Cleveland

  1. Cleveland Why is the heart so cruel. It takes such effort to really remember how things really were. My heart will miss the affair. The attention. I have to stop & dig to remember why I...(more) 7 min ago (4 replies)
    ended it. Sucks. I really miss him, but not enough to reach out.
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • the heart isn't cruel. people who have affairs are cruel. 6 min ago
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • op:not all. I am not cruel. damaged perhaps. 3 min ago
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • keep telling yourself that. you are doing things you would not admit to those you love. 2 min ago
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • was doing. Of course not. Only because I didnt want to hurt them. Or because I was ashamed. 26 sec ago
            log in or sign up to post a comment
  2. Cleveland Sometimes I missed him. I sit tight until the moment passes. I think of reasons of why I dont need him in my life. 7-31-2015 10:27am (23 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • why do you invest in a toxic relationship? 7-31-2015 10:28am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • op: i dont. havent been in with affair in over a month. my thoughts i cant help. just how i act upon them. 7-31-2015 10:33am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • you're a contradiction. you had an affair. 7-31-2015 10:34am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • op:lol, ? Now I dont. 7-31-2015 10:47am
            log in or sign up to post a comment
      • np: OP is saying this for support and encouragement so that she can get past...(more) 7-31-2015 3:56pm
        the affair and improve her situation. shaming and berating OP does not help; if anything it perpetuates the shame cycle, causing that person to feel worse about herself, and it in those lowest of low moments when people are most vulnerable to make poor choices / relapse into the old ways. If you can't me mature enough to encourage positive outcomes, then you're better off saying nothing at all. if anyone is toxic on here it's you.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Are you a therapist? 7-31-2015 5:26pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • I am not a therapist. Just have had to go through a fair amount of my own therapy lately....(more) 8-1-2015 7:04pm
            to OP: I hope you find your peace.
            log in or sign up to post a comment
        • This is so true. Thank you. - np 7-31-2015 6:31pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • op: Thank you so very much! 7-31-2015 7:45pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • brava. Best response for all of us. Thank you 7-31-2015 9:27pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • i'm doing this too. broke it off 2 weeks ago. remind yourself that it was a fantasy. so much better to be free of an affair. i'm still struggling but i know it is for the best 7-31-2015 1:25pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • op; hang in there. 7-31-2015 7:46pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • You too. It is tough. But getting better. I've learned from this. I'm here to chat if you want. Gl to you 7-31-2015 9:28pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I thought mind was over but I contacted him and it's still on. Part of me was relieved when I thought we were through. 7-31-2015 2:38pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Why did you contact him? 7-31-2015 6:28pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Didn't want it to be over 20 hr 52 min ago
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • So are you still seeing him? 13 hr 17 min ago
            log in or sign up to post a comment
      • op: Are you happy? 7-31-2015 7:46pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • As far as I can tell, happier with him in my life than without 20 hr 51 min ago
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • Are you married? 20 hr 6 min ago
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Yes 16 hr 3 min ago
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • Just wondering. I am not married and I am happier without him in my life since he is married. I want him to not be married. But he is happier when I am in his life. 14 hr 26 min ago
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • You are doing the right thing and I'm very glad you are seeing that you're happier without him. I hope you find someone single and available soon. 9 hr 42 min ago
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
  3. Cleveland What would you do if your 16yo dd told you she "wasn't really feeling college" at 18 and she thought she'd go travel and "find herself". She said she might go to college ...(more) 7-31-2015 9:07am (9 replies)
    late 20s.
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I would say fine. You cant live in my home without being in school. 7-31-2015 9:08am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • wrong board^ 7-31-2015 9:08am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • cheating mom has teen dd issues. Maybe she noticed you taking all that dick on the side and wants to get away 7-31-2015 9:08am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • i'd say good luck financing that lifestyle 7-31-2015 9:08am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • np. people go on working vacations all the time. Australia is a really good base for Asia, their high minimum wage goes a long way in places like Indonesia and Thailand 7-31-2015 9:10am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • it's not as easy as you make it out to be in finding employment overseas 7-31-2015 9:11am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • backpackers are a common phenomonen, it's not some bizarre out their concept. In Australia there's even a calendar so you make your way around the country when each region has...(more) 7-31-2015 9:13am
            farms with things in season. It's really easy to save a couple thousand bucks and you can live on that for months in developing countries
            log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I went to college later, and it is a completely different experience. Not necessarily good or bad. 7-31-2015 9:10am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Give her a deadline to move out 7-31-2015 9:11am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  4. Cleveland I'm a feminist but I get such a thrill from my affair saying degrading things to me. 7-31-2015 7:26am (11 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • wow, you're really in a low place emotionally. i'm very sorry. 7-31-2015 7:26am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • such as? 7-31-2015 7:27am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • bitch,slut,whore, etc 7-31-2015 7:40am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • why do you think so little of yourself to get a thrill out of this? 7-31-2015 7:41am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I would not like this at all. I like the dirty talk,but no way to that 7-31-2015 8:09am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • DITTO!!! 7-31-2015 11:46pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • So whats acceptable dirty talk from a man? 7-31-2015 11:46pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • I'm not sharing, but it does not involve degrading names. 8-1-2015 9:51am
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • Not looking for dirty chat, genuinely curious. 8-1-2015 1:41pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
    • If you're an obedient little cumbucket, maybe he'll let you clean his kitchen 7-31-2015 7:27am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Aw, that's so sad. :-( 7-31-2015 7:31am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  5. Cleveland I'm in love with a married man. Together 7 months, spent the day Tuesday at a park, kissing, talking, staring into each other's eyes, holding each other. I love him. We talk...(more) 7-30-2015 9:09pm (20 replies)
    On the phone hours every day at work, text at night. I am crazy as hell about him. This sucks so bad :(
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Yes, it sucks because you suck. 7-30-2015 9:12pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • I know, but I am madly in love with him :( 7-30-2015 9:13pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Why did you let this happen?? 7-30-2015 9:14pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • np no you are not. you have issues way bigger than all the feels you think you ate feeling for him. 7-30-2015 9:15pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • you are very naive. you are headed for abject misery, sister. 7-30-2015 9:13pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • and do not kid yourself that you and he are "together." you're not. he is together with his wife and using you for free sex. truth. 7-30-2015 9:14pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • This 7-30-2015 9:14pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I'm using him for his huge dick too, believe me, there is the extra Emo, I know, but I know he will never leave. Not even a possibility 7-30-2015 9:15pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • He's using both his dw and his affair. He's scum. 7-30-2015 9:31pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Op- I've had like 7 affairs in the past. This is beyond different. I'm not naive. I know it will end in misery, that's why I said it sucks. I never have gotten Emo like this....(more) 7-30-2015 9:14pm
        Stupid I know
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Can you not find an unmarried man? You must be addicted to the drama 7-30-2015 9:17pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • I'm fucking a single guy too, 4 years in. But it's not Emo. 7-30-2015 9:18pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Lady you are so fucked up. If you're not fake. You tell us about your single constantly but you say 3 yrs not 4. 7-31-2015 12:27am
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • It's now closer to 4 years 7-31-2015 7:30am
                log in or sign up to post a comment
        • do what you can to remove yourself from the situation. you must. don't let a stupid thing like this break you. 7-30-2015 9:17pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • fake 7-30-2015 9:57pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • He will not choose you over his wife. He will dump you the second she finds out. 7-30-2015 9:14pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Op- I know this, he has told me, I've known from the beginning. He's known her 10x longer than me, they have a life together. I know how pathetic it is. That's why I have 2...(more) 7-30-2015 9:17pm
        other guys I keep around as back up
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • My dh left his wife but he was halfway out the door anyway. 7-30-2015 9:17pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • This. But not necessarily because he loves his wife, but because is a coward. When it does, and it will, op will look back one day and thank her lucky stars she isn't married to...(more) 7-30-2015 9:30pm
        a lying sleazy POS.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
  6. Cleveland Long term affair moms- have you had other affairs? What about your affair partner? 7-30-2015 4:49pm (6 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • No and no 7-30-2015 5:06pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • No. No. 7-30-2015 7:17pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Do you honestly believe him? 7-31-2015 1:19pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I do. He has cheated before but never had an LTA. 7-31-2015 1:41pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • ^ I made the first move for the affair, not him. 7-31-2015 1:41pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
    • No. Affair is not married. 7-31-2015 12:29am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  7. Cleveland If your kids found out you were having an affair they would be.... 7-30-2015 12:29pm (6 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • seriously? 7-30-2015 12:30pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • confused and worried and sad 7-30-2015 12:30pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Devastated . They are upset when people they know go through divorce and have asked if it was going to happen to us 7-30-2015 12:34pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • They are little and wouldn't have understood. There's always a change they'll find out when they are older, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Fwiw I have a friend who...(more) 7-30-2015 12:39pm
      stayed with cheating dh after a very long separation. When he came back, he told the kids what he had done so they understood their mother wasn't at fault. I think they benefited by seeing their parents work through it, and learning the power of forgiveness. In other words, not all kids are ruined and hate the cheating parent forever
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • good for them. i wasnt ruined just banished my dad from my life. best of luck to you. 7-30-2015 1:34pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I'm sure there is more to this than your father having an affair. Did he leave your mother? Serial cheater? Shitty father in other ways? If he cheated, was repentant, and your...(more) 7-30-2015 3:37pm
          family stayed together, then your banishing him says a lot about you. Good luck to you.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
  8. Cleveland 5yr here. got a glimpse of him yesterday on my way to work. felt nothing. ahhhh. 7-30-2015 12:25pm (1 reply)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Good for you!!! 7-30-2015 1:20pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  9. Cleveland I have 3 guys right now. One fwb that I see once a week, no emotions, 3 yrs; one very close boyfriend talk hours a day and see about 2x a month, sometimes quick meetings just to...(more) 7-29-2015 5:06pm (7 replies)
    say hi, 7 months; and one hot as hell guy I rarely talk to but we hook up once a month, 6 months. This is actually the perfect balance for me.
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Did you meet them online or in real life? 7-29-2015 10:39pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • 2 online, 1 in real life 7-30-2015 4:11pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Do they know about each other? 7-29-2015 10:50pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • why do you re-post this all the time, but then don't want to answer questions? it's like you're taking inventory once a week. 7-30-2015 3:22pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I thought I could have sex with a guy with no emotions, but I couldn't do it. Getting attached and I know how stupid it is. 7-30-2015 4:11pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • You could probably find a 2nd guy and remain unemotional 7-30-2015 6:49pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
  10. Cleveland Got on AM to distract myself and met a really adorable guy. Meeting in person next week. I should not do this. 7-28-2015 11:24pm (4 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • You should not 7-28-2015 11:46pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • For dinner? Coffee? Will you be physical with him right away? 7-29-2015 11:52am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • At a club. No, will have my period which is just as well. I don't want to jump into bed minutes after meeting. He knows it's not gonna happen too so no expectations. He's super...(more) 7-29-2015 11:03pm
        excited, it's so cute.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • no. you should not. 7-30-2015 12:19pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  11. Cleveland Has anyone here successfully changed something big about themself? Like an unhealthy pattern or habit or addiction? Need inspiration. Thanks 7-28-2015 4:05pm (10 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • read "out of the shadows" by Patrick Carnes. 7-29-2015 10:00am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • What are you wanting to change? Get out of your affair or something else? 7-29-2015 12:52pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • yes. put myself first. respect myself more. overall higher expectations better mom, better wife, better woman. 7-30-2015 12:20pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • please, please, tell me how you did that. be specific, i'm drowning in my own tears and i have no idea how to put myself first because i feel like what i want is to be with this...(more) 7-30-2015 12:30pm
        man, even though he is proving to be a suicide trigger for me.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Np which affair mom are you? You need a therapist. No man is worth being suicidal over. It sounds like you are addicted to the drama, which is not uncommon. 7-30-2015 12:36pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • i'm not outing myself on here; you people excoriated me repeatedly over the last year. 7-30-2015 2:33pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Hi June mom 7-30-2015 3:41pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
            • np: you can't do this alone. It's okay to seek the help of a therapist and 7-31-2015 12:32am
              log in or sign up to post a comment
    • stopped biting nails. 7-30-2015 12:21pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  12. Cleveland Please tell me how great it's going to be once I clear him from my mental space. How much more I'll be able to accomplish and enjoy out of life. I need encouragement :( 7-28-2015 4:01pm (3 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I'm going through the same thing. What's your situation? 7-29-2015 1:48pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • its so great. you wont be a slave to your phone. make time for yourself. worry whats going on in his head. 7-30-2015 12:22pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • you'll be more present with friends and family. you'll be less distracted and...(more) 7-31-2015 4:00pm
      you'll sleep a lot better too. you'll feel so much better about yourself.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  13. Cleveland Anyone on? 7-27-2015 6:56am (2 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
  14. Cleveland Does your DH ever get foot massages? 7-26-2015 8:50pm (3 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • No. Why would he? 7-26-2015 8:53pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • no one who touch his feet 7-26-2015 8:55pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • is that when you jack off between 2 oiled feet? 7-27-2015 1:55pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  15. Cleveland *No flames post* People having affairs...does it ever bother you that you cannot do certain things? 7-26-2015 8:40pm (25 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • You mean with affair? 7-26-2015 8:41pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • DH is a nasty man. He also stopped having sex with me. The decision to have an affair was very, very easy. And no regrets. 7-26-2015 8:41pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • why don't you divorce? 7-26-2015 8:42pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • But do you feel like you can't do certain things in public? 7-26-2015 8:47pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Not anymore, but yes I would get sad that we couldn't go do normal things, would never meet each other's friends, that sort of thing 7-26-2015 8:48pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Are you with him/her officially now? 7-26-2015 8:49pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • No, it's over. 7-26-2015 8:50pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
      • ^^and I know it bothered him a lot, that he couldn't hold my hand, be affectionate in public, etc. 7-26-2015 8:50pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Yea, that's the thing 7-26-2015 8:50pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • He was single, though, so I'm not sure a married man would have those same feelings 7-26-2015 8:52pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • may I ask? Did you think about him when you were not with him? 7-26-2015 9:05pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • Oh yes. All the time. 7-26-2015 9:12pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • Do you think he thought of you? Cause I am you. :( 7-26-2015 9:15pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
                  • You are a dw seeing a single guy? I know my guy thought about me a lot, and I know it started to eat at him. The fact that he grew to care about someone who wasn't available on...(more) 7-26-2015 9:25pm
                    many levels. He told me this several times and finally concluded it was too painful to continue. And it was not in his best interests and was stopping him from finding true happiness. I was fairly devastated to end the relationship but I let him go because I did truly care about him and what we were doing was harming us both.
                    log in or sign up to post a comment
                    • Both married 7-26-2015 9:27pm
                      log in or sign up to post a comment
                      • You've got it bad, I take it? 7-26-2015 9:30pm
                        log in or sign up to post a comment
                        • yes. he's the one who started talking about feelings though 7-26-2015 9:38pm
                          log in or sign up to post a comment
                          • Yeah, it just gets deeper and deeper. I'm sure you know, but you will never find happiness going this route. The deeper you go, the more painful it will be. :-( 7-26-2015 9:40pm
                            log in or sign up to post a comment
                            • I should just walk away 7-26-2015 9:55pm
                              log in or sign up to post a comment
                    • You sound like my guy. Why couldn't you leave? Just not on the table? Mine is going back and forth. I had to walk away. 7-26-2015 10:52pm
                      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • the biggest thing is not being able to spend the night together. To wake up together 7-26-2015 9:26pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Stop trying to normalize having an affair 7-26-2015 9:27pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Yea, I know it's fucked up, Big time 7-26-2015 9:27pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Yes. It's the main reason we keep breaking up. 7-26-2015 10:50pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  16. Cleveland PSA - Don't have an affair. 7-26-2015 12:22am (1 reply)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • too late 7-26-2015 6:01pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  17. Cleveland Affair and I split up very suddenly a year ago. He crossed a line with me and I was just done. I hadn't seen him since then, although in March he sent me a breezy "best wishes"...(more) 7-25-2015 12:21am (7 replies)
    email for my birthday. I didn't acknowledge it. I knew I'd see him this summer, bc we work out in the same outdoor track. I saw him there today and he started jumping up and down, calling my name across several lanes and waving with a huge smile on his face, trying to get my attention. WTF? I played deaf. Why is he acting this way?
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • What was the line he crossed? You definitely still like him. 7-25-2015 12:23am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • OP: I know you won't believe me but I don't like him. I was relieved when it ended bc I was getting sick of him. I have scarcely thought about him and I just want to act like the...(more) 7-25-2015 12:24am
        whole thing never happened.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • he's not as emotionally invested as you are, so he figures why the hell not 7-25-2015 12:24am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • OP: why would you bug someone who obviously no longer wants to talk to you? 7-25-2015 12:25am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • pride/maybe he is so dense that he thinks she still has a shot. 7-27-2015 10:30am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • He never got the closure he needed. 7-27-2015 11:14am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • You imagined he did this. He probably just waved. 7-27-2015 5:23pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  18. Cleveland I am the wife. I am trying to figure out, from the caught cheater's perspective, what the likelihood of dh still thinking of/wanting his mistress now that he claims it is over. It...(more) 7-23-2015 4:23pm (72 replies)
    was a 3 year affair. Could you tell me if you've btdt? TIA
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I'm divorced from a chronic cheater. He gets off on lying to you. 7-23-2015 4:23pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • ^and my ex and I had sex EVERY DAY. I'm a great partner. We screwed every way possible. No amount of sex keeps these narcissists from straying. 7-23-2015 4:25pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • ^he will put ALL of the work on you. And if you decide it isn't worth it, he will BLAME YOU for the demise of the relationship. He'll say he was trying, and that it is your fault...(more) 7-23-2015 4:28pm
          for not forgiving him.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • ^if he goes back to his affair, he will say you DROVE him back with your suspicious questions and lack of trust. 7-23-2015 4:31pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • ^he only wants you to keep face with his family and because he makes life easy. He lied for three years (AT LEAST) and he will lie more. 7-23-2015 4:55pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
          • Your ex sounds like a sociopath and an asshole. And a sex addict. np 7-24-2015 10:00am
            log in or sign up to post a comment
    • How satisfying is his sex life right now? 7-23-2015 4:24pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • we have sex a lot. that was never the issue 7-23-2015 4:46pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I bet he wants more of that pussy. 7-23-2015 4:25pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • havent been caught yet but it depends on how much he wants to be in the marriage right now. 7-23-2015 4:26pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Could you walk away without thinking of someone after 3 years? 7-23-2015 4:29pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • no but I am a needy woman. he is a man. maybe it is different. 7-23-2015 4:46pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • ^plus I filed for divorcce 7-23-2015 4:47pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • ^he is begging me to stay swears he has cut her off 7-23-2015 4:47pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
      • np:I did it after 5yrs! yes. 7-24-2015 10:16am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • You were not caught. You drifted away naturally. 7-24-2015 10:23am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Are you a dw or dh? How long did it take? Were you caught? Tia 7-24-2015 10:59am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • If it's who I think she's a dw in a long term long distance affair that ran its course. Not the same as your situation. 7-24-2015 12:02pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • or: i am same poster as below. was in 3 yr caught by his wife. i am also 5yr affair mom. 7-24-2015 1:32pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
          • or: no I was not caught on my end. im a dw. i still think of him but not enough to want him back. fell into 5yr affair shortly after. 7-24-2015 1:42pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • That's why. You have another outlet. 7-24-2015 4:07pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • yes..BUT... did end up ending that one too. Affair free & it feels great. with that first guy, he kept coming back. I wish his wife would just let him go. she deserves more then...(more) 7-24-2015 4:52pm
                that piece of shit.
                log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I recognize you and your story from the toddler board....(more) 7-23-2015 5:00pm
      I have been in an on again off again affair for more than 3 years. He was caught once and was in agony for months and close to a breakdown at the thought of losing his family. It was really bad. Yet, once things settled down he reached out to me again. He is currently struggling with leaving for real now. I say all this because I know from your toddler board posts that their affair was emotional. I honestly think that when faced with the loss of his family your dh is freaking the fuck out. How much of it is about losing you, you can only know or guess. It's up to you do decide how much of that uncertainty you can accept. Also it's very, very early in the process. Don't make any decisions now. Truthfully he probably in his mind is done with her at this moment, but long term is another story.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • I also agree with the poster above that he will try to turn things around on you later if he decides he wants out after all. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But he will want it on...(more) 7-23-2015 5:03pm
        his terms, not yours, if he does want out.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Op-thank you for your response. Can I ask you a question? I am not trying to flame but do you feel bad about what you are putting his wife through? The mental anguish and agony?...(more) 7-23-2015 6:58pm
        This is a huge betrayal. To be caught and then go back again is huge Tia
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I do. But I am more bothered by what he is doing to her, the woman he is married to. I want him to leave her or stay out of my life, but when he reaches out I've so far been too...(more) 7-23-2015 7:34pm
          weak to ignore him. Though I eventually tire of the emotions (guilt, frustration, shame) and cut it off again.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • ^your dhs affair likely feels similarly. It's not that we don't feel for the wife or feel bad for what we are doing, but the attachment and feelings towards the man override...(more) 7-23-2015 7:39pm
            those feelings. This is not an excuse or justification, I'm just explaining why I (and I assume she) would stick around. It's part attachment and part weakness, and the fact that the loyalty lies with him, not you. Even if she thinks you are a perfectly nice person and undeserving of being cheated on.
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • But I was pregnant. Don't you find that deplorable? They went out of town when do was 6 weeks old. I wasn't even done with my postpartum bleeding 7-23-2015 11:09pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • Yeah that is pretty fucking terrible. But your issue should be with him, not her and what she thinks. 7-23-2015 11:48pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
              • np - that is crappy, but he probably explained it all so that she felt sorry for him. She's probably pissed off with you for being some horrible shrew who won't let him go and be...(more) 7-24-2015 12:56pm
                happy even though you don't love him - evidenced by the fact that you don't care if he is happy as long as he is supporting you.
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • She's probably not mad at her. 7-24-2015 1:05pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
        • np - but I'm more bothered that he won't just break clean with her. His cowardice is annoying and it is hurting everyone. He wouldn't love her over me no matter what I did, he'd...(more) 7-24-2015 12:02pm
          just treat her worse if he didn't have me because he'd resent her for his being too chicken shit to leave.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • This is not uncommon 7-24-2015 12:04pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Not trying to flame either, but consider it this way: do you think your DH was thinking about the damage he was doing to his affair's DH?...(more) 7-29-2015 1:43pm
          Was he thinking about what he was putting that man through? Cheaters aren't thinking of anyone but themselves, and hoping they don't get caught.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • My advice from an all too experienced cheater, is do not look to the other woman or cheaters for the answers. 7-23-2015 8:33pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • So you're saying I'm the problem?! 7-23-2015 11:08pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I think she's saying you need to decide for yourself what you can and cannot live with. - or from above. 7-24-2015 12:17am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • postes below...no, he is the problem. 7-24-2015 10:08am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I was the affair. Spoke to wife...she called me. 2 wks later HE called me. & we continued affair. This happened 3x. Such a waste. He wanted me to run away with him. yeah, rightm...(more) 7-24-2015 10:07am
      when I spoke with wife she told me how he'd threatened to killhimself if SHE left him. Its long over now but I know hes out there still fucking around. Sorry for your troubles.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Yuck. I'm glad you are rid of him (op) 7-24-2015 10:59am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • or:me too...be was gorgeous tho, but glad to be done with him. 7-24-2015 1:35pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • The odds that it is really over is -45%. Negative. That is like a unicorn. 7-24-2015 11:59am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • This. They just take it underground. Hide it better and they will now be tormented lovers thinking they have the love story of the century. 7-24-2015 12:17pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I disagree. There is a very good chance that being caught has scared him straight. My affair is over. I still think about him and care for him, but not enough to risk hurting...(more) 7-24-2015 3:35pm
          dh and kids.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • you're a woman. 7-24-2015 3:43pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Well yes, but I think men can be scared straight too. Not all, but some. 7-24-2015 3:45pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • yeah - unicorns.. 7-24-2015 3:50pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • How do you know? Are you a dh? Have asked every single affair dh? 7-24-2015 3:55pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
                  • You are right. I don't KNOW. But I'll tell you that everything I've experienced and seen and read has said that I'm right. Having been in the midst of it - it is like giving up...(more) 7-24-2015 4:00pm
                    smoking or drinking and I will tell you that I will never ever believe an addict has stopped the addiction either based on my experiences. Yes, sure, it happens.. some people kick it. I've not met any and even then - you can have 30 sober years on you but that cig or glass of wine will STILL call your name.
                    log in or sign up to post a comment
                    • SLA dh? 7-24-2015 4:08pm
                      log in or sign up to post a comment
                      • I don't know what SLA means, but I'm not a man. I'm also not married. 7-24-2015 4:10pm
                        log in or sign up to post a comment
              • They can, sure. But every situation is different - how much they care about the marriage and all that comes with it (good and bad) vs how they feel about the affair partner vs...(more) 7-24-2015 4:01pm
                logistics vs money vs whatever else. No 2 are alike.
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • ^ but if the feelings in the affair are real then there is always the danger of being reignited. 7-24-2015 4:03pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
        • THIS! 7-25-2015 6:31pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • He wants her more now sadly. 7-24-2015 12:41pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Fuck 7-24-2015 1:49pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • I doubt that. Maybe still thinks about her, but doesn't mean he still wants her. 7-24-2015 3:37pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I had a long affair, was caught and couldn't give him up. Was in and out of the affair for a long time before it ended. Its like telling a crack addict to give up cold turkey....(more) 7-24-2015 3:58pm
      Its really fucking hard
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Im a dw who was caught. I've been scared straight. There is no way in hell I am going to risk my marriage and family again. Dh and I are in therapy and I know it's a long road but...(more) 7-24-2015 5:23pm
      I am so committed to change and figure out what we and I need to do so this never ever happens again.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • but do you still think about him and want him? did the feelings go away? 7-24-2015 6:18pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • if this is op you are looking for answers we cannot give you. he cannot give you. she cannot give you. Nobody can say. YOU have to decide what you can and can't deal with knowing...(more) 7-24-2015 6:24pm
          what you know now. That said, if you stay I'd advise you to always check up on him unless you want your head in the sand (and some do and are ok with that). Protect yourself - whether that means staying or leaving. The people here can't give you the answers.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Or: I think about him but more in a how pathetic kind of way. The feelings I had even a few months ago are already long gone for me 7-24-2015 9:39pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I don't know how men think, but I know I couldn't be involved with someone for years and never thing about him again. was his emotional or claim it was purely sexual? 7-25-2015 10:13am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • it wasn't just sexual. feelings were involved for sure 7-25-2015 7:46pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Did he admit it? 7-25-2015 10:22pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • My dh is a chronic cheater. judge-away. When he gets caught he throws the affair to the side like a bad habit then says the nastiest things about her. If he want her then so be it...(more) 7-25-2015 11:37pm
      be it.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • For a second, I thought I was the other woman in this post. My aff was emotional and was close to 3 years. He got caught, backed off for a while, came back and got caught again....(more) 7-30-2015 7:55pm
      The only difference is I don't think my EA's wife was pregnant. When I think about her catching him my feelings are for me and quite often for his wife. I think how horrible she must feel. I actually think about it a lot. But just as the poster above replied, the attachment we had was stronger.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  19. Cleveland Why do all these men on AM say the same thing? Looking for passion, intimacy, friendship, I have a good marriage and am not looking to change my situation or yours. They all say...(more) 7-23-2015 12:03pm (30 replies)
    that. Are they being honest or just saying what women want to hear? Why are so many saying the same thing? Are there really millions of married men in this situation? I wonder how their dws feel about the marriage. Someone should do a study on this.
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • having an affair is a cliche, so why not just go with it? 7-23-2015 12:04pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • I am sure that many people are reasonably happy in their marriages but would like some sex on the side. It's not a big mystery. 7-23-2015 12:07pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • IME, people who think they are happy but want more sex actually have miserable marriages and the lack of sex is a symptom of that. 7-23-2015 12:08pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • or: I disagree. I think that the idealized notion of a happy marriage is pretty rare and that people can be happy with their spouses and still want sex with other people. Marriage...(more) 7-23-2015 12:09pm
          was developed when people lived 30-40 years. Not 100.
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • justify it however you like. i stand by what I've said. 7-23-2015 12:11pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • or: I am not justifying it, I am just saying that this is the reality 7-23-2015 12:12pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • you are. you're softening/justifying your choice to step out and betray your partner. 7-23-2015 12:13pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • or: I don't cheat, but it doesn't mean I don't understand how people do. Just because I don't engage in a certain behavior doesn't mean I can't see the other perspective....(more) 7-23-2015 12:14pm
                  you disagree, it's important to understand that the way you live your life isn't the way everyone else does
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
    • DH here: I haven't cheated, but my experience and that of many of my guy friends is that often the DW simply loses interest in sex, although is often willing to go through the...(more) 7-23-2015 12:14pm
      motions. This is unbelievably demoralizing to men. It makes the rest of the marriage feel like a sham a lot of the time. Not that this justifies cheating, and I haven't done it myself, but I totally get the motivation, and these accounts are pretty plausible. Also, DWs seem to get pretty angry a lot of the time, I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy the way my DW seems to feel free to talk to me.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • do you discuss those issues with her? 7-23-2015 12:16pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • We're working on them. As I said, I'm not a cheater, but I can totally understand how people get to a place where they feel justified. 7-23-2015 12:17pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • that's exactly it, though. it's a justification, and avoids the actual issues. 7-23-2015 12:18pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Well, you sometimes reach a point where you are at in impasse on those issues, and the choice becomes cheat or blow up the family. I try not to judge people who reach that point 7-23-2015 12:19pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • cheating IS blowing up the family. More than breaking up does. 7-23-2015 12:20pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • I think that varies based on circumstances. 7-23-2015 12:21pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
                  • The toxicity in the household is just off the charts if someone is cheating. 7-23-2015 12:22pm
                    log in or sign up to post a comment
      • maybe the anger is justified. My dh does things that would make any woman angry. 7-23-2015 12:31pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Even when anger is justified, there should be a limit on how it is expressed. Everyone of course gets justifiably angry with their spouse from time to time 7-23-2015 12:59pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
      • then why do they want to stay in their marriage? 7-23-2015 12:35pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • Kids, usually. Or the marriage has turned into a friendship that is genuinely good but sexually problematic. 7-23-2015 12:58pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • OP. The other interesting common thread in a lot of profiles is that they want one long term affair, not a bunch of hookups. That's interesting as well. 7-23-2015 12:30pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Risk management. Multiple affairs give a much higher chance of being caught than if you can find a single discreet person. 7-23-2015 1:01pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • and they don't have to work as hard. Win one woman over instead of constant pursuit. 7-23-2015 4:06pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • Yup. Way more efficient. 7-23-2015 4:25pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • Probably true, and thinking about it enrages me. 7-24-2015 3:39pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
        • I think also they do want a connection they don't have at home. Sure some get off on sex with a variety but some are just human and are lonely. 7-23-2015 5:47pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • They are comfortable enough at home. They see their kids every day. Their wife takes care of them. They are mildly to extremely restless and don't want to give up the things I...(more) 7-23-2015 3:21pm
      mentioned prior. They can compartmentalize this stuff. Women often feel the same about marriage but their unhappiness/restlessness seeps into their lives more and they often are willing to change the situation (divorce) more than men.
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • ^ And they (men and women) go into it thinking they don't/won't want to change their situation but then feelings and emotions get involved and it fucks it all up. 7-23-2015 3:27pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • YES YES YES!!!! 7-23-2015 4:04pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • np: Vanilla is good, but sometimes you want to try pistachio. 7-24-2015 8:30am
            log in or sign up to post a comment
  20. Cleveland I hate him but want him to want me. 7-22-2015 3:23pm (4 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • word...(more) 7-22-2015 3:24pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Me too. 7-22-2015 4:15pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • That's fine until it takes over your life. 7-23-2015 8:42am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • it has. I'm a mess. 7-23-2015 11:53am
        log in or sign up to post a comment
  21. Cleveland Exaffair use to get all pissy when I didnt reach out He made no effort & had the balls to be upset. wtf? 7-22-2015 11:56am (9 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • control 7-22-2015 11:57am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • was it? unvelievable. & when I didnt a text. or went mia he'd complain on how I could do this to him when I was all he had. ugh. just thinking about it sounds so pathetic. 7-22-2015 12:03pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Send him tit pics 7-22-2015 12:02pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • are you 12? 7-22-2015 12:09pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Narcissistic tantrum. Is he married? 7-22-2015 12:14pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • interesting. no, he is not. 7-22-2015 12:33pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • And you are? Well that makes sense that he'd want you to reach out more. 7-22-2015 2:09pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • but t act like a child when I didnt answer his texts or if I had free time & didnt include him. 7-22-2015 2:27pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
  22. Cleveland What kind of underwear or panties does your affair wear? 7-21-2015 5:08pm (5 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • He wears boxer brief panties 7-21-2015 5:09pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Boxers 7-21-2015 5:11pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Boxer Brits 7-21-2015 5:21pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • boxers. 7-22-2015 9:52am
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • she wear silky boy shorts and looks incredible in them! 7-22-2015 6:37pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  23. Cleveland He has another woman whom he has not called in 18 months. he called her last week to see if the three of us could get together (with my permission). however, he seemed so...(more) 7-21-2015 2:49pm (19 replies)
    solicitous of her and when I spoke with her, she implied that they has a special relationship and she made it sound like she had some kind of insight into his sould or something. like they shared something i don't have with him but desperately want and that he's been witholding from me but had given to her. i am obsessed with her now. i thought this would be a fun physical thing, but now i am torn apart. i hate myself for ever having gotten into this at all, no less getting so far over my head that i want to die.
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • it sounds so comforting and romantic. I understand why you're so into it. 7-21-2015 2:52pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • no need to be cruel. it was comforting and romantic, until it wasn't. 7-21-2015 2:52pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • lie down with pigs... 7-21-2015 2:53pm
          log in or sign up to post a comment
          • why are you on cleveland? 7-21-2015 2:53pm
            log in or sign up to post a comment
            • do you really need to be in an echo chamber of positive reinforcement? 7-21-2015 2:55pm
              log in or sign up to post a comment
              • you are a nasty piece of work and i'm in enough misery. logging off. 7-21-2015 2:56pm
                log in or sign up to post a comment
                • just stop having an affair. get some therapy. and start managing your life better. 7-21-2015 2:58pm
                  log in or sign up to post a comment
                  • i love him. stupid i know, but i love him. he does not love me. i can stop but i have no idea how to get my life in order. 7-21-2015 3:00pm
                    log in or sign up to post a comment
                    • this is why you need therapy. love isn't a feeling. your life is all fucked up, and it is more amusing to imagine some connection with this jackass than it is to work on your...(more) 7-21-2015 3:01pm
                      issues.
                      log in or sign up to post a comment
                      • thanks 7-21-2015 3:07pm
                        log in or sign up to post a comment
                        • that sounded dismissive. i really am grateful for your advice and time. i just feel so lost in neediness. i can't grasp all this "love yourself" advice. i don't love myself. 7-21-2015 3:09pm
                          log in or sign up to post a comment
                          • see, that's really key. I floundered around a lot for years doing really toxic, destructive things. Life can be good. And it doesn't have to appear good to anyone--what they say...(more) 7-21-2015 3:15pm
                            and think doesn't matter. It has to feel good and safe to YOU.
                            log in or sign up to post a comment
                            • i feel bored, lonely, unaccomplished, damaged, inhibited and insecre. 7-21-2015 3:24pm
                              log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Walk away. He's not that great. It's an addiction for you. 7-21-2015 4:49pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • Probably true np 7-21-2015 4:58pm
        log in or sign up to post a comment
      • op = that's exactly what it is. i feel sick at the tought of my life without him, yet, what do i really have now? and any time i try to reach him and can't, i imagine him with...(more) 7-22-2015 8:44am
        her.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
        • this is fucking with your well-being. take care of yourself and get out. You'll feel better in less than a week, i promise. 7-23-2015 11:54am
          log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Please. That bitch is just fucking with you. Don't do it though. You sound too damaged. This rendezvous will only damage you further. Be strong. 7-21-2015 5:26pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
      • i am feeling pretty damaged right now. and yes, at first, i thought she was just kind of shooting the breeze with me. but now i feel like she was definitely trying to throw me...(more) 7-22-2015 8:52am
        off balance.
        log in or sign up to post a comment
  24. Cleveland Is your guy a loser or is he successful, accomplished, has a great career? 7-20-2015 4:29pm (3 replies)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
    • he's a cheater, ergo...loser. 7-20-2015 4:31pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • Let's just say it hasn't been the best year for him. 7-20-2015 4:55pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
    • middle of the road. Owns his own small business. 7-21-2015 12:11pm
      log in or sign up to post a comment
  25. Cleveland I REFUSE to contact him. Its been over a week since we last hooked up. Still a part of me would love to hear from him. Not worth me reaching out for but still. 7-20-2015 3:43pm (1 reply)
    permalink | log in or sign up to post a comment
next page »