 40 min ago
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            • Agree 100% 20 hr 40 min ago
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            • Considering the amount of resources it takes to get as far as a spot in NPS, it is not surprising many families have money... 20 hr 28 min ago
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            • and all these schools do have students who are MC or low income, but they are the minority 20 hr 23 min ago
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              • In our funded school there are not a lot of wealthy families. We went to look at Churchill and the facilities were night and day. Haven't seen all the others. 19 hr 14 min ago
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          • There are plenty of middle class families at these schools and some savor wer income families. 15 hr 41 min ago
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      • Mine is at an NPS that does not have a lot of wealthy families. There are several that do. 19 hr 15 min ago
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        • i'm not sure it's a funded vs unfunded or public thing. It's really expensive to live in NYC, most people are at least upper middle class. 18 hr 52 min ago
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          • um you need to leave your bubble, most NYers are not UMC in the city 17 hr 48 min ago
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          • There are many, many people living in the Bronx, Staten Island, Queens and even parts of Manhattan Brooklyn who are not rich. Their kids are just as likely to have SN and less...(more) 13 hr 24 min ago
            likely to get help for them.
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    • Most people who are not at least UMC will have trouble fronting costs for NP, lawyer, app fees, etc. to get into one of these in the first place, even before one gets to fronting...(more) 20 hr 51 min ago
      tuition while waiting for reimbursement.
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      • np - A friend is in this position, so she is keeping her kid in public, and advocating like crazy to get him all of the help he needs. 20 hr 49 min ago
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        • Yeah, this is what we're doing, too. 20 hr 48 min ago
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          • And while not perfect, friends in SN schools are always having things they are unhappy with, too. There is no 100% perfect 100% of the time. 20 hr 45 min ago
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      • Many kids get referred from other schools, not everyone pays legal fees. 19 hr 10 min ago
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    • don't try to do too much 20 hr 50 min ago
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      • this. I give what I can give but rarely attend the fundraisers anymore. My situation is different because I'm a single parent so don't have a date so don't want to go. 20 hr 49 min ago
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    • A lot of public schools in Manhattan operate not so terribly differently...lots of fundraisers etc. as well there...what am I missing? 20 hr 49 min ago
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      • in public the expected donation to annual appeal is around $200 or even less. Funded private expects thousands..then send out literature saying who gave what.. 20 hr 44 min ago
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        • I posted below, the amount at our public is $1000 per dc 20 hr 42 min ago
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          • ^but no one will know who gives that or not which I think is the difference 20 hr 41 min ago
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        • This is not true of all of them, absolutely not. 19 hr 13 min ago
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        • That is not really an expectation. They are telling you what the gap is. You donate what you can even if that is $50 a year. They just want participation. The people who have...(more) 9 hr 44 min ago
          money are the heavy donators. My dc was at Gateway for many years and that is one of the schools that I always see mentioned here as expecting big donations. We never gave more than $200 a year because that's all we could afford. That was perfectly fine and I was never uncomfortable about it
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      • np: good point but our public, unlike some SN's schools, does not publish the amounts that people donate, if you choose to donate $20K it's done anonymously 20 hr 42 min ago
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    • OP: we love school, super grateful and plan to give as much as we can...(more) 20 hr 32 min ago
      Just still feeling out school culture and trying to understand if better to give huge chunk for annual fund but attend only one fundraiser a year, etc? Also is time appreciated too?
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      • OP again- also every outlay of cash for means cutbacks elsewhere...(more) 20 hr 29 min ago
        E.g. Not in retirement account,savings, activities for other Dc etc
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        • which are all more important, leave the $$ giving to the school to those who really can afford it, if you do not fit in the culture you are not going to no matter what you give. 20 hr 24 min ago
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        • They just want participation. Do NOT jeopardize your own financial future. 20 hr 22 min ago
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      • Think of your budget for what you can give. You will be asked for many different fundraisers. Do not give it all to the annual fund - there will be more things throughout the...(more) 19 hr 11 min ago
        year.
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      • Don't give out all the money at once. We made that mistake once. You will be asked repeatedly throughout the year so divvy up your gift. 9 hr 6 min ago
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    • Get some perspective. It's not embarrassing. You don't have money. So what? You do what you have to do. 20 hr 21 min ago
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    • np: if there is both a mom and a dad, one of you can go to events and the other can stay home babysitting. THis way you don't need a sitter. In my case, I am a single parent and...(more) 17 hr 6 min ago
      my dc goes to a sn unfunded school. I just miss the events, because between the cost of event and the cost of a sitter, plus dc not having his usual routine, it is too much. And in my unfunded private, there are wealthy and not wealthy families, as the school accepts Connor funding. It is my understanding that there are lots of not wealthy families at funded privates, so I am surprised there are not at yours.
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    • My dc has been at 3 different unfunded privates, now in hs. One is a school that everyone says only has wealthy families. It could not be farther from the truth. All of the...(more) 15 hr 43 min ago
      schools have funds for families who can not afford certain events. This may be true at your school as well. Either comped tickets or a reduced price. It is not publicized but the families that need it are often reached out to. We are right in the middle. Umc but can't afford everything. I go to events, dh stays home and not because we need a sitter anymore, dh just hates that stuff and does nt want to spend money on it. Believe me yPu are far from the only family that is not wealthy. There are plenty
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      • I am not wealthy and my son is at Gaynor. There are a mix of families =--from rich to just making it. There are no expensive events there except the fundraiser which is optional...(more) 10 hr 53 min ago
        and I do not go but get items for the auction. There are a range of incomes at funded schools.
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        • If you are not wealthy, how do you swing the tuition, attorney fees etc.? 10 hr 23 min ago
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          • Np: Not wealthy and are at an infunded private. We get 95 to 100% of tuition back every year. We take the money out of savings u til we get it back. We can swing the 5k a...(more) 9 hr 48 min ago
            year for lawyers fees and a couple extra for what we don't get back. You would still not call us wealthy
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            • nnp: we are not wealthy and e do not pay a lawyer. Did have psycho-educational exam once for dc but school district sends dc to to funded SN. Not everybody has to sue. 9 hr 2 min ago
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  16. Special Needs Another guidance counselor call pushing us to put ds back on meds, asserting lots of behaviors that are not apparent at home or in his psych's office. My question: Did you...(more) 21 hr 20 min ago (6 replies)
    contact his psych with details of what you're observing at school, like we authorized you to do last time you raised this? Answer: Hmm..., well no... My next query: When's the last time anybody updated his FBA? Umm... I'm not sure if it was last year or the year before...OK. How about you provide the psych with the info she needs to advise us about treatment options, instead of just whinging to me that my child was easier to handle medicated? AARGH!
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    • I don't think it's legal for school staff to recommend meds 21 hr 15 min ago
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      • NO KIDDING.\ 21 hr 4 min ago
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        • What's pissing me off is that they're not communicating well with the treating psych, after we gave authorizations to everybody and asked them to keep her informed so she could...(more) 20 hr 46 min ago
          guide us on treatment. Just telling me he's having bad days in school is not going to address anything unless you loop in his treating MD.
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    • What's with this time of year that so many of us are having these issues? My ds the same at his "amazing!!" Sn private. 20 hr 22 min ago
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      • Damned if I know. My at-home Dr. Jekyll is increasingly mature, doing better socially with peers, completing hw, doing fine in extracurriculars, etc. They tell me Mr. Hyde...(more) 19 hr 57 min ago
        appears at school.
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        • same exactly here for me. and last year he was difficult in both places, so I consider this a big improvement, despite the calls from school. Psych thinks it's the increased...(more) 1 hr 46 min ago
          workload. I think he is in the wrong school...but what does it matter what I think? I have no initials after my name except MOM.
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  17. Special Needs Can anyone recommend a figit for my very anxious ds who picks apart his socks and drawstrings on his clothes while in school? tia 21 hr 22 min ago (2 replies)
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    • silly puddy 21 hr 20 min ago
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      • My adhd dd just got silly putty and told me Wow, this would be a great figit for me in class 21 hr 14 min ago
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  18. Special Needs Anyone's DC unable to tolerate Focalin XR but able to tolerate Ritalin LA? Focalin made DC irritable & anxious. He's doing okay in school but needs a lot of redirection/daydreams....(more) 22 hr 51 min ago (8 replies)
    No hyperactivity or impulsivity. TIA
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    • opposite for us. Ritalin was a disaster. Each kid reacts so differently. 22 hr 49 min ago
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      • I'm worried it'll be the same, espcially since Focalin is supposed to be "cleaned up" ritalin - ritalin without some of the inactive ingredients to help reduce side effects. Oy. 22 hr 47 min ago
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    • we just started focalin and it is has been great I think...I am having a hard time trying to figure out if it is working 22 hr 48 min ago
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      • ^^%^I am overanylizing EVERY situation and every thing my poor kid does 22 hr 48 min ago
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        • the teacher is a great resource for this. 22 hr 47 min ago
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        • our dr. has checklists he asks the teacher to complete before & after meds to see if there's a difference. 22 hr 46 min ago
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    • My df's child wasn't able to tolerate Focalin XR but has been doing great on Quillivant XR for almost a year. Before we started Focalin XR for my ds, his doctor offered us the...(more) 22 hr 38 min ago
      option of Quillivant XR because it's a liquid. Maybe Quillivant XR would be an option for your dc if you are concerned about Ritalin LA?
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      • I will definitely keep this in mind - thank you! 18 hr 39 min ago
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  19. Special Needs My dc is almost 13 and sometimes I still lie down with him to go to sleep--I used to do this most nights but stopped at around 9 because dh was livid about it. We have such a...(more) 10-29-2014 7:57am (8 replies)
    difficult relationship with me yelling at him a lot and yes I am constantly working on this but he loves it when I 'put him to bed". And when I do that he has to clear all the stuffed animals off his bed for me....he is extremely mature in many ways and it doesn't seem weird at all but I guess it is wrong? I mean a mom putting a 16 year old to bed is just freakish right (not that I'll necessarily be doing it at 16....).
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    • My almost 12yo has a lot of trouble falling asleep and I used to sit in his room sometimes for hours till he fell asleep and then he could wake at least once a night. He still has...(more) 10-29-2014 8:25am
      trouble but he gets Melatonin now. Not that that always keeps him asleep last night DH had to switch beds at 2am with him for him to sleep with me. But the going to sleep ritual is better. He has a TV sure not the best thing but it works. He usually falls asleep within a half hour with out stress. and many days stays asleep. But I worry too that he will not be able to go off to college without his mommy to sleep with. I'm sure that will not happen but in the back of my mind ya know. He refuses to go to sleep away camp because of this. It was suggested to me we find a sleep specialist. We will but amazingly my DH went from shear hate from all of this to way more understanding then I have in the last 2 years. Go figure.
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    • My ADHD son is 13yo and loves when I do this. He's very tough on the outside and gets in a lot of trouble behaviorally but he's so sweet at bedtime - I love this time of day....(more) 10-29-2014 8:26am
      Don't let up until he wants you to
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    • When he is 16 he won't let you do this. Keep it up while you still can. My sn 16 year old would tell me to leave even though I did this with him until he was 9 or 10. My very...(more) 23 hr 49 min ago
      nt 12 year old ds still asks me to lay with him and I don't find it weird at all. They are still young kids in many ways even if they don't act like it all day
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    • Ds is 11 and HF ASD and I lie down with him for about 15 minutes each night. We have our "conversations about life" - which is what he calls it. The lights are out, there is no...(more) 23 hr 45 min ago
      eye contact and we have some great talks about school, friendships, etc. (although it's not like he takes my advice). I was thinking the same thing though - will I be doing this when he's 16? I imagine we'll find another way to talk - if he even wants to talk to me at that age.
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    • I think it is fine. Your dc feels secure and loved when you do this. Eventually, he won't need it any more. But I would rather err on the side of letting him feel secure and...(more) 20 hr 58 min ago
      loved as opposed to "be a man." He is only 12. I wouldn't worry. You are a good mom.
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    • My almost 13yo has always had trouble sleeping. He still sleeps with the full desk light on in his room. If he weren't now too large, he would love to still sleep on the couch...(more) 20 hr 47 min ago
      in my bedroom but even with that, he confessed, he was always uneasy because I sleep with the lights out. Anyway - he does sleep - in his own room - and even after years of wanting to sleep with mom - it's fine.
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    • I think it's really nice. I hope I can do with that with my NT ds. 19 hr 58 min ago
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    • I don't know the specifics of your dc's SN, but I do think it's developmentally inappropriate (i.e., I'd try to wean off it it). I know I'll get flamed. . . sorry! 1 min ago
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  20. Special Needs Attornies...(more) 10-29-2014 12:49am (5 replies)
    Well, today we settled on a number with the DOE for 2014 - 2015. The new rules say that papers only need to be filed every 3 years and the child can stay at their placement unless the IEP directs otherwise. So....the only thing the attorney is doing is the negotiation which appears to be handled by the paralegal and took about an hour. Do I still need to pay an attorney upwards of 5 grand? Thanks for your answers.
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    • Df did it herself and won. Although an attorney is definitely advisable, she is proof that it can be done on your own 10-29-2014 5:24am
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    • Doesn't the lawyer get a portion of the settlement? Congrats by the way on settling 23 hr 53 min ago
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      • depends on your deal with the attorney. Mine gets a flat fee retainer if you don't go to hearing, and more if you do. 23 hr 19 min ago
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    • not all cases fall under the new rules. My dc got a different placement for 2014-2015 than he got for 2013-2014. So my case did not fall under the new rules and my attorney filed...(more) 23 hr 20 min ago
      for an impartial hearing. I would be reluctant to give up the use of the attorney so quickly, but perhaps you can negotiate to pay the attorney an hourly fee rather than the $5,000 you are referring to.
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      • OP here...(more) 49 min ago
        That's what I was thinking. Do you think I should approach them for a reduction for this year? I know for next year I will find a different attorney if this one insists on 10% of the settlement.
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  21. Special Needs Crying, my 12 year old ds is so angry. 10-28-2014 11:16pm (20 replies)
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    • op: I've been punched and slapped and spit at. He's yelling and uncooperative. I need some good days from him. 10-28-2014 11:17pm
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      • Is he in Therapy? Have u asked the school for support. U r me last year luckily the school really helped me and we got him into therapy. The social worker at the school was...(more) 10-28-2014 11:21pm
        amazing in helping us through it.
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        • Yes, he he does therapy we parent train he's in a special school. 10-28-2014 11:28pm
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      • NP: send him to therapeutic boarding school 10-28-2014 11:23pm
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        • We are looking to that direction he really doesn't want to go though. He will sometimes ask to not be sent away. I feel so bad for him. I just feel like I failed him. 10-28-2014 11:29pm
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          • I'm the poster directly below (w/ DS at a boarding school). If I may ask, what is your ds's dx? 10-28-2014 11:31pm
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            • Bipolar, anxiety and ocd. 10-28-2014 11:32pm
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              • That sounds very tough. Mine has severe anxiety, ASD/PDD-NOS, sensory stuff, learning disabilities, visual challenges. 10-28-2014 11:35pm
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                • That's tough. No learning disabilities but he refuses to do school work. He gets so obsessive and caught up in his thoughts and it's like talking to a brick wall. He has to...(more) 10-28-2014 11:39pm
                  control things. He takes things out of contact he's so hard. Everything is a struggle. I hate his violent streaks.
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        • np: I have 12 y.o. and he is at one. It is a long road with him but it is helping him a lot. The last visits we have had we have actually had fun together (as a family) instead...(more) 10-28-2014 11:30pm
          of it being awful.
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          • I would love for that. We haven't had a happy moment in a while. We get glimpses then none for months sometimes. 10-28-2014 11:33pm
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            • Before he left for school it felt like we were under siege. He was taking a lot of his anger out on me & his younger sister, really holding us all hostage to his anxieties &...(more) 10-28-2014 11:35pm
              moods.
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              • That's how I feel. He hates us but doesn't want us out of his sight. 10-28-2014 11:40pm
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                • Very familiar. I'm so sorry--it's so, so hard. 10-28-2014 11:40pm
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                  • ^^and I think with my son, the anxiety is the real linchpin. All the other pieces are hard in themselves, but the anxiety seems to get ratcheted up by the other challenges & has...(more) 10-28-2014 11:42pm
                    the most devastating impact on his behavior.
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                    • Yes! The anxiety and then the ocd anxiety. I much prefer when he's depressed honestly. He refused to take his meds today I had to threaten to take him to the hospital and then I...(more) 10-28-2014 11:45pm
                      Only got some of his meds in him. Some is better than none. Then he rips his homework up eats the paper and cries about it. Then blames me for not stopping him.
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                      • Yes. We have experienced similar things. Having DS as school where everyone seems him in all the contexts, everything happens there, the environment is more stable & controlled...(more) 10-28-2014 11:47pm
                        (even though we have a very organized household) makes a differences. and he has a great doctor/therapist there who is helping him a lot. But it is a slow process.
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                        • I feel bad that he doesn't want to go away. It's so hard to hear him cry about it. he'll stay up because he thinks we're going to take him in his sleep. Some nights he wants to...(more) 10-28-2014 11:50pm
                          Sleep holding my hand. He didn't want to go to his new school because it takes a while to get there and he can't be with his brother. Conspiracy thoughts.
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                  • I'm really torn. How can such a young person be filled with so much bad things. 10-28-2014 11:42pm
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      • As hard as it will be on everyone, the right therapeutic boarding school can help. Our ds is there, went kicking and screaming but he is really changed for the better. Plannnig...(more) 10-29-2014 8:32am
        now for him to transfer to a day school.
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  22. Special Needs I'm really worried for the Ebola doctor at Bellevue -- I have a feeling he has a very bad case -- I hope not -- he's young and obviously committed to helping others 10-28-2014 10:30pm (14 replies)
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    • I thought he was doing okay. 10-28-2014 10:30pm
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    • Zzzzzzzs 10-28-2014 10:31pm
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    • A feeling, eh? 10-28-2014 10:32pm
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      • guess you don't have any? 10-28-2014 10:34pm
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        • yes, i do. but unless you're a doctor or epidemiologist or something, I don't thing this is something where feelings matter much. 10-28-2014 10:43pm
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    • I haven't been able to find an update about him. 10-28-2014 10:32pm
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      • that worries me 10-28-2014 10:33pm
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      • the update was this past week, he was starting to have gastro issues, he will be fine, he had the transfusion and vax. The transfusion has the antibodies and that's key. 23 hr 51 min ago
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    • they often o through a bad patch before getting better 10-28-2014 10:33pm
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    • Agree 10-28-2014 10:40pm
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    • He seems like a truly good guy. I am worried about him too, but my MD dh is not - he says the disease and treatment are proceeding as expected. So I am hopeful for him. 10-28-2014 10:46pm
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      • He l to the police and said he was staying in his Harlem apt. The police then found evidence on his metro card and credit cards and got him to admit it. 22 hr 57 min ago
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        • ^he lied to the police 22 hr 57 min ago
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    • "serious but stable" 22 hr 57 min ago
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  23. Special Needs I have 3 dc, 2 with ADD diagnosed in their teens; should I have the youngest evaluated? Not really seeing any red flags but they didn't show up in other dc until higher grades...(more) 10-28-2014 10:29pm (1 reply)
    after a lot of stress.
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    • If the child is showing no signed, I would leave it be (I have adhd as does one of my kids). If it is a serious case it will manifest itself anyway. If the youngest is doing fine...(more) 10-29-2014 1:46am
      in school, happy, has friends, why put him or her through the testing, the psychiatric appointments, meds, etc. when there is no obvious need. I am glad my childhood was innocent and carefree. Plus, my other 2 kids don't appear to have it.
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  24. Special Needs I posted earlier aabout the dp having more negative to say about ds. How do you know if you're looking at your child with mommy lense too much? 10-28-2014 9:30pm (10 replies)
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    • I am always very realistic about my ds, sometimes too harsh. Thus, when the resorts come back, I'm never surprised. 10-28-2014 9:57pm
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      • I tend to focus on his strengths and I think it comes off like I don't see his weaknesses so when I hear weakness my thoughts are to cover it with happy good things about him. In...(more) 10-28-2014 10:39pm
        my mommy eyes he's doing great but to hear other people say he's doing great for him but reality he's very behind and could and should be doing better it hurts.
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        • Our kids need cheerleaders. I say as long as you are doing everything the dev ped says to do , you get to be ds's champion and look at the positive. Tomorrow you will be on your...(more) 10-28-2014 10:47pm
          way back to your usual self I bet.
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          • I hope so. I just always defend him. I should but it feels like no one believes in him even his dad and I had a fight with my mother about his skills. I'm tired of retracting my...(more) 10-28-2014 10:49pm
            claws or letting them out.
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            • How about telling them "I know ds has serious challenges and we're working on all of them. But I need to look at the good side or else I can't do all this hard work. I don't have...(more) 10-28-2014 10:55pm
              my head in the sand but I have to think positively and you have to let me and not try to talk me out of it."
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              • I have and my dh thinks I'm soft. Upsets me so. My mother thinks because ds needs a walking device to walk he can't walk. And he's speedy I certainly I put him in it. 10-28-2014 11:15pm
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    • those appointments can be a downer 10-28-2014 10:12pm
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      • I'm so grumpy. 10-28-2014 10:40pm
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    • I think I've always been pretty good at seeing my child's strengths and his challenges. It struck me most during turning 5, since np, the school, and the attorney were all on teh...(more) 10-29-2014 5:28am
      same page as dh and I. (the social worker even commented on this). That does not mean that we don't celebrate the victories. We do and I hold on to them in tough times, but I still maintain objectivity when it comes to the analytical/IEP kind of stuff
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    • I think it's OK to recognize your child's strengths as well as their weaknesses. Often the DP doesn't do that (NPs do, and will write about strengths in the report). You're not...(more) 22 hr 56 min ago
      necessarily looking through the mommy lense, you see your child as a whole, and also it's very important to focus on the strengths too. Give yourself a break.
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  25. Special Needs Moms with dc on meds. Are there any apps that capture side effects, effectiveness, etc. for dc 10-28-2014 9:19pm (1 reply)
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    • As in daily... like an app that prompts, how is mood, rate focus, check boxes if outbursts, so you could output a graph at the end of the week. 10-28-2014 9:20pm
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