Cleveland

  1. Cleveland Spent another wonderful day with affair, but it really is hard coming back home to my awful marriage and knowing he's going back to his great fun life. I don't want him to...(more) 4 hr 20 min ago (8 replies)
    miserable like me -- i want to be happy like him.
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    • Is he single? 4 hr 19 min ago
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      • No, he's married 4 hr 18 min ago
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        • Why does he have such a great life at home and still cheat? He must be a real asshole or lying? What is wrong in your life? 4 hr 17 min ago
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          • He says he doesn't have emotional connection to dw anymore and we are very close. My situation is...(more) 4 hr 13 min ago
            That i'm co-dependent married to alcoholic. Just figured that out, thought I was going crazy from the shit going on in my marriage.
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            • Why do you say that he has a fun life then? 4 hr 11 min ago
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    • if his life is so great why is he sneaking around w/you? 4 hr 19 min ago
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      • Fuck, I don,t know. He says he loves me and always talks about being together "someday" but I am not believing that. 4 hr 16 min ago
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        • well you shouldn't believe it. he's a liar. and a cheater. 4 hr 15 min ago
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  2. Cleveland I finally told affair I'm moving out of state in a few weeks. I didn't get the reaction I was expecting, it was a very odd thing. His friend seemed more shocked and sad than...(more) 16 hr 12 min ago (4 replies)
    him, really bummed me out. Not that I wanted this huge sad reaction but a little sadness would have been good. Anyway, we have to make the most out of out time together now since it really is almost over
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    • you told him and his friend together? does his friend know that you 2 are having an affair? 14 hr 7 min ago
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      • how long has affair been going on? 14 hr 5 min ago
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        • I told him forst, hi friend just happened to call and he told him. It's been going on for almost a year 5 hr 15 min ago
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  3. Cleveland Has anyone had an affair with someone your dh knows ? my dh is super suspicious because I always tell him when I hang out with affair (we're coworkers). stupid me thought that if...(more) 2-21-2012 10:49pm (22 replies)
    I told him I"m hanging out with this guy (and other coworkers) that he'd figure I had nothing to hide. now he's obsessed with this guy and thinking something is going on. I don't know how to get around this
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    • you have to lay low for a while. CAn you do that? 2-21-2012 10:49pm
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      • OP: yes, I'm not going to see him again for at least a week (outside of work anyway) 2-21-2012 10:50pm
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        • ^^and I'm trying to get a sitter so dh can come out with me when I do see the guy so I can spend the evening showing dh we're "just friends" 2-21-2012 10:51pm
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          • you sound retarded. 2-21-2012 10:52pm
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          • that seems like a mistake to me. I think you need to go more than a week without seeing him. Your dh isn't stupid 2-21-2012 10:54pm
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            • OP: good point. ok, maybe I will lay really low for a long time and not bring the guy up? 2-21-2012 10:54pm
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              • yes. Be home, don't go out at night after work, make plans with dh, etc 2-21-2012 11:07pm
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                • doing that. tonight I met dh for happy.hour. tomorrow night dh and I ar going to dinner with kids. thurs Fri a.home.. 2-21-2012 11:32pm
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    • how about stop having an affair or get a divorce..... 2-21-2012 10:49pm
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      • how about get off the cleveland board 2-21-2012 10:50pm
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    • you also write about it online 2-21-2012 10:49pm
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    • you are in idiot in more than one wawy 2-21-2012 10:50pm
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    • ruh roh 2-21-2012 10:50pm
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    • fuck you, you stupid cunt. 2-21-2012 10:51pm
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      • get off the cleveland board! 2-21-2012 10:51pm
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        • you get the cleveland board off my boards! 2-21-2012 10:52pm
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    • oooo I could have warned you about that. I tried to throw up a smoke screen for DH once with a story about going out with a guy friend--DH wanted to come along! don't EVER tell DH...(more) 2-21-2012 10:53pm
      a guy is interested in being friends
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      • OP: I know, the problem is I work with all men and I have a ton of male friends that I hang out with, and dh comes along sometimes too and gets along great with these guys! he is...(more) 2-21-2012 10:56pm
        out right now with 3 women friends of ours , I encouraged him to go!
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        • hmmm...maybe it would have been better if you were jealous of him too? 2-21-2012 11:03pm
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          • OP: I did tell him I know he always goes out with girls at work and how I get a little jealous too but that I think men and women really can just be friends and I don't mind it 2-21-2012 11:05pm
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    • nasty scaby slut 2-21-2012 11:06pm
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    • you should have never mentioned him 2-22-2012 12:07am
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  4. Cleveland My affair broke things off with me a couple of days ago. We both knew that it had to end, but this happened so abruptly that I'm in shock. I know it was the right thing to do, but...(more) 2-19-2012 7:10pm (9 replies)
    it feels awful. He is a good friend and I miss him horribly. he wants to stay friends, but I'm wondering if I will be able to navigate that transition without making myself miserable in the process.
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    • you'll get over it. i'm sure. 2-19-2012 7:12pm
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    • Probably not possible. It will be tough for a while 2-19-2012 7:14pm
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    • Take it one hour at a time. Limit contact. 2-19-2012 8:20pm
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    • Why be friends with him? End it. 2-19-2012 9:52pm
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    • It's the worst feeling, so sorry you're going through it. Just hang in there and keep in mind that every day that goes by you will feel better. You're probably hurting the...(more) 2-19-2012 11:12pm
      most over the feeling of rejection. If you would have been the one to call it off it wouldn't hurt so bad. Just hang in there... be happy that you didnt get caught, didn't destroy your family, destroy your life, etc. Make a list of the reasons why you didn't want to be with affair long term. Find something to keep you busy, something else to get your mind on. I just went through this a month ago and I'm already feeling better, hang in there!
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      • op: thank you. you're right about the feeling of rejection. he was really in love with me at first, but he was never able to accept the situation for what it was (he admitted to...(more) 2-20-2012 12:09am
        me this week for the first time that he'd been having fantasies that I would leave DH, etc). I wish I could just let this go and I know it really couldn't be any different, but I'm devastated
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        • np: I often wonder when my guy will get to this point. I love him dearly but have no intention of leaving dh and he's seriously thinking I might someday. I told him when he...(more) 2-20-2012 8:23am
          realizes I'm not he's going to want to end things
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    • Think me and 4 yr affair are almost there. I just feel it fading, but cant seem to just end it. Ive tried to before and it's been jhorrible so I just keep postponing the...(more) 2-20-2012 1:58pm
      inevitable. Think Im in a different place now.
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      • people change over time. Still hurts though. 2-21-2012 9:28am
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  5. Cleveland Those who have single men affairs. Does he tell you about dates he goes on? How do you deal? 2-17-2012 7:16pm (7 replies)
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    • Easy. To me he is nothing more than a way for me to get what I need when I need it. There's no great love between us. I couldn't care less about anyone else he's sleeping with as...(more) 2-18-2012 7:40am
      long as we always use condoms.
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      • np: ditto back when I used to cheat. 2-18-2012 10:45am
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    • he stopped dating other people. 2-18-2012 7:55am
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    • Mine stopped dating other girls... hasn't dated anyone in the year and a half that we've been doing this. I almost wish he would date someone so I wouldn't feel so guilty...(more) 2-19-2012 11:10pm
      about him sitting around and waiting for a year and a half for me to leave my dh (which I have no intention of doing).
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    • My affair divorced while we were having affiar andis now dating. It totally sucks, and I just need to end it. Im not even sure I like him naymore as a person, and we were very...(more) 2-20-2012 1:59pm
      close friends.
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    • he doesn't, but I tell him he should be out seeing other people 2-20-2012 9:54pm
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  6. Cleveland What a mess. found out today that affair was living with another co-worker for 8yrs. was madly in love with her. he & i disappeared for a bit during working hours, she was looking...(more) 2-17-2012 7:15pm (29 replies)
    for him. she is our supervisor. when we got back she starts talking to me. today he asks what we were talking about. I stupidly respond my marraige. Now he thinks she may be jealous & on to us. I mean really?? He is single. I am married. He is my good time....should i let this bother me?
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    • You are a trainwreck. 2-17-2012 7:18pm
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    • fake 2-17-2012 7:19pm
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      • No. Sadly this is my life. Thinking of just dropping this entire situation. 2-17-2012 7:20pm
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        • you probably should. why the affair? 2-17-2012 7:22pm
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    • wow, that's harsh. how did you find out? 2-17-2012 7:19pm
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      • about him & supervisor? He told me. What's better is that he was married at the time!! Ready to divorce to marry her! It was serious shit. 2-17-2012 7:21pm
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        • and he was also having sex with you? 2-17-2012 7:22pm
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          • what? NO! He & I have not had sex. He broke it off with supervisor years ago, however tried to reconcile & start over with her a year ago & she told him she moved on. 2-17-2012 7:23pm
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            • you said he was your affair 2-17-2012 7:24pm
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            • ah, thought he was living with her now and you just found out. 2-17-2012 7:24pm
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              • op:no, he is not living with her now. They have history that ended long ago. Well, i am pretty sure he still has feelings for her. 2-17-2012 7:26pm
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                • What kind of place do you work? Best buy? 2-17-2012 7:28pm
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            • np-Why do act surprised we assume the absolute scum of you? 2-17-2012 7:24pm
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        • what are you going to do now? 2-17-2012 7:22pm
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    • Are you in therapy? 2-17-2012 7:20pm
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    • you must be disappointing in how you turned out 2-17-2012 7:21pm
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      • I don't understand this. 2-17-2012 7:22pm
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        • ^^^disappointed in myself? 2-17-2012 7:22pm
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        • read what you wrote. does it make you proud? 2-17-2012 7:23pm
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          • np-I am not sure how she could live this way. 2-17-2012 7:24pm
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      • this. she is probably one of the most depressing sounding women on here. 2-17-2012 7:23pm
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        • I don't understand why? I think my post time line was not understood. 2-17-2012 7:25pm
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          • you are having an affair? right? you are married? 2-17-2012 7:26pm
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            • This is the Cleveland board, right? 2-17-2012 7:30pm
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    • he gets his jollies dipping his pen in the work ink? 2-17-2012 7:26pm
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      • yeah, right?! I should tell him this...then be done with him. 2-17-2012 7:30pm
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    • Wait. How was he living with her for 8 yrs if he was married all the time? I'm so confused. 2-19-2012 11:15pm
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  7. Cleveland Do you tell your affairs that they are not your first affair? 2-17-2012 7:00pm (16 replies)
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    • of course. why wouldn't you? 2-17-2012 7:00pm
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    • i am being serious. how do you rationalize more than one? why not divorce? 2-17-2012 7:01pm
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      • i was in a super toxic totally invested affair. This guy is a distraction. No sex. just conversation...kissing... 2-17-2012 7:08pm
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        • why have you not considered divorce? 2-17-2012 7:09pm
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          • my life has been around my husband since I was 14yrs old. I don't think i would know how to exist without him. I don't know how he would exist without me. My husband will always...(more) 2-17-2012 7:19pm
            come first.
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    • Yes, in the getting-to-know-you phase we told each other a lot, maybe too much. 2-21-2012 9:28am
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      • Hello me. :) I told him e v e r y thing 2-21-2012 2:03pm
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        • do you regret some of what you told him? 2-21-2012 2:12pm
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          • ^bc now I kind of wish I didn't know some stuff he told me about himself. 2-21-2012 2:12pm
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            • I think sometimes as women we need to just detach and compartmentalize so we know exactly where affair fits. What relevance does his past life have on you and your relationship...(more) 2-21-2012 4:11pm
              with him and the sex that's you're having?
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              • ? is this ^ the OR or an NP? I'm not sure I follow you. Talking about your experiences with affairs is a pretty natural topic of conversation. I've had more than one affair and...(more) 2-21-2012 6:53pm
                had that conversation with each man.
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                • NP, not discussing the past affairs talk. I think that this is imperative that you know your partner's sexual history- whether or not it's illicit. I meant more the whole being...(more) 2-21-2012 7:03pm
                  upset about things from a partner's past that you wish he hadn't told you concept. His past is only relevant in terms of sexual history and no more/ no less.
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                  • well the problem with your sexual history is that it's your relationship history now isn't it? are you saying you should list off the men you've had sex with and say no more than...(more) 2-21-2012 7:10pm
                    that about it?
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                    • Well no, a sexual history is quite different from a relationship history. For instance if I had a one-night stand, it hardly counts as a relationship, but it is sexual history....(more) 2-21-2012 7:16pm
                      I'm not saying that if the guy was engaged to marry your best friend that that shouldn't matter, but for the most part, their past realtionships- unless they either really negatively impacted their behvior or very positively impacted their outlook have no bearing on their current relationship with me. You may feel differently about that, but I just don't think that someone with whom things didn't even work out should make a current relationship uncomfortable and vice-versa.
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          • I sort of do, because he gets jealous. 2-21-2012 6:51pm
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  8. Cleveland WWYD? Traveling to another city where affair's friend has relocated. Is it weird to ask the friend to go out one night with me?...(more) 2-17-2012 3:17pm (5 replies)
    I know no one else in that city and want to have dinner, drinks, etc. Nothing more, of course. But is it insensitive to affair?
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    • I think it is fine. Is affair aware and okay with it? If so, I say go and have fun!! 2-17-2012 3:19pm
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      • I'm going to ask affair first if he's cool with it. If he hesitates, I won't. 2-17-2012 3:20pm
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    • fuck them both 2-17-2012 3:19pm
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    • is it a no strings attached affair? or is there an emo component to it? if he really likes you than I wouldn't try to go out with his friend... that's an asshole move. if...(more) 2-19-2012 11:17pm
      you're just friends with benefits, then I guess you can add his friend to the list with no guilt.
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      • OP. We love each other, so I guess no night out for me. Damn. 2-21-2012 3:50pm
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  9. Cleveland Dating moms: do you go out w/a guy even if he isn't really your type just to get out there, or are you very selective? 2-15-2012 8:11pm (0 replies)
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  10. Cleveland Affair freaked out last night b/c it was Valentine's Day and he imagined dh and I having hot sex. He was upset this morning when I talked to him....(more) 2-15-2012 7:36pm (9 replies)
    He even asked if dh and I did have sex last night.
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    • well what does he expect?!?!?! he is your dh... 2-15-2012 7:36pm
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      • I didn't ask HIM if he fucked his dw after their V dinner. It kind of worries me that he got this upset. 2-15-2012 7:42pm
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        • yea he needs to go into this knowing what it's all about 2-15-2012 7:45pm
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        • he is emotionally attached. this is not a good sign. will not end well. you need to slowly distance yourself 2-16-2012 11:19am
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    • what a fool 2-15-2012 7:37pm
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    • pick a team 2-15-2012 7:39pm
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    • you can't be jealous of your affair's spouse. your affair needs to know that. 2-15-2012 7:47pm
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      • He does. I'm the OP of the post below about getting in too deep. Now I really know we are. 2-15-2012 7:58pm
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  11. Cleveland If you got caught, how did you get caught? 2-15-2012 12:32pm (12 replies)
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    • by not applying to the University of Chicago! 2-15-2012 12:33pm
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    • Dh hired a PI. Did you get caught? I think he got suspicious when I just lost all interest in sex with him. I was up to seeing affair 5 days a week and just wasn't interested...(more) 2-15-2012 12:33pm
      in dh touching me at all :(
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      • OP: no, not yet. dh and I are actually in a good place right now, having regular sex, date nights, etc. things are pleasant around the house. I'm being pretty careful , took my gm...(more) 2-15-2012 4:07pm
        ail account off the ipad, super password protected my phone, rarely email affair at all actually, it's mostly off the record gmail chatting, and text messages which I delete. company phone so dh never sees the bill and he knows i'm friends with affair so I will often just say I am going out with John so it's not weird if people see us together
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    • fuck you cleveland people! if you got caught it's b/cause you wanted to, fuck you cheeters 2-15-2012 12:34pm
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      • at least I can spell 2-15-2012 1:50pm
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    • it was over, and I was devastated. that's when dh got suspicious, checked my email/phone. I hadn't hidden anything. 2-15-2012 1:50pm
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    • wow apparently by being stupid, at least try not to get caught people! 2-15-2012 1:57pm
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    • Checked email on brand new iPad. Didn't know how to close the browser all the way. Dh used iPad and found them. 2-15-2012 3:47pm
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    • caught me on the phone texting affair... broke into a huge fight, he wrestled the phone from me and read the texts. yes, I was careless but I had been with affair for over a...(more) 2-15-2012 9:07pm
      year so wasn't as careful as I was in the beginning. you go awhile getting away with something and you begin to get careless. don't get careless!
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      • wow. this happened to my affair. i ended speaking to the wife! 2-17-2012 7:35pm
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      • so true! 2-17-2012 7:36pm
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    • I didnt. I could teach a course. I did confess later tho. 2-17-2012 7:37pm
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  12. Cleveland Sitting here with dh and kids, waiting for sitter so I can go out on date night with dh...and missing affair so much. He's single and I texted him and he responded "can't talk...(more) 2-14-2012 8:28pm (7 replies)
    right now". ugh
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    • Fucking his other whore 2-14-2012 8:29pm
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    • sucker 2-14-2012 8:31pm
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    • i texted my exEA just happy v day and he never texted back. 2-14-2012 8:31pm
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      • so lame 2-15-2012 3:50pm
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      • that sucks. 2-17-2012 7:36pm
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      • shit like that use to happen all the time with me & xaffair. So happy that shit is over. 2-17-2012 7:39pm
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    • Eh, it happens. My one-nightstand on New Year decided to send me a text inviting me over for dinner and drinks only to backtrack when he realized he texted the wrong person. I...(more) 2-18-2012 7:36am
      thought it was hilarious- especially when he tried to explain his mistake away. He already knew there was no chance for a repeat anyways, but that definitely sealed it.
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  13. Cleveland We are in this deep, and I mean deeply in love. Fuck. It can't end well. 2-13-2012 11:41am (16 replies)
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    • same here. I'm just enjoying the ride. I know it'll end in misery but whatever 2-13-2012 11:41am
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    • that's not good. What will you do? 2-13-2012 11:41am
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      • I really don't know. I do not know. 2-13-2012 11:43am
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    • Why can't it? 2-13-2012 11:45am
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      • 2 families involved. 2-13-2012 11:47am
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    • I think it's already over and you're just struggling with reality. 2-13-2012 2:02pm
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    • So are we. I'm enjoying the ride and taking it day by day. 2-13-2012 2:26pm
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    • BTDT. It will most likely end badly. I ended up hurting my dh, my kids, my parents, siblings, friends, affair, affairs family, EVERYONE. It's the best feeling...(more) 2-13-2012 9:10pm
      in the world for awhile and then you go through an extraordinary amount of pain and inflict that pain upon others when it all comes crashing down. But the highs are just too high to really focus on the consequences you will face.
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      • Oh this is so good for me to hear. We ended it and its so painful but better than the worst case scenario. 2-13-2012 9:23pm
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        • Here's the thing... it's easy to get caught up in the pain you experience over ending it with affair (it's SOOO freaking hard to cut off something that was so...(more) 2-13-2012 10:48pm
          intense and rewarding and felt so good). But the truth is... the pain you experience over losing affair will NOT be as bad as watching the pain you put your family through. I know this doesn't have an effect on most women that are in affair (it wouldn't have to me) because you just don't allow yourself to think about getting caught... but it some way or another it will have a negative impact on your family. And watching everyone think horribly of me and be disappointed in me and thinking about what kinds of things my kids will think of me when they get older sucks SO bad. Affairs are a selfish thing.. period, but you have to get to a point where you take a step back and decide to end it and take the burden of that pain on before you inflict pain on those you care the most about.
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          • ITA. I'm SO glad I ended my emo affair. I DID think about how my selfish choice would impact everyone if they ever found out, but honestly, it was because affair wasn't as into...(more) 2-14-2012 11:27pm
            the relationship as I was that I ended it. He strung me along for about 6 months. I finally said enough. That was very hard and I still miss him and want to contact him. Especially today. But I rest much easier at night and don't feel like such a schmuck anymore.
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          • wow thanks for posting this (np). Can you say how your dh found out? 2-15-2012 11:44am
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            • he had been suspicious for awhile (about 7-8 months after affair started he began to get suspicious) and he...(more) 2-15-2012 9:11pm
              ended up getting ahold of phone records. I stopped seeing affair for awhile (2 weeks) and then bought a second secret phone which dh ended up finding after about 6 months of me having it. It just all blew up in my face. It was awful. Absolutely awful.
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              • oh god that must have been horrific for everyone. Crazy thing is that when I think of my parents finding out it seems worse than if dh finds out. I have to remind myself that it...(more) 2-16-2012 10:07am
                will change everything about how people see me, and that is a rude awakening. :(
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                • absolutely. and remember that if dh is angry enough with you he could tell everyone. everyone. friends, family, co-workers, neighbors... and most importantlly, your children...(more) 2-16-2012 3:14pm
                  will find out what you did when they get older.
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  14. Cleveland Do you have anyone you talk to about your affair? I don't even want to tell my therapist. I feel like such a bad person 2-12-2012 7:46pm (12 replies)
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    • my therapist because she is great- she never judges and she rolls with all my insanity 2-12-2012 7:46pm
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      • op: I really like my therapist. But I still hesitate to tell her. Its admitting that I am shitty person 2-12-2012 7:46pm
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        • no it's admitting you needed something right now or then- she wont judge you 2-12-2012 7:49pm
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          • I know this is my issue, I'm just having a really hard time with it. I have a session tomorrow. 2-12-2012 7:52pm
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    • please..save your money. 2-12-2012 8:36pm
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      • what do you mean? 2-12-2012 11:01pm
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    • I have one friend who also had an affair that I talk to. 2-13-2012 10:54am
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    • I only talk about it here. No one irl knows. 2-13-2012 11:40am
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    • Only here. I could never ever tell anyone in real life. I've been with affair for a year now and I'm comfortable enough with him to talk about the horrible ups and downs...(more) 2-13-2012 9:14pm
      that goes along with this whole thing. But it's mostly something I just deal with myself. I've really used this board as a place to vent and get advice, etc.
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    • if your therapist judges you she isn't the right therapist 2-14-2012 1:00pm
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      • op: she doesn't judge me, I judge myself. that's why I have a hard time talking about it. But I did talk to her about it this week 2-14-2012 2:35pm
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    • - no subject -...(more) 2-19-2012 11:21pm
      tell the therapist, seriously, i went years alone/adrift telling nobody, it was a relief, they have heard it all, it is why they are there
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  15. Cleveland How do you know when it stops being just about the sex? Do affairs really fall in love even when it starts off just about sex? 2-12-2012 7:38pm (7 replies)
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    • mine started out as a flirtation/crush and we quickly fell in love... 2-12-2012 7:39pm
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    • sex=bonding. sometimes you fall in love. it happens. frequently. 2-12-2012 7:40pm
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    • i went into the relationship only wanting sex and flirting- he came back at me full force wanting more- we fell in love. he broke my heart because he couldnt be satisfied with...(more) 2-12-2012 7:42pm
      just me
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      • what do you mean? He dated others or what? 2-13-2012 11:44am
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    • yes it absolutely can happen. I wanted nothing but sex from affair. Nobody believes me, but I was really happily married before affair....(more) 2-13-2012 9:16pm
      I just got into a situation where I had to see affair regularly and we were insanely attracted to each other. After about 3-4 months of "just sex" we realized we were falling in love. And the fact that you can't have the person that you want adds fuel to the fire and makes you feel like you love them even more.
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      • Wow. How often did you see each other? 2-13-2012 9:33pm
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        • We saw each other 3 days a week at work (for about an hour at a time). It was brief interactions at a time but it was enough to keep that spark going. He would just...(more) 2-13-2012 10:52pm
          look at me from across the room with such intensity. And he would touch me when no one was around. Then once we started having sex (usually on lunch breaks) we would see each other privately at least 1-2 times a week outside of work. And then we started talking secretly on the phone every night. Dh slept in a different room and I would "go to bed" and talk to affair for hours every night.
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  16. Cleveland After 2yrs of emo & sex affair it's finally over. we sustained a lot throught the realationship however his drinking got in the way. resulted in me speaking w/his wife. we got...(more) 2-12-2012 5:48pm (11 replies)
    through that but this latest incident was too much. I knew he was drunk. My fault but i was desparte to see him. He was aggressive. I stupidly put myself in a dangerous situation with him. I was alone with him. He said he would see me the next day. Told me he was sorry for getting carried away. The next day nothing. I texted him, i wanted to talk to him about the previous day. He said he was busy, but that he needed me. I ended it with him. All he said was sorry. I never responed. That was a month ago. I am disgusted with his actions on that day. I know i placed myself in that situation but still. I am trying to get over his actions. Upset about my allowing him to play these games. His drinking got worse as our relationship went on, i can't imagine what he does to his w when he is intoxicated. I am lucky to have got of that mess. Seems he knows he did wrong or perhaps he could care less. I don't know. What would you do if you were me to help you get over this? tia
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    • i would execute him from my mind...it will take time but you need to let him the fuck go... 2-12-2012 5:50pm
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      • op:i think i have...what he did to me on that day. I know it mostly was the booze. Still..2yrs & i didn't get a call, nothing. Hurts to realize how it was all lies. I was a fool. 2-12-2012 5:54pm
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        • i just broke up with my fool 2 wks ago..huge coke head. he was on a 3-4 day binge when i came over..it was just a mess. i read his emails and found out he was having a weird emo...(more) 2-12-2012 5:56pm
          relationship with an escort.-- this was after i left his apartment and broke up with him...i never got to confront him on that. i knew something was going on but i didnt realize how fucked up it was....now im angry, hurt, crying, everything you are--- but i know he doesnt give a shit, it was always all about him, why would i think in the end it had anything to do with me...
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          • Thank you so much for sharing. I am in such a state of shocked that i was that person..in that situation. I know i am to blamed for my part in having the affair in the first place...(more) 2-12-2012 6:15pm
            Still...all the lies. He had me meet his children, said he always be around. I was this pathetic neediness I had for him. Regardless of how he treated me like shit. HOw he knew he had control of me sickens me. I am truly sorry for your situtation. do you ever see him?
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            • the lies are actually truth to him- i met this assholes parents...he begged me to come back to him numerous times - when in between the week we were "broken up" he'd be spending...(more) 2-12-2012 6:23pm
              6-7 hours with this girl/whore....i saw the payments, 1200 sunday night- i left him on saturday night- she's 200/hour....can you imagine?,...i feel like a piece of shit. but i know he's the one that sucks...he still has his coke addiction, he'll still wake up alone, he'll still be a dirtbag at the end of the day...I WONT BE
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              • you are 100% right. you are so better off!! This guy got so drunk & sloppy his wife was around & he called me up...he then swayed out the house & left me on the phone with her....(more) 2-12-2012 6:31pm
                He is the type of guy who felt sorry for himself, everybody "hated" him. He was literally poor, poor...pour me a drink. I tried to fill that void of him needing to sucomb to drinking. Figured if he spent more time with me then he would not need that. Dumb. I am hoping he gets help. For the sake of his children.
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        • What did he do to you? Please share. 2-12-2012 6:26pm
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          • don't want to get into so much detail, but at one point..he was on top of me & pulled my hair really hard...twisting my head. He told me to take a breath or he would take it from...(more) 2-12-2012 6:47pm
            me. He was all over the place. He could not get an erection so instead he forced his hands on me..in me. Still, looking back at the things he did if this was the price I had to pay to end it without my family getting hurt. So be it.
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            • np: I'm so so sorry you went through that. I went through something similiar with my affair. We've been seeing each other for a year and a half. He's single, I'm married with no...(more) 2-13-2012 9:26pm
              intention of divorcing but I developed really intense feelings for affair (I guess you could say I was in love with him). He has anger issues and he ended up getting physical with me... pushed me out of his front door and threw me to the ground. He verbally abused me and I was literally sick to my stomach after it happened. I stopped talking to him for a week and he ended up coming back and begging for my forgiveness. I was an idiot and kept seeing him. That was 4 months ago and another incident just happened last week. He will not change. I am putting myself in this awful situation and I have to stop. Be thankful that you were strong enough to not contact him and that you've gone this long without him. And stay strong. You don't need this shit... it's an affair... it just be an escape from all the drama/bullshit of life... not something that brings you down. Be proud of yourself for moving on and know that soon you will be totally over him. GL.
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              • op:I am so very sorry that you are in this situation! My goodness, i agree it's not healthy. What is it that keeps you going back? I will not lie. I miss what we were but I know...(more) 2-17-2012 7:07pm
                in my heart I do not miss him. My affair guy was so rotten in the inside. Please get out of this relationship. You are just as strong to move on. Take it one day at a time. Don't contact him. Slowly wean yourself out of it. It will be painful. I can help you by being here daily to check up if you like :)
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                • honestly... I keep going back because I am afraid that if I reject him then he will out me to everyone. I have visions of him contacting dh out of anger and telling...(more) 2-19-2012 11:19pm
                  him everything. So when he begs for forgiveness and asks to see me again, I resist at first but then I end up giving in because I can't risk pissing him off too much. It sucks. Can't believe I've gotten myself into this situation.
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  17. Cleveland Just got an iphone. what are the best features/apps? 2-10-2012 3:37pm (8 replies)
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    • BLITZ BEJEWELED (do not say i did not warn you!) 2-10-2012 3:37pm
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      • I personally love tetris 2-10-2012 3:39pm
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      • op - thanks. i do have bejeweled 2-10-2012 3:43pm
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    • Is this meant to be related to affairs? If so... I have several app suggestions I can give you. :) 2-13-2012 10:53pm
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      • please do 2-14-2012 10:25am
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        • don't want to get into too many details because i'm scared that dh will find ybm and discover my secrets... but you can get the app...(more) 2-19-2012 11:24pm
          "idiscrete" to hide texts, pictures, videos, etc (I LOVED this app.. there is a secret way to get into it, very private, perfect!) and you can also jailbrake your phone and get iblacklist so that you can have affair's phone calls and texts not be detected on teh phone... in other words, dh can pick up your phone and search your call log, text log, etc. and never see affairs calls/texts. you can keep it all private. you can also get apps that allow you to hide your secret apps by making them look like kids games, etc. and requiring a certain way to touch the screen before they will open. the iphone is amazing for being secretive... let me know if you need more details and maybe I can email you.
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    • Whatever you do, do not turn on the "find my iphone" feature. 2-14-2012 8:04am
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  18. Cleveland Is the Dh who goes by NSR on? 2-10-2012 3:35pm (11 replies)
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    • no. but i'm curious to know this story now. (Do you like that part of posting here or not like it?) 2-10-2012 3:38pm
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      • op: i do like that part. Very long story short I had posted some weeks back about conflicted feelings I was having about affair. NSR talked me through it. Fast foward to yesterday...(more) 2-10-2012 3:42pm
        when I had a convo with affair and said everything i have been holding in for months and finally got some answers I needed. Wanted to update NSR and get his spin
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        • well, if you want, update me. i'll listen. no judgments. 2-10-2012 3:45pm
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          • are you a dh or dw - just curious 2-10-2012 3:51pm
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            • dw. 2-10-2012 3:53pm
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              • op: ok. the long and short is this - affair and i work at smae place in diff areas. it was never "love" but i alwyas thought it was a little more than just sex. one of our things...(more) 2-10-2012 3:57pm
                was playing some dom/sub games. not super kinky but mild stuff. he crossed an emotional line at the same time we both had a shift in responsibilites. i ended up on a project not directly reporting to him but he was in the power position. it all blew up and end VERY badly. we did not speak for close to a year. we recently start talking again. havent gone farther than talk. I finally got him to admit that YES it was a bit more than sex, that he too had a hand in our demise and hat he was happy we talk now. and also happy that i let out all that i was holding in
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                • how are you feeling about all of this? 2-10-2012 3:59pm
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                  • relieved that i got off my chest what I needed to. vindicated that he admitted was also wrong as for months it was "all my fault". secure knowing that it wasnt actually just sex...(more) 2-10-2012 4:13pm
                    for him. and terrified of what happens next
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                    • you mean you might get back together? 2-10-2012 5:34pm
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    • hey op, he's a creep. btdt. he grosses me out now 2-10-2012 4:01pm
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      • why what happened 2-10-2012 4:04pm
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  19. Cleveland It's so hard to know that you're both hurting so much, and still not reach out to him. 2-10-2012 1:49pm (4 replies)
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    • be strong. it will only add to the hurt to reach out 2-10-2012 4:23pm
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    • yeah, he is not hurting.... 2-10-2012 11:43pm
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    • Why are you both hurting? 2-11-2012 12:19am
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  20. Cleveland I told him that I wanted to leave dh for reasons having nothing to do with him. He asked me whether I would want to spend the rest of my life with him if that were to happen. Not...(more) 2-9-2012 8:00pm (9 replies)
    what I was bargaining for when we started this, and I don't want to be the reason he leaves his wife. But this almost made me cry
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    • is it what you want? 2-9-2012 8:01pm
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      • if I were to leave dh? I don't know. I don't him to leave his wife. At least I don't want to be the reason he does. 2-9-2012 8:15pm
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    • you are a loser. only losers do this. 2-9-2012 8:01pm
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    • why did it almost make you cry? 2-9-2012 8:02pm
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      • I 2-9-2012 8:15pm
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      • I just wasn't expecting that. I figured we have a great relationship. Awesome chemistry. We often say we love each other. But to me none of it is real because we're both married....(more) 2-9-2012 8:17pm
        NOt sure if I'm making sense
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        • ^ This morning I woke up to an email from him stating that for the first time since we've ben together, he didn't care about getting caught just so we could take our relationship...(more) 2-10-2012 11:01am
          to the next level. This is just so not how this all started out. I have so many trepidations- for starters, this is a woman he built a home with and whom he loves, why mess with things. Also, what if things don't exactly work out for us once we find that we no longer have to sneak around, will it have been worth it to break-up his home? My home was broken before he came into my life, so it has nothing to do with him, and dh knows this.
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    • he is lying. shit like this makes them nervous. He is feeling you out. think nothing more of it. 2-12-2012 5:54pm
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      • He could be lying, but not out of nervousness. He knows I've been conflicted about leaving for the past 3-4 years, and he wasn't in my life then. He also knows that I had a trial...(more) 2-13-2012 9:30am
        separation with dh while we were together, and I'd broken up with him around the same time because I didn't want to confound my feelings. I told him that if dh and I were to split up, I didn't want to be with someone else's husband. That's just the way I feel. I also told him that if he were to break-up with his wife, to look elsewhere because I wouldn't be directly responsible for breaking up his home. These conversations have happened over the course of a year and a half. He only started talking like this after we'd spent a couple of nights together on a couple of occasions these past few months.
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  21. Cleveland This place changes my real life more then facebook, FB is a show, this place people say the good, bad, and ugly 2-9-2012 8:39am (7 replies)
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    • Yup - Anonymity = truth 2-9-2012 8:40am
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      • people are often playing games and releasing hostility too. Don't take all comments for real. 2-9-2012 8:41am
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        • True true. But you get waaay more authentic opinions on controversial topics here than you could on Facebook. 2-9-2012 8:43am
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          • Just have to weed out and ignore useless comments 2-9-2012 8:44am
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    • i think this is another kind of show, though. 2-9-2012 8:40am
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    • I agree! If you saw my facebook you would think I have the perfect marriage and life, and it's the total opposite of that 2-9-2012 10:46am
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  22. Cleveland Thank You ladies, after reading all your stories i ended it before it got any further. It hurts enough now. Couldn't imagine if we had been together years and slept with...(more) 2-9-2012 8:31am (10 replies)
    had sex
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    • affair? 2-9-2012 8:31am
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    • huh, I ignored their advice and dove in 2-9-2012 8:33am
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      • how did that work out? 2-9-2012 8:33am
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        • going well so far but it's early stages :) 2-9-2012 8:35am
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          • I miss the attention, it was a big ego boost, so it was depressing not having it. If it had gone further I think I would be depressed for months when it ended 2-9-2012 8:36am
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          • :) good luck. I did too and its been wonderful. 2-9-2012 8:42am
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    • yep. I ended it after 5 mos, before it got out of control. It was so painful & still is but can't imagine more time, deeper connection. 2-9-2012 4:15pm
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      • Gotta take the bull by the horns-- gotta be ready to prepare our daughters when the time comes 2-11-2012 3:56am
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    • good for you! 2-12-2012 5:56pm
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  23. Cleveland Just found out that we are moving within the next 4 months. Husband is going to be transfered and we are putting our house on the market on Monday. I guess this will make for a...(more) 2-8-2012 10:16am (3 replies)
    very easy, mess free breakup with affair. I'm very torn on how I feel, I am very excited about moving but at the same time I will miss affair very much. I know he'll take it well and we'll make the most of out time together but it still is sad.
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    • tell us about the affair. How long have you been involved? 2-8-2012 2:44pm
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      • op: we've been seeing each other for about 8 months, but things have gotten serious within the past 3 months probably 2-9-2012 10:43am
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    • Best case scenario, really. 2-8-2012 10:09pm
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  24. Cleveland How can you say" I really want to fuck you!" without turning him off? 2-7-2012 4:20pm (9 replies)
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    • How could that turn any man off? 2-7-2012 4:23pm
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      • coming off too forward maybe? I don't know... 2-7-2012 4:24pm
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    • Context needed... where, when, how will you say this? 2-7-2012 4:28pm
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      • A message to a man I've been talking to. I was thinking a msg. We haven't met up yet. 2-7-2012 4:37pm
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        • If we were together, he would get the message, no words would be necessary. 2-7-2012 4:38pm
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    • Save that kind of talk for third base. Said like a 17yo. ;) 2-8-2012 9:11am
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      • Agreed- obvious w/out words way better move 2-8-2012 4:33pm
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    • dh: If that doesn't work, then you need another man 2-8-2012 9:12am
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    • I'm pretty sure that saying I want to fuck you to any man will do the trick ;) that's hot 2-8-2012 10:19am
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  25. Cleveland I'm heartbroken. This hurts so bad. I tried to end it with affair for a good solid year and he refused to let me go....(more) 2-6-2012 10:01pm (12 replies)
    I was always so easily pulled back into this "thing" with him. For the first time in the entire time we've been together (and it's been a long time) he has decided to end it because he doesn't want to do it anymore. And he's dead serious. I am crushed. How do I go about my days without the excitment and anticipation that he brings to my life?? I still check my phone every 30 minutes. I still feel sick to my stomach about the thought of him not wanting me anymore. This sucks. When will it get better?
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    • When you get treatment. 2-6-2012 10:02pm
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    • When you tell your husband 2-6-2012 10:03pm
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    • LAUGH MY FUCKING ASS OFF! Go slit your wrists. 2-6-2012 10:55pm
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      • op: wow, that's nice... thank you. 2-6-2012 11:31pm
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    • i told you so 2-6-2012 10:56pm
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    • It will get better, get some therapy, find a hobby get help for the real issues at hand that drove you to have an affair 2-7-2012 9:05am
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      • - no subject -...(more) 2-8-2012 4:43pm
        Is what it is-- affairs are the most primitive means of avoiding real life / specifically issues with ourselves, as we blame our spouse for the unspeakable choice we made 100% individually.... Sorry, but this IS the reality of reflecting on our fuck-ups after it is too late
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    • Don't feel rejected. Remember you were the one who wanted to end it first. He probably knew it was over then, and held on so he could be the one to end it for the same reasons you...(more) 2-7-2012 2:07pm
      are feeling. Be happy your weren't caught. Find another way to be excited about life.
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      • op: good advice, thank you. 2-7-2012 3:01pm
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        • no problem! 2-7-2012 4:01pm
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          • np: I feel like I'm in a similar situation. Have been with affair for over a year, and I've tried to end it a couple of times. He refused to let me go. Now I'm completely addicted...(more) 2-7-2012 4:48pm
            to him and I would be devcastated if he were to end things. At times I've felt that he didn't want me to end things because HE wanted to be the one to end it on HIS terms.
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