I wish my DH/DS toddler didn't have these power struggles. They are horrible to watch. Battle of the wills.
posted March 5th, 2012 at 2:35pm in Toddler
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- opedius complex 3-5-2012 2:36pm
- he has it with me too.. but I dont buy into it like DH does. 3-5-2012 2:37pm
- Your DH ought to be winning. 3-5-2012 2:36pm
- and if he is not, he is training snowflake to buck authority 3-5-2012 2:38pm
- OR. ITA 3-5-2012 2:38pm
- DH pins him down as DS screams and then DH covers his mouth.. 3-5-2012 2:38pm
- Why? 3-5-2012 2:39pm
- DS was tantruming over wanting a book which DH didnt want him to have at some point it comes to that usually. DH cant just ignore the tantrum but takes them personally 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- HOw old is DS? 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- 2.5 yo. very very strong willed 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- he's no match for a grown man though - youneed to step in . 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- I do usually at the pin down point. 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- wow. 3-5-2012 2:45pm -1 dislike
- I'm sorry you dislike, but you need to get involved before the 'pin down' of a 2.5yo by a grown man. 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- op here, i did not dislike. 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- I'm sorry you dislike, but you need to get involved before the 'pin down' of a 2.5yo by a grown man. 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- wow. 3-5-2012 2:45pm -1 dislike
- DH here - this does make me a bit uncomfortable, and I used to do the same. Eventually found that the tantrums disappeared after I let him have them, but by himself behind closed...(more) 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- agree, tantrums feed on an audience 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- Exactly. He's getting a reaction, and that's enough. 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- agree, tantrums feed on an audience 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- I do usually at the pin down point. 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- he's no match for a grown man though - youneed to step in . 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- 2.5 yo. very very strong willed 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- dear God up in Heaven. 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- HOw old is DS? 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- DS was tantruming over wanting a book which DH didnt want him to have at some point it comes to that usually. DH cant just ignore the tantrum but takes them personally 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- wha?????? and you stand by and watch this? wtf is wrong with you? 3-5-2012 2:40pm
- NP. Calm down, sancti. 3-5-2012 2:41pm -2 dislikes
- yeah, I am sancti because I think that's fucked up. 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- People hold kids down all the time during tantrums. It's often recommended on here--take them to the timeout spot, hold them there, whatever. 3-5-2012 2:42pm +1 like, -2 dislikes
- and cover there mouth? please PLEASE link me up to that advice. 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- ^^their 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- I"m sorry I don't think I've ever seen that advice in a book or on here. 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- You've never seen the advice to return a kid to time out over and over and over? Basically, it's holding them in place. 3-5-2012 2:44pm +1 like
- retunrin gthem and holding them are NOT the same thing. how in the world do you think that? 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- How far do you let them wander away? 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- do you wan tto discusss TOs or pinning down a child? 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- If they keep getting up from time out, how far should they go before you pick them up and put them back? 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- not far a few step I guess. that's totally diff from holding. you know that right? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- No, it's really not. You know that, right? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- OK you win. Continue it your way. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- Again, I haven't done this. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:19pm
- Again, I haven't done this. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- OK you win. Continue it your way. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- no it is not, a child who is going from where you want him to stay must be held in place 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- no. please wtach just one episode of Super Nnany or soemthing. I don;t think you undrstand the point and purpose of Time outs 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- And what do you do when they get up? 3-5-2012 2:53pm
- fo rthe sweet love of God woman, numerous posters have explained it here. what don't you understand or are you just being a troll now? 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- They haven't explained anything. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- Multiple times. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- No, they didn't. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:20pm
- Not logically. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:13pm
- No, they didn't. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- Multiple times. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- They haven't explained anything. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- fo rthe sweet love of God woman, numerous posters have explained it here. what don't you understand or are you just being a troll now? 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- And what do you do when they get up? 3-5-2012 2:53pm
- no. please wtach just one episode of Super Nnany or soemthing. I don;t think you undrstand the point and purpose of Time outs 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- No, it's really not. You know that, right? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- not far a few step I guess. that's totally diff from holding. you know that right? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- pinning down a kid is not allowing it to thrash and to kick around, and the screaming is to diminish the screams and yells. that said the best thing is to take child to another...(more) 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- If they keep getting up from time out, how far should they go before you pick them up and put them back? 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- do you wan tto discusss TOs or pinning down a child? 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- How far do you let them wander away? 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- nope - not even close to the same thing. 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- Why not? 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- dude areyou serious? 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- Yes. Explain the difference. In each case, you're physically restraining them. 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- no, you're not. please read a book on time outs. what you are doing is NOT a time out 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- I'm not doing either. I'm saying that there's no appreciable difference between the two. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- I'm trying so hard not to judge here. I don't get how you can't see the diff. 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- What you would be judging? 3-5-2012 2:51pm
- In one case you're letting the kid walk 5 feet before you physically overpower him and return him to timeout. In the other, you hold him in place. That's not a meaningful...(more) 3-5-2012 2:51pm
- No. I'm not. Speak for yourself. Oh, you don't use this method, so you can't do that either. 3-5-2012 2:56pm
- Which is a breathtakingly ludicrous statement. 3-5-2012 2:51pm
- Then explain the distinction. 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- It's the distinction between assaulting someone and not assaulting someone. 3-5-2012 2:53pm +1 like
- Letting them walk a few feet before you overpower them again does not make that distinction. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- In my method that's not necessary. So, again, you're pointing out another distinction. Thanks. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- Nor is it necessary with mine. My whole point was that what OP's DH is doing is not different from what others often say here, or SuperNanny recommends, or whatever. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- Yes, and your whole point is absolutely ludicrous. And, by the way, what's your method?? 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- you are crazy. truly. have you ever even watched Super nanny or are you just talking out of your ass? 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- You're insulting because you can't argue with the logic. Yes, I've seen it. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- There is no logic to argue with. Only insanity. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- Right. You realize that putting a kid back to timeout repeatedly is no better than holding him there. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- No, I don't realize that. Furthermore, I don't repeatedly put a kid back in timeout, so you're arguing with yourself. I put the kid in a room and keep the door shut. Cures it...(more) 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- Neither of us do the thing we're arguing about. My point is that what OP's DH has done is no different than what SuperNanny recommends. 3-5-2012 3:02pm
- That's not true. Pinning by a grown man is not the same as holding in place. And what do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:03pm
- Pinning by a grown man, holding by a grown woman, holding by a grown man. It's all the same to a 2 yo. 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- No it isn't, and saying it is doesn't make it so. What do YOU do?? 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- Yes it is, and saying it isn't doesn't make it so, either. 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:12pm
- Yeah. What DO you do? 3-5-2012 3:20pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:12pm
- Yes it is, and saying it isn't doesn't make it so, either. 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- No it isn't, and saying it is doesn't make it so. What do YOU do?? 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- Pinning by a grown man, holding by a grown woman, holding by a grown man. It's all the same to a 2 yo. 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- That's not true. Pinning by a grown man is not the same as holding in place. And what do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:03pm
- Neither of us do the thing we're arguing about. My point is that what OP's DH has done is no different than what SuperNanny recommends. 3-5-2012 3:02pm
- No, I don't realize that. Furthermore, I don't repeatedly put a kid back in timeout, so you're arguing with yourself. I put the kid in a room and keep the door shut. Cures it...(more) 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- Right. You realize that putting a kid back to timeout repeatedly is no better than holding him there. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- yeah.......I'm th eone with logic issues. LOL 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- Laugh all you want. You lost the argument. 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- You're an object of derision. So, what do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:02pm
- Laugh all you want. You lost the argument. 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- There is no logic to argue with. Only insanity. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- You're insulting because you can't argue with the logic. Yes, I've seen it. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- Nor is it necessary with mine. My whole point was that what OP's DH is doing is not different from what others often say here, or SuperNanny recommends, or whatever. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- In my method that's not necessary. So, again, you're pointing out another distinction. Thanks. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- Letting them walk a few feet before you overpower them again does not make that distinction. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- It's the distinction between assaulting someone and not assaulting someone. 3-5-2012 2:53pm +1 like
- Then explain the distinction. 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- I'm trying so hard not to judge here. I don't get how you can't see the diff. 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- I'm not doing either. I'm saying that there's no appreciable difference between the two. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- no you are not. OMG are you serious? 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- You keep asking me if I'm serious. yes, I'm serious. I don't do either method. I'm just pointing out that this isn't that different from what people suggest to do when kids do...(more) 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- No. In one case you're physically grabbing and pinning them. In another, they can sit on a chair and swing their legs and twiddle their thumbs and not get hurt. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- no you are preventing the child from wildly kicking and running etc, not your laden ridden language 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- OK. Now I realize that you don't know what words mean. 3-5-2012 2:52pm -1 dislike
- Yes. In one case by physically grabbing and pinning them and risking massive injury and giving them an audience and in the other letting them have the run of a room to...(more) 3-5-2012 2:53pm
- Whoa! You're really stretching here. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- I'm stating facts and you're not refuting them. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- nobody's risking massive injury by holding a kid in place. If anything, the repeated "returning the kid to timeout" is more of an injury risk vs. just holding them there. 3-5-2012 2:56pm
- If a grown man is pinning a two-year-old, they're risking massive injury. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- No different than forcing a kid into a carseat or to change a diaper or the like. It's not like a grown woman is not capable of holding a 2 yo in place. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- OK - a grown man pinning a two-year-old is no different than changing a diaper. You were already laughable. I've heard enough of your jokes. Bye. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- You're purposely obtuse. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:14pm
- You're purposely obtuse. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- OK - a grown man pinning a two-year-old is no different than changing a diaper. You were already laughable. I've heard enough of your jokes. Bye. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- No different than forcing a kid into a carseat or to change a diaper or the like. It's not like a grown woman is not capable of holding a 2 yo in place. 3-5-2012 2:58pm
- If a grown man is pinning a two-year-old, they're risking massive injury. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- nobody's risking massive injury by holding a kid in place. If anything, the repeated "returning the kid to timeout" is more of an injury risk vs. just holding them there. 3-5-2012 2:56pm
- I'm stating facts and you're not refuting them. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- Whoa! You're really stretching here. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- no you are preventing the child from wildly kicking and running etc, not your laden ridden language 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- holy shit I need to leave this post. 3-5-2012 2:49pm
- In my case timeout happens in the bathroom. They can wander around, use the potty if they need to, get a drink of water in the sink. But they don't get an audience for their...(more) 3-5-2012 2:51pm
- What if they leave the bathroom? 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- They don't. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- But that's what we're discussing here. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- You are, but I'm not. In my case they don't leave the bathroom. It's easy enough to keep a bathroom door shut, and one time is plenty. 3-5-2012 2:56pm
- So you got lucky with compliant kids. Same here. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- I don't need compliant kids to hold a door shut, moron. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- So you're still overpowering them. 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- No. I'm not even touching them. What do YOU do??? 3-5-2012 3:02pm
- But you're still overpowering them if they try to open the door. 3-5-2012 3:03pm
- They don't open the door. What do YOU do?? 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- Then why do you need to hold it? 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- So that I don't need to overpower them. The second time I don't need to hold it at all. You've lost this part of the argument. What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- But you are overpowering them if you're holding the door shut. 3-5-2012 3:06pm
- No. What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:13pm
- But you are overpowering them if you're holding the door shut. 3-5-2012 3:06pm
- So that I don't need to overpower them. The second time I don't need to hold it at all. You've lost this part of the argument. What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:05pm
- Then why do you need to hold it? 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- They don't open the door. What do YOU do?? 3-5-2012 3:04pm
- But you're still overpowering them if they try to open the door. 3-5-2012 3:03pm
- No. I'm not even touching them. What do YOU do??? 3-5-2012 3:02pm
- So you're still overpowering them. 3-5-2012 3:01pm
- I don't need compliant kids to hold a door shut, moron. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- So you got lucky with compliant kids. Same here. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- You are, but I'm not. In my case they don't leave the bathroom. It's easy enough to keep a bathroom door shut, and one time is plenty. 3-5-2012 2:56pm
- But that's what we're discussing here. 3-5-2012 2:55pm
- They don't. 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- What if they leave the bathroom? 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- no, you're not. please read a book on time outs. what you are doing is NOT a time out 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- she's a little crazy 3-5-2012 2:48pm +3 likes
- that's an understatement! 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- Yes. Explain the difference. In each case, you're physically restraining them. 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- dude areyou serious? 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- Why not? 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- retunrin gthem and holding them are NOT the same thing. how in the world do you think that? 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- You've never seen the advice to return a kid to time out over and over and over? Basically, it's holding them in place. 3-5-2012 2:44pm +1 like
- credibility fail #1: "recommened on here" 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- and cover there mouth? please PLEASE link me up to that advice. 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- People hold kids down all the time during tantrums. It's often recommended on here--take them to the timeout spot, hold them there, whatever. 3-5-2012 2:42pm +1 like, -2 dislikes
- you suck 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- God only knows what goes on in her home if she's defending this 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- yeah, I am sancti because I think that's fucked up. 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- NP. Calm down, sancti. 3-5-2012 2:41pm -2 dislikes
- THAT is not good! At some point the physical dynamic will change and what will DH do then? Get pinned and his mouth covered i hope. 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- I hope so too (op here) 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- maybe you need to gt involved. 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- NP. I don't see the big difference here between this and holding a kid in timeout. 3-5-2012 2:41pm +1 like
- you are an idiot then. 3-5-2012 2:42pm +1 like, -1 dislike
- what's the difference between this and holding him in the timeout chair if he keeps getting up from timeout 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- in the first place you are not supposed to hol dyour kid in timeout. you keep putting back until they stay. 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- there's no appreciable difference. In other words, how far do you let them get away? 3-5-2012 2:44pm +1 like
- please get some parenting help if you do not see any issue with a grown adult holding down a toddler and covering their mouth 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- For the record, I don't think either is great; I'm just saying that there's not much of a difference. 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- there is a huge diff and you if are willing to follow the advice of pinning a child down reconsider the advice of...(more) 3-5-2012 2:48pm not pinning a child down& reserach the correct way to administer TOs
- So what do you do if they keep getting up from timeouts? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- you put them back. as many times as it take suntil they stay there of their own volition-not becaus eyou are holding them. holding them is what they want-it's attnetion even...(more) 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- Putting them back is negative attention, too. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- I have to walk away from thispost. Either you are being purposely stupid or you're a troll. Either way I'm done with you. God bles syou. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- You mean you lost the argument. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:13pm
- You mean you lost the argument. 3-5-2012 3:00pm
- I have to walk away from thispost. Either you are being purposely stupid or you're a troll. Either way I'm done with you. God bles syou. 3-5-2012 2:59pm
- Putting them back is negative attention, too. 3-5-2012 2:57pm
- you put them back. as many times as it take suntil they stay there of their own volition-not becaus eyou are holding them. holding them is what they want-it's attnetion even...(more) 3-5-2012 2:54pm
- So what do you do if they keep getting up from timeouts? 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- there is a huge diff and you if are willing to follow the advice of pinning a child down reconsider the advice of...(more) 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- For the record, I don't think either is great; I'm just saying that there's not much of a difference. 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- please get some parenting help if you do not see any issue with a grown adult holding down a toddler and covering their mouth 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- there's no appreciable difference. In other words, how far do you let them get away? 3-5-2012 2:44pm +1 like
- you should not be doing that either. you continue to place them back in TO but you don't hold them there. 3-5-2012 2:44pm
- What difference does it make? 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- the first is lazy and bad parenting, the second is teaching them discipline and consequence. if you are holding them in time out you are defeating the whole purpose of timeout...(more) 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- Right, but if they repeatedly get up, and you keep putting them back, you would have to say that it's also defeating the purpose. 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- no, it isn't. if you are consistent they will stay in TO beacuse they know you will not give in. it will cease to be worth it. holding them down gives them attention which...(more) 3-5-2012 2:50pm is the opposite of the point of a timeout. this is very basic psychology.
- I agree. And if you just hold them until they calm down, you should have the same effect. That's my point, there's no real difference. 3-5-2012 2:53pm
- What do YOU do? 3-5-2012 3:14pm
- I agree. And if you just hold them until they calm down, you should have the same effect. That's my point, there's no real difference. 3-5-2012 2:53pm
- no, it isn't. if you are consistent they will stay in TO beacuse they know you will not give in. it will cease to be worth it. holding them down gives them attention which...(more) 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- Right, but if they repeatedly get up, and you keep putting them back, you would have to say that it's also defeating the purpose. 3-5-2012 2:48pm
- the first is lazy and bad parenting, the second is teaching them discipline and consequence. if you are holding them in time out you are defeating the whole purpose of timeout...(more) 3-5-2012 2:47pm
- What difference does it make? 3-5-2012 2:45pm
- in the first place you are not supposed to hol dyour kid in timeout. you keep putting back until they stay. 3-5-2012 2:43pm
- what's the difference between this and holding him in the timeout chair if he keeps getting up from timeout 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- I agree NP. 3-5-2012 2:42pm
- you are an idiot then. 3-5-2012 2:42pm +1 like, -1 dislike
- I hope so too (op here) 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- You know Cesar Milan is talking baout DOGS with that advice. Not humans? 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- tell that to my DH 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- WHAT????????????? 3-5-2012 2:41pm
- why don't you tell dh that you will take snowflake to another room and tell snowflake that he is going into his stroller PERIOD 3-5-2012 2:46pm
- snowflake can get out of his stroller in about 2 seconds. 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- where are snowys restraints? slap those suckers on, pronto 3-5-2012 2:52pm
- snowflake can get out of his stroller in about 2 seconds. 3-5-2012 2:50pm
- Why? 3-5-2012 2:39pm
- and if he is not, he is training snowflake to buck authority 3-5-2012 2:38pm
- it will continue until DS leaves the house 3-5-2012 2:38pm
- sort of my fear 3-5-2012 2:39pm