New York City

  1. New York City Bar mitzvah gift ideas that are not money - around $150 2-11-2016 5:56pm (3 replies)
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    • You mean in addition to money? 2-11-2016 5:56pm
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    • Cuff links, watch 2-11-2016 5:57pm
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      • i second the watch. my dc got a nice one. Sadly, he never wears it -- uses his phone. 2-11-2016 6:08pm
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  2. New York City I moved out of a rental house. Landlord deducted 3 days of prorated rent from the security deposit for days to clean and paint. Total bull right? Or is this legit? 2-11-2016 2:21pm (10 replies)
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    • did you leave it dirty? 2-11-2016 2:21pm
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      • op: I have no issue with charging for cleaning. But he charged me rent for the day that the cleanging service was there. That seems nuts. who turns over an apt same day? 2-11-2016 2:22pm
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        • well if you move out the am of the first the new tenant expects to move in that afternoon. but no he can't charge you rent days. illegal. 2-11-2016 2:36pm
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          • i have no clue how a new tenant would move in exact same day. dont most landlords at least paint or make small repairs from normal wear and tear? 2-11-2016 3:54pm
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    • it's probably legit -- we all have different definitions of "broom swept" 2-11-2016 2:22pm
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      • op: he charged for the cleaning AND the day. That seems not right 2-11-2016 2:23pm
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    • Not legitimate to deduct days for painting. They are required to paint between tenants usually. Anything else depends on how you left the place, but generally days is not how it...(more) 2-11-2016 2:23pm
      works. They have to give you the actual expenses to fix things that were not normal wear and tear
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      • op: ok, so he charged to clean. and for the day. and a fee to paint. ridic right? 2-11-2016 2:26pm
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        • You need to check the laws for your specific jurisdiction and also check your lease 2-11-2016 2:28pm
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          • op: would that apply if its a house rented by an individual? Lease says nothing about charging for days to turn over. AND... landlord had access to house for at least 4 weeks...(more) 2-11-2016 2:33pm
            before we moved. We asked for a list of items to fix and he gave us nothing
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  3. New York City Went to 3 AA meetings so far and it's a bit intimidating. I cannot speak in front of people, I have no idea how they are so confident and ok with sharing. I am still so ashamed....(more) 2-10-2016 9:43am (16 replies)
    Any advice?
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    • i went for years and never spoke. 2-10-2016 9:43am
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    • there is almost no one at a meeting who hasn't been where you are. being ashamed is something you need to work on letting go of. you should be proud of yourself that you want to...(more) 2-10-2016 9:44am
      address it.
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    • are you the same person who keeps posting on NYC? you might want to move to toddler 2-10-2016 9:45am
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      • why? I am in NYC 2-10-2016 9:48am
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        • Some NYC only get feeds from toddler 2-10-2016 9:50am
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        • because then it's very obvious that it is you posting. 2-10-2016 9:50am
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    • nobody cares if you speak. they are just happy you are there. good for you 2-10-2016 9:45am
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    • I had to leave AA and went into a small group therapy session. I can't talk in front of a crowd. GL 2-10-2016 9:45am
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    • You dont have to. You can try when you feel more ready. 2-10-2016 9:46am
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    • OP: I had no idea SO many people had an issue with alcohol. It really is scary. 2-10-2016 9:46am
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      • well you'll certainly find them at AA meetings! ;-) 2-10-2016 9:47am
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      • Maybe that thought can help lift the shame. 2-10-2016 9:50am
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    • You could also try HAMS. They are free and meet in NYC and have on-line support as well. 2-10-2016 9:47am
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    • There are a couple of therapy practices for this. Center for Optimal Living is one. 2-10-2016 9:49am
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  4. New York City Met a guy on okcupid and we had 2 nice dates. He is soo not my type! like a big dude with motorcycle boots and leather jacket, how do I get out? I was smitten at first cause he is...(more) 2-10-2016 8:59am (5 replies)
    first date since I separated from dh, and I think I may have come on too strong
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    • Ask him when he'd like to go ring shopping 2-10-2016 9:00am
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      • haha good one! 2-10-2016 9:04am
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    • few choices: 1) just fade away 2) tell him you've realized you aren't ready to date 3) tell him you've realized you're not a match 2-10-2016 9:00am
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    • Why do you want to get out? DH is not my type either, and I'm not his 2-10-2016 9:02am
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    • Change your type. Look where your type has gotten you. 2-10-2016 9:02am
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  5. New York City Just had a week from hell as new bf disclosed he was bipolar and doesn't want to speak to me. Needs time to get things right. I want to be there for him, finding it extremely hard...(more) 2-10-2016 8:52am (18 replies)
    to not communicate. We got close and have been intimate and we spoke daily. I wish he would just call....: (
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    • Run 2-10-2016 8:52am
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    • Oh girl- run! 2-10-2016 8:53am
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    • Let him go 2-10-2016 8:53am
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    • You do not want to buy into this hell. 2-10-2016 8:54am
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    • Molly, you in danger girl! Get out while the gettin's good! 2-10-2016 8:54am
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    • No, no, just drop him 2-10-2016 8:54am
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    • OK I guess I know what to do! Thanks! 2-10-2016 8:55am
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    • I have been married 22 years and dh was dx'd bipolar only 18m ago. Very mild but if I could wave a wand and make it disappear, I would. If this boyfriend acts THIS way now - break...(more) 2-10-2016 9:00am
      up, and dont look back.
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      • wow okay I really didn't know the extent of the illness. TY 2-10-2016 9:03am
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        • He could be an asshole, or the behavior could be because of his condition. Nice, considerate, people who are GOOD at relationships have BP, too. Him....cut this one loose, it's...(more) 2-10-2016 9:11am
          pointless delving into why this current behavior is happening.
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          • right. I need to be smart here. Who needs more stress right? 2-10-2016 9:12am
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    • I had to end a friendship of 25 years over bipolar. Unmedicated, she is fucking dangerous and unpredictable. She sends death threats and tries to see my kids. I have a protective...(more) 2-10-2016 9:06am
      order on her and I still do not feel safe. You need to cut and run
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      • This is an extreme case, though. Not typical of BP people, but yes - untreated, it can be untenable for other people 2-10-2016 9:09am
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        • i had no idea 2-10-2016 9:11am
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        • True, it is extreme. She refuses meds. She gave up custody of her 3 kids over this as well. 2-10-2016 9:13am
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          • Omg, poor kids. And, it runs in families, there's good chance one of them will develop it. I hope her exdh is vigilant and knowledgeable. 2-10-2016 9:15am
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            • He is a good guy and dealt with this for years- very successful man - he asked for a divorce and it happened quickly. Sadly, I think that both himself and her family, are...(more) 2-10-2016 9:40am
              positively clueless about it.
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  6. New York City My mother in law picks up my 8 year old one day a week from school and takes her to her business which she owns. My mil then leaves dd for the last 30 minutes with one of her...(more) 2-9-2016 8:14pm (5 replies)
    employees so she can get home early. strange?
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    • yes very, jeez, cant swing 30mins a week with the grandkid 2-9-2016 8:16pm
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    • she does not want to babysit your kid 2-9-2016 8:16pm
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    • Strange of you. 2-9-2016 8:16pm
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    • Do you know this employee?. 2-9-2016 8:17pm
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    • very irresponsible and I would tell her so. 2-9-2016 8:22pm
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  7. New York City Help! newly separated. work full time out of home. i dont get home with kids till about 6:30. by the time I cook and we eat its 730, sometimes earlier if I am just reheating. 2nd...(more) 2-9-2016 8:05pm (23 replies)
    grader has a ton of homework and she's exhausted by the time its time to do it. coupled with mild learning disabilities and sensitive nature its battle royale every night. her after school care cannot help with homework. what do I do??
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    • Tutor. Or ask teacher for the hw packet over the weekend. 2-9-2016 8:06pm
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      • op: cannot afford a tutor 2-9-2016 8:07pm
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        • Weekend packet 2-9-2016 8:08pm
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    • cook on the weekends 2-9-2016 8:07pm
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      • op: but even if I am just reheating we dont start homework till 7. its a disaster. and her poor 4 year old sister is glued to the ipad the entire time so she doesnt distract us....(more) 2-9-2016 8:09pm
        The worst part is dd really needs to do the homework. she struggles a lot. then i get frustrated and yell. we all end up feeling badly
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        • set aside an hour on Sat and Sun mornings for academic review....skip it during the week. 2-9-2016 8:10pm
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          • ^also if she has mild LD, isn't she going to resource room teachers? Have her do her hw there. 2-9-2016 8:11pm
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            • she gets pulled out for reading and speech. they have their own agendas 2-9-2016 8:12pm
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        • Np: she doesn't really need the hw 2-9-2016 8:12pm
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    • hire a college student to do homework with her. change her aftercare situation 2-9-2016 8:07pm
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      • yep 2-9-2016 8:08pm
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        • ^and have her help w/ dinner 2-9-2016 8:09pm
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      • op: aftercare is $15 a DAY. a student would be $15 an HOUR. I cannot afford it 2-9-2016 8:11pm
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    • I'd there an after school where she can do her hw 2-9-2016 8:08pm
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    • can you change the afterschool program? I think its important they help, 7:30 is too late, shes tired 2-9-2016 8:09pm
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      • op: I simply cannot afford to change her after care 2-9-2016 8:09pm
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        • im sorry that sounds tough. 2-9-2016 8:12pm
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    • I think you should ask to speak briefly with the teacher and explain the situation. I think you can ask that, for a time, while you are both getting adjusted to the new situation,...(more) 2-9-2016 8:09pm
      Dd can do less homework. I am a teacher and I am also a divorced mom and I really relate!!
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    • Can you do homeowrk in the morning? My ds is fresher then and better able to focus. I'd also ask the teacher for tips, esp if you're dc has a LD. Good luck. 2-9-2016 8:09pm
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    • scrap the 2nd grade homework...talk to teacher....hw is so not necessary at that age 2-9-2016 8:09pm
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    • come home immediately start cooking. learn 5 recipes that are 15min prep including cooking time. do advance work on weekends to make this happen. do dishes after they go to bed....(more) 2-9-2016 8:11pm
      extend their bedtimes by appx 1hr. that will give you so much more time to get stuff done.
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    • You can't battle over hw when newly separated. Aim lower. 2-9-2016 8:11pm
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  8. New York City I had arthroscopic surgery on my right knee for a torn medial meniscus & crack in cartilage under my knee cap (same knee) I notice now that I have awful arthritic type pain...(more) 2-6-2016 1:30pm (0 replies)
    quite often. will this get better in time or is impermanent? I had the surgery 2 months ago.
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  9. New York City Who is the best marriage counselor in NYC?...(more) 2-6-2016 11:20am (39 replies)
    I twice made out (no sex) with a woman who works at my university and I need to save my marriage. My wife and I have a 12 yo son.
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    • I can rec a good therapist.. hold on 2-6-2016 11:21am
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    • I'll save you 10 grand. Stop doing that, asshole! 2-6-2016 11:24am
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    • are you a man? 2-6-2016 11:26am
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    • why are you cheating? 2-6-2016 11:27am
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      • Not cheating, just a couple of make out sessions. I guess I was unhappy in my life. Not ever happening, again. 2-6-2016 11:28am
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        • or: If your dw sucked someone's dick would you consider it cheating? 2-6-2016 11:29am
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          • I guess you're right even only kissing is cheating. 2-6-2016 11:34am
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        • You should start with your own therapy 2-6-2016 11:30am
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          • Addressing that already. Been in and out of therapy for years. 2-6-2016 11:35am
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            • for what? 2-6-2016 11:40am
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              • Depression & anxiety -- clinical generalized for both 2-6-2016 11:42am
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                • how often do you drink? 2-6-2016 11:46am
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      • I'm 42. We've been together for 17 years -- married for 12. I work around lots of young people at a university. I guess I was feeling like I missed that 30 - 40 age range...(more) 2-6-2016 11:32am
        while with my wife. Not justifying, just speculating what my unconscious mindset was.
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        • or: That's too simple. 2-6-2016 11:34am
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          • I guess. This is the first time anything like this has happened since we've been together. 2-6-2016 11:38am
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        • A lot of people go through that but no everyone acts on it. Worth exploring with yourself. Don't come clean to clear your conscience. You will blow your life up. 2-6-2016 11:34am
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          • She already knows. I'm not sure if we'll stay together, or even if I want to. At this point, we're more like best friends. 2-6-2016 11:36am
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            • You're not though, Bc you cheat. Low integrity. 2-6-2016 11:37am
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              • zing. i think he means we're more like compatible roommates with an arrangement. 2-6-2016 11:41am
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              • Right. We tried to spice up our non-existent sex life, to no avail. After I kiss the other lady, I started paying more attention to my wife. We were having a great time....(more) 2-6-2016 11:41am
                Strange irony.
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                • It's not ironic that when you pay attention to your wife, she responds. 2-6-2016 11:43am
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                  • another zinger. are you a therapist? 2-6-2016 11:46am
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        • You know something, you're not the only one feeling that way. I wonder if you wife has ever felt that way, even once in her entire time with you???? 2-6-2016 11:35am
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          • She said she has had crushes on guys at work, but never acted on it. 2-6-2016 11:36am
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            • and you tell her what? That you have crushes at work but never acted on them? 2-6-2016 11:37am
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          • Also, I was drunk when it happened. Not an excuse, just adds to the inhibition. 2-6-2016 11:37am
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            • You're a nightmare. Hope it was worth it! 2-6-2016 11:38am
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              • I deserve that, too. Definitely was not worth it. 2-6-2016 11:39am
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                • Ok, so it's grown up time. Are you one, or no, not really? 2-6-2016 11:42am
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                  • since he's not answered ONE question about his drinking I wonder if it's okay to say he is an alcoholic. 2-6-2016 11:56am
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            • You were drunk BOTH times it happened? Same woman? 2-6-2016 11:39am
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              • how can you be so drunk as to exercise such poor judgement two times in your life and you're not a frat boy? Do you think you might have a drinking problem? I just don't know that...(more) 2-6-2016 11:43am
                many 40 year olds who get drunk like that anymore. Drink, sure but not drunk.
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            • So go to AA. Alcoholics Anonymous 2-6-2016 11:56am
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  10. New York City Windward...(more) 2-6-2016 9:54am (2 replies)
    School suggested we have ds, 9, go to windward over the summer to work on reading comp and writing. Any info?
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    • post in special needs (only because I have seen posts there about kids at Windward, seems like a great place to remediate dyslexia, 2-6-2016 10:21am
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      • Thanks. I did previously as well, 2-6-2016 12:37pm
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  11. New York City Family Fun NYC Scavenger Hunt...(more) 2-5-2016 4:11pm (0 replies)
    Hello! Hope all is well. I am on the planning committee for an organization called Harlem Routes. Harlem Routes is a competition event that pits teams against one another in a series of hilarious activities and mind-bending clues in a race around Harlem. We are in our second year and are looking to expand our event offering to families. (Currently we serve the young professional community.) Harlem Routes: Family Edition would feature a series of fun activities, problem solving, historical clues, and more. We are really excited about hosting a family event, but we need your help! Please consider completing this short survey (<10 minutes) to help us determine how we can best serve your family. The survey can be found at http://goo.gl/forms/J4SDZXh7So Thank you in advance for your time. Please feel free to contact us at info@harlemroutes.com for more information or visit our website at www.harlemroutes.com. Thanks!
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  12. New York City Recommendation for a therapist (psychologist or social worker)...(more) 2-5-2016 2:11pm (0 replies)
    on UWS who takes Empire PPO- mid-life/empty nest issues
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  13. New York City Ideas for Times Square pre-theater lunch. Many thanks! 2-2-2016 2:39pm (3 replies)
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  14. New York City Any recs for bar/bat mitzvah dj's? 2-2-2016 1:51pm (4 replies)
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    • EK productions- check their site 2-2-2016 1:52pm
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      • ask for DJ benny 2-2-2016 1:54pm
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    • are you conservative? orthdox? 2-2-2016 1:55pm
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      • ortho but very modern so want both israeli and american music 2-2-2016 2:10pm
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  15. New York City Nanny/housekeeper salary...(more) 2-1-2016 5:03pm (7 replies)
    what is a fair salary for 2 kids in school full time 2-7PM Mon-Friday with cleaning house and cooking for kids?
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    • ages of kids? will she be helping with homework? 2-1-2016 5:04pm
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    • elementary school age and yes helps with homework...(more) 2-1-2016 5:05pm
      elementary school age and yes helps with homework
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      • I would say 18-20/hr depending on experience. 2-1-2016 5:07pm
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    • also this is for NYC 2-1-2016 5:05pm
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    • I'm in Boston not NYC but would expect to pay at least $20/hour 2-1-2016 5:07pm
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      • so like $600/wk? 2-1-2016 5:12pm
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      • Manhattan, or outer borough? $20 is the high end in the outer boroughs. 2-2-2016 9:36am
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  16. New York City DH left a year ago for his much younger employee. She has 4 kids of her own (by two different men, never married) and when he has our kids (ages 5 and 9) they all run around and...(more) 1-30-2016 11:27pm (7 replies)
    play happily family, as he lives w her and her children also. And it makes me feel like I am dying.
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    • Hmmm. Would a new man for you help this situation? 1-30-2016 11:28pm
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      • Good question but I'm not ready, in part BC I had breast cancer--had just finished treatment when he left--and I have not completed reconstructive surgery after mastectomy...(more) 1-30-2016 11:30pm
        thought of anyone seeing me naked unfathomable.
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        • This might be the best time to date and find the guy whose into you for YOU. 1-30-2016 11:31pm
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          • ^^^no pressure, just cause getting out and meeting people. 1-30-2016 11:31pm
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    • That must be so hard. But, you have control of your life. Meet someone who values you. You got this. 1-30-2016 11:29pm
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      • See above. I'm not in a place where k feel comfortable dating yet. 1-30-2016 11:30pm
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    • Sorry you're going through this. It must be horrible. But I'm sending you good thoughts and wishing you happiness. 2-1-2016 9:28am
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  17. New York City Had a dream last night that my late grandfather in and for someone reason it's strange to remember his voice so perfectly after 20 years of not hearing it. 1-30-2016 10:56pm (0 replies)
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  18. New York City Repost: Can kids use notes to help get them through middle school interviews/writing assignment? DD suffers from anxiety and has ADD. 1-30-2016 9:57am (1 reply)
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    • IME no, when we applied ds out of Windward he wasn't allowed to have notes for the writing assigmnents, but he had extra time and computer etc for the ISEE....but for the...(more) 1-30-2016 10:00am
      interviews just him.
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  19. New York City Wow- just had an amazing morning date with new bf...he lives on LI but we got a hotel in the city and I had some awesome sex! Finally! YES!!! (just separated mom of 1 dd) had to...(more) 1-29-2016 1:26pm (9 replies)
    come home last night to sleep but went right back this morning. Oh I miss good fun breathy sex. Awesome. Hope you guys get yours on too!
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    • Nice! Not to be a party pooper, but...how will the LI thing work longer term? 1-29-2016 1:29pm
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      • dont know..he has 2 dc's as well who live with their mom. I dont think we're going to become a couple...I think we're just having fun for now. 1-29-2016 1:31pm
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        • Ok. Sorry. I was really clinical about this stuff when I was dating. If the potential end game didn't match up, I just ended things. But if you're just having fun, that is fine....(more) 1-29-2016 1:33pm
          You called him "new BF" so I figured serious.
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          • true, i wasnt sure how to categorize him actually. Lover?? LOL 1-29-2016 1:41pm
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            • that is fine. I went out with a guy for 7 mos or so who had a ton of built-in dealbreakers. I just wanted someone to have sex with and go have the occasional dinner or whatever....(more) 1-29-2016 1:44pm
              The dealbreakers meant I never took it seriously.
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              • yes I think this is where I am. Good to have someone like this once in a while right?! 1-29-2016 1:46pm
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              • also, did you finally meet a keeper? 1-29-2016 1:47pm
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                • Yes, I did! I knew I wasn't ready right when I got divorced, but wanted sex/fun. So the "no strings" thing worked fairly well. Once that was over, I was ready to "really" date...(more) 1-29-2016 1:53pm
                  knew exactly what I wanted.
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                  • Soo happy for you. Great stuff! 1-29-2016 2:13pm
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  20. New York City Anyone on who lives in the area of 105th st and Manhattan Ave? Do you like the area? 1-27-2016 12:30pm (3 replies)
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    • It's so pretty there, and you're right by the park. I looked at a place near there. We didn't take it because the building itself just was not right. 1-27-2016 12:31pm
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    • i used to live at 100 & cpw (a block over) and loved it. 1-27-2016 12:32pm
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    • I have a teenager who will moves around the city on his own and we are unfamiliar with the neighborhood and new to NYC. Thank s for the feedback. 1-27-2016 12:34pm
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  21. New York City Thinking about buying a two family in Nyack. Only need to commute twice a week into the city. Crazy? 1-26-2016 10:06am (3 replies)
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    • nah, even if it's a 2hr commute. 1-26-2016 10:12am
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    • Not for two days at all. Cute town. 1-26-2016 10:18am
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    • I think it's more the two-fam that makes me wonder if I'm nuts. 1-26-2016 10:52am
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  22. New York City For those who have made a bat mitzvah, where did you get dd's dress? 1-25-2016 6:51pm (3 replies)
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    • question: why is it called "making" or "made a Bat Mitzvah? 1-25-2016 6:52pm
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      • it's not. it's a long island colloquialism 1-25-2016 6:59pm
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        • aww. I love stuff like that. Like standing "on line" vs. "In line". 1-25-2016 7:00pm
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  23. New York City Is anyone here a Louise Penny fan? Which book should I start with ? TY 1-25-2016 5:04pm (1 reply)
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    • The first one. They are great. 1-25-2016 5:07pm
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  24. New York City So I'm separated, have one dd, trying to date, attending alanon, trying to figure out what i want and who I am now. I figured out I was like a mommy to my ex, did everything for...(more) 1-25-2016 1:05pm (11 replies)
    him. How do I stop that? I love to cook and be resourceful for others, but I want someone to do that for me now. Any tips?
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    • I think you should live alone for at least a year, and focus on getting divorced/building a nice home w/your dc. 1-25-2016 1:06pm
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      • This is really annoying and condescending advice to her question even if you have btdt. 1-25-2016 1:09pm
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        • why do you say that? 1-25-2016 1:10pm
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          • is it really that hard to understand? 1-25-2016 1:11pm
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            • Yes. Because I truly believe my advice to her is good. 1-25-2016 1:15pm
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              • But that's not what she was asking! Are you divorced? And even if you are it doesn't matter. The 2 are not mutually exclusive. And I find that people are condescending to...(more) 1-25-2016 1:16pm
                divorcing women like this in a way they aren't to men.
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                • she said she wants to figure out who she is and what she wants. It takes time to do that. I would, in fact, advise a man the same way. 1-25-2016 1:18pm
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    • you really need to figure out what it was that attracted you to somoene you neededto mother and why that made you feel good and then see how you can adjust those behaviors. it's a...(more) 1-25-2016 1:07pm
      process
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    • I think it's good to acknowledge that but also be aware that may be the way you show love and that's ok. I am dating someone who is very much an acts of service person and it...(more) 1-25-2016 1:08pm
      almost makes me uncomfortable but I also love it. There are men out there like this.
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    • OP; I appreciate your insights! 1-25-2016 1:09pm
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    • From my experience being a little bit like this myself, the issue is not so much the things that you do (because it seems like you are a kind, nurturing person), but moreso who...(more) 1-25-2016 2:34pm
      you are drawn to...The two are intertwined for sure, but if you could re-orient yourself to people who can give back to you, then your nurturing personality is a positive, not a negative. IMO it takes a lot of time, mistakes, and therapy to be drawn to people that are good for you
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  25. New York City Book recommendations? mystery, crime, or historical fiction, please. many thanks. 1-24-2016 6:35pm (3 replies)
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    • devil in the white city 1-24-2016 6:36pm
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    • department Q series by Jussi Adler-olsen 1-24-2016 6:37pm
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    • rosemary, this is not a love story 1-24-2016 6:53pm
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